Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

[RAPPING] If you want beef, then bring the ruckus

You can't take the fact that Sergei likes me better than you.

Um, I know this is gonna be hard for you to believe...

HAROLD: You got his baby high.

BARTENDER: Yeah.

All right. Oh, God.

Oh, it's so hard.

While the nuns are lezzing it out, I'm gonna snag the key to the back room.

shut your mouth George Oh Luna what did you do you m Luna what did you do you mrs Stephanie Loony said shut your mouth shut we can I believe so shut your mouth don’t give a shit

Yeah. What the fuck is it to you, motherfucker?

Ooh, hold on. I have an idea.

...create a disaster everywhere he goes.

At a party she's throwing in Manhattan. Best part:

...out of my life!

Unless it looks like I rent your bathroom for homeless people to shit in.

TODD: Oh-ho-ho. Okay. Slow it down...

I'm addicted to cocaine.

- There's some. - Do not give her more!

...she was violently attacked...

Oh, (using censored bad word). Oh, (using censored bad word).

KUMAR: Let's go check it out.

You never told me Harold was Asian. I always pictured an old white guy.

That's Vanessa, Todd, Rosenberg, Uncle Yoav.

But one week before that first Christmas, while walking home from work...

Hook you up with a free WaffleBot? You know what? Take mine.

Oh, that's just my dad.

- Shit. - What?

Christmas isn't ruined.

Are you kidding? No guy at school will even touch me.

Oh, I almost forgot. Harold, my Uncle Yoav, he threw his back out.

...scene from A Christmas Story.

We wish you a merry Christmas

- We take the ornaments off, or...? - We could.

I should look at the road and you look at me.

Pa rum pum pum pum

TODD [WHISPERS]: Are you fucking kidding me?

What the hell is that?

MARIA: Kumar has been...

...a Christmas tree every Christmas from then on.

[CROWD CLAMORING]

He is, all right? I just... I don't want his shit in my place.

Now she has the giggles.

That is the weirdest fucking toy.

Nothin' to fuck with

TODD [SINGING] Three French hens

These are dangerous, but, aw, it's a great workout.

JESUS: Yeah, yeah, for real.

HAROLD: Is this a joke?

Well, I don't get scared.

Oh. Thank you. Yeah.

Somebody is also...

Has not accepted you as part of the family?

You got my package, right?

They had one 12-foot fir left.

How'd you know that?

KUMAR: Harold. Wait!

- It's pink. - It's a miracle.

- Roldy! - Kumar!

Maybe that's Todd.

Maybe you should go back to your fancy house...

GUY: I'm coming!

TODD: Well, I spy with my little eye...

The sconces are new. Sconces are actually brand-new.

when u want to rob the car of ur friend

...angry protesters! I just got a huge Christmas bonus...

Hold on a second.

Jesus! Well, then what the hell do...?

What do you want to do about it?

LOOK AT ALL MYSE PENSIES NOW WE CANT SHOW THIS A CHURCH AAAAAAAAAAA POOP

We've heard of it, dude. Yeah.

KUMAR: Look, Union Square. Let's hide in that tree.

It's why I couldn't stay here any more.

I don't know Russian, but he seems a little upset.

Maria, forget about midnight Mass.

I think I found the absolute best gift for your father-in-law.

Oh, this is not good!

Thank you for the update. Don't appreciate the language.

HAROLD: I guess. It's extraordinarily...

...to have a perfect fucking Christmas.

What's up, blood?

They're out of work. You'd be upset too.

(A woman sneezing) Ah-choo! Gesundheit. Gezondheid.

- What are you doing? MARY: Getting you ready.

You have the wrong people.

Do you smell something burning?

You're just screaming!

We're not gonna do anything.

Let's see how you did on your assignment.

You better not go soft on me!

- No. I swear. - Did you do this?

- Get it over with! - All right.

Best selection...

Of course. I would do anything for you.

How do we get out?

ADRIAN: Aw... Glass is sharp. Glass is sharp.

Get yourself some mints because your breath is abominable.

- How do we get out of these ropes? - WaffleBot.

Unless, of course, Mr. Wu-Gang Clams would like to help with some poopy?