Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

...I'd be embarrassed. These trees are ghetto.
Ho-ho-ho! Merry Christmas!
I'm sorry. I was gonna use the doorbell but I didn't want to wake your parents.
Well, maybe this'll answer your question.
What is that?
[WOMAN SCREAMS]
I'm sorry about him, dude. I...
Yuri, warm them up.
Dude, you baby-whispered her.
Look, don't be alarmed...
...family tradition.
Thank you.
[GRUNTS THEN GROANING]
BOTH: Shit.
I do it too.
[LAUGHS]
Oh, Harry, stop!
I am so going to tweet about that. Heh-heh-heh.
[SCREAMING]
Don we now our gay apparel
- That was you? SANTA: Yeah.
Those white boys over there.
NPH, ha, ha. You are absolutely bringing the heat, and you are bringing it hard.
- Ooh. Bong. - Oh!
- But... - Step aside, please.
- I gotta wear those tomorrow. - I know.
[SNIFFS]
[CHATTERING]
- Ooh. How much is that? LATRELL: That tree'? Sorry.
You can't give up yet.
Letting him have the master bedroom?
Hey, speaking of guests...
I'll get the rope.
MARIA: I've missed you!
...was a young boy in Medellin- - Vanessa's pregnant.
- You know I love you, right? - I think you do.
I take full responsibility. Please leave.
[YELLING]
You have outdone yourself.
This doesn't concern you!
KUMAR: Once the coast is clear, we use the key to get into the back room.
Ugh. Ugh.
Wait, I almost got it.
...is that? - The Wu-Tang Clan.
...to sober up.
Oh, God, I ruined your dick!
- I don't know why, but I love you. - Thank you.
...with his stupid girlfriend.
- You can't fuck her! - I can't promise.
All right.
Shut the fuck up!
- Sorry. TODD: If Emma finds out...
I'm loving me some Applebee's. I made terrible investments...
That's all. No wonder you flunked out of med school
...doing that. - Smush that pussy! Unh!
I don't even see any stamps on this.
HAROLD: It's perfect.
Ooh. We'll take it.
These men came in here, I didn't know who they were.
...you're a dream, and I'm having a big wet dream about you.
Can I get you a beer?
...take the tree that we had specifically called and reserved?
Let me pull my pants up.
ADRIAN: Dude, look.
- Yeah. - Yes! You should have led off with that.
Who's that?
[BOTH SCREAMING]
HAROLD: Cheers. - Cheers.
[GUSTAV SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN]
Maybe he's been a chode, caring more about bay windows...
HAROLD: What the hell is this?
But unfortunately...
Okay, don't start with this. All right?
JESUS: So, girls...
OPERATOR: Your call cannot be completed as dialed.
- The one with the huge clit? - No, not Clitzilla.
ADRIAN: New plan. Let's bash through the door.
MOM: Oh, my God! Billy!
- Listen, man, I... - Man, this...
And if you want to be in our family...
He's just playing. How you doing? I'm Latrell.
He)', guys.
HAROLD: Hey. Calm down. Calm down.
Don't call him that, dude. What's up, WaffleBot?
Can we put on some Wu-Tang?
[SIGHS]
I got a buddy picking me up.
Okay, look, this is scalding hot coffee.
- What? - What?
Happens to the best of us. You up for...
The only reason I put up with this homo crap is for the p-tang.
We have Rudolph the Red-Eyed Reindeer.
...neighbor. - Hey, man.
Wait...
When my mother finally moved me to America...
GUSTAV: Grab it.
Dude, come on!
NARRATOR: Just pop the top, let that batter drop
Now, before this party...
HAROLD: Fuck! Midnight Mass. Is it midnight already? Fucking midnight!
Sex Naked
Done.
[GRUNTS]
...what can I do for you, my burglars of turd?
...your profile pic.
Daddy.
Buddy.
I got nothing against weed, okay?
Oh, by the way, if anybody asks, I'm Robert Pattinson's acting coach.
[CHUCKLES]
I wish I would've realized that sooner.
- We saved Christmas, man. KUMAR: Mission accomplished.
MARY: Uh! You fucking...
Vanessa's pregnan...
I don’t want to sound like a Wimpy pussy
...how we're gonna deal with the Christmas party with all these extra guests.
If this guy makes one more lame pun, I'm gonna kill myself.
Happens.
...are you sure you don't wanna invite Kumar?
Real Christmas?
Right in the sugar plums.
[ON RADIO] Christmas, Christmas
Feels good.
Aw, dude, turn in there!
I'm really, really, really sorry!
Hey! Enough talk.
...Katsov.