Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

- Who's next? - Santa!
Yes.
I gotta stay here and smoke this weed, otherwise I won't get high.
...I gave you your present.
Might have S'ed the bed on that.
- ...Kumar. - Ha, ha.
Good girl! Let's go home! Let's go see Santa.
Shut up!
Diaper emergency! Aah! Cocaine!
Tinkle on the windshield is the grossest thing...
KUMAR: That's easy, you'll just use our secret weapon.
I was drugged by...
It's like the worst ice there is. Black ice, it's everywhere.
Have you kids...
- Can I take this bra off'? - Um...
( FLUSHING IN DISTANCE )
Like we some Wayne Brady-ass niggers, right?
[OBJECT THUMPS]
Oh, God.
Like three months ago.
Holy shit!
I know.
GOD: This is God. - Daddy?
Forget it. Heh.
We saw you get shot.
Shut the fuck up, Todd!
I was almost burned alive by Ukrainian gangsters.
- That's a Mr. Pibb, Sprite, Diet Coke suicide? MAN: Correct.
- How you gonna be a gangsta? - I'm not one.
- You behave yourself, peaches. Ha-ha-ha. DAVID: Always.
Uh, I'm not gonna let you...
I want him to be happy because I want Maria to be happy.
No, dude, come on. You got this. Feel it.
...this is goodbye, Roldy. Be a good boy...
WAFFLEBOT: Kumar.
That was a perfectly salvageable tree.
Uh, actually, you are, you fuckstain.
Whoa. Looks like your ex-boyf's moving up in the world. Heh.
It's not not awesome!
Give me the stuff.
Bye, Kumar.
I hate...
He sees you when you're sleeping
No, no, no! No, no, no!
You still owe me 87 cents for that jalapeño cheeseburger!
Hollywood Hearsay. Is it true that you're replacing Regis?
I'm in for a really stressful weekend. I just needed some comfort food.
TODD: Okay, great.
You got my baby high!
There's only one Karate Kid and it stars Jackie Chan and my man Jaden Smith.
Why can't he say both of us?
Listen, if you want you can come.
Calm down. It's just a Christmas tree.
...never seen VH1's Behind the Music?
KUMAR: Ah, there.
- So you two own this tree lot? LAMAR: What?
Yeah, anything.
What are you talking about?
Pepe! Where are the ornaments?
It's glorious. Isn't it Christian?
HAROLD: I don't care, okay?
Woo-hoo.
Come on, girls. I'll introduce you.
Then he
Your waffles...
HAROLD: God, that tree is perfect.
You son of a bitch
KUMAR: I'm busy, Adrian! Go away!
Give your dick.
...with some wimpy pussy.
Hey, guys. I just wanted to say that was an epic match.
...that has ever happened to me.
...my family was too poor to celebrate Christmas properly.
The tree. Right. So I called them.
[GIGGLING]
Wu-Tang to get back together.
No. It's already very late.
KUMAR: Just hold on a second, all right?
Yo, slow down, man.
I want to.
Take me to the party, I get you that tree.
...I was heartbroken.
TODD: Now we have to...
And I'll see what I can do about your parents' ugly divorce, Caren.
It's gonna be amazing!
They're home, wondering where I am, where the tree is.
She promised us we could have that tree. Okay? Thank you.
Oh, my ass.
and WaffleBot does the rest
Bay window is brand-new, actually. We just put that in last week.
28 DE NOVIEMBRE SOLO EN CINES
- You need anything, just give me... - Merry Christmas.
She won't make it to your party. Too bad.
What the fuck?
Okay, I will.
Carlos, it will. Tell me exactly what you want and I'll take care of it.
[WHIMPERING]
...what my sister said. I'm not letting you take our tree.
It's not fine! My baby's on cocaine.
KUMAR: Mm.
[CREATURE LAUGHS]
Give me a half hour...
[LAUGHS]
- ...are ready. - WaffleBot?
Yeah, how the fuck?
That was so good. Ha, ha.
[MAN YELLS THEN GRUNTS]
How the hell do I do that?
You made the drive in record time. Didn't speed, did you?
What?
Wu-Tang Clan ain't nothin' to fuck with
Oh, God!
Well, Harry. Harry.
What are you doing?
Don't play me like that.
Miraculously, my mother is no longer a total bitch.
Oh, no. Ha. Married.
Feels good.
[BABY CRYING]
You guys...
Sold.
I actually have not shaved since you left. Pretty romantic.
God.
Just shoot this motherfucker, people come.