Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

- No. - Okay, good.
Shit!
I've been texting you.
You showed me you got cojones.
America's sweetheart!
I was gonna split the profits with you...
You always do that. You keep doing it. It's crazy.
Why are you calling Harold?
[DANCE MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
It's the coffee at the shelter.
Giant Penis.
- I'm sorry. - Fuck!
Fucking actors.
Uh, not exactly.
Those guys weren't kidding. We're in the middle of nowhere.
I think that they got me drunk.
That's Sergei...
Running out of time.
- With ethnic items that he might need? - I did.
Aah! And it really, really hurts.
I don’t want to sound like a Wimpy pussy
Oh, this is not good!
[THUDS]
It's Harold, actually.
- What? - I just felt...
TODD: Freeze! This is a robbery. Give me all your friendship.
Please, please, please. There is a very serious gas crisis...
I didn't see her.
Yeah, definitely, man. I think there was something in the eggnog.
[FINGERS CRACK]
REPORTER: Neil, Neil, Neil, Dan Frye.
- Oh, shit! HAROLD: What the fuck, Kumar?
HAROLD: Come on.
The morphine. It'll wear off.
Wait, wait, wait! What the hell are we doing?
Mm, mm. Ha-ha-ha. Hey. How about that?
Um...
[HAROLD GRUNTS THEN CHUCKLES]
No, no, no!
Fa-la-la-la-la, la-la-la-la
[SPEAKS IN SPANISH]
Smiled at me
They say that singing is...
Oh, shit.
This is not about you being high. This is about you being immature.
Sure, no problem.
- Great. Okay, great. Bye. We're good. - Please hang up...
Hmm?
Oh, great.
NIKKI: I'm not smart like the other kids. I can't do that stuff.
No, no, no. No, you skedaddle.
I thought that would knock you out, obviously.
Sorry doesn't pop my cherry.
Because I wanted you...
Thanks. Couldn't do it without the little people.
You ruined my Christmas, man!
You hurt my brother!
Fuck you!
I know. That's strange.
Aw, come on.
- Rosenberg. - Goldstein?
SQUIRREL: Mmm.
Where'd you learn to dance, honey?
What?
Look, Santa, we're so sorry.
Ah! Guess that holy water didn't wash everything off, now did it?
[PEOPLE SCREAMING]
But real talk...
- Snoopy Sno-cone Machine. - Done.
Is that too much?
Can you untie us?
Then why the hell would you buy a faux tree?
Okay.
It's, um...
The more I think about it, the more excited I am.
After all we've been through with that guy, he better.
Ava! Scooch to Daddy! Hide behind Daddy!
- It's opposite. - Watch out!
- How you doing? - Good to see you too. Good.
And, Mr. Lee, I think you're gonna be really pleased.
Your coke baby has superpowers.
...you're MIA.
It was my little way of bringing you boys back together.
We can find people.
NEIL: So, ladies, have you ever heard of something...
Hey, hey, look at that. NPH, Neil Patrick Harris.
WaffleBot, look at me.
Big house, lot of bathrooms.
I mean, I pulled out and came on your back.
Kenneth, it's Christmas.
I'm sure they're fine, right?
It smells like shit in here.
...in hell...
We brought the tree all the way down.
[MUFFLED GRUNTING]
Don't fucking spit on my dick!
We can have the tree?
Come on, please? Come on!
Because what makes Maria happy is what makes me happy.
No. Gained. Quite a bit, actually. This is a really nice house.
Oh, my God.
Waffles are awesome. Pancakes suck, right?
KUMAR: What is this? Kwanzaa Cookout.
- Wake up. - Oh.
SANTA: Just let me die, please!
Watch your step, it's icy there.
Oh. Jinx.
MR. PEREZ: It's okay, baby.
What else have you been doing behind my back?
And every Christmas...
While everyone's trying to turn the power on...
She told me earlier today. My reaction was not awesome.
I don't know, I kind of wanna see what happens next.
We'll make it work. We have plenty of room.
You got a package that came for you at the apartment. So I was dropping it off.
You're pregnant?
Sir, if I may. This is all a big...
- Oh, my God. GUY: Oh, I'm coming!
NARRATOR: Get the Christmas
HAROLD: Maybe if we catch up to them, they'll sell the tree to us.
...couldn't handle this. - I'm sorry.
Look. We are...
All right, that is it. Hey, snowman!
- What? Oh, shit! - No! No!
When was the last time you saw this guy?
[YELLS]
By the way, for what it's worth...
HAROLD: If you knew Maria's dad...
Yeah, maybe one of you fucks up every now and again.
Why does he look...
I got the munchies.
...et cetera?
- We have a van... - I got it.
padhai me man nahi lagta Kya kare
Somebody is gonna...
KUMAR: Sounds like you're enjoying your new religion.
When you told me you were pregnant, I admit I was scared as shit.
Wu-Tang Clan, Todd.
...all the work, he appreciates it.
...kill them. Kill them all!