Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

I'm guessing...
...got nothing on me.
[CHUCKLES]
- Two years ago. - So...
I know I don't have to.
Of course you should.
You can curse in front of me. Baby's not here.
I've been growing her for eight years.
I don't know if we should.
[ALL SCREAM]
- Oh. - Oh.
- And sing at my niece's quinceañera. - All right, I'll sing.
KUMAR: All right.
Sex Naked
[SNIFFS]
We wish you a merry Christmas
- Okay, good. Let's go. - Whoo!
...no idea what they're missing.
Wu-Tang Clan ain't
How do you feel, Mr. Claus?
I can get heartburn without thinking I'm having a stroke.
- I... SANTA: Ha, ha. Don't worry.
[GROANING]
You owe me a tree, punk.
And the whole family...
Wait, look at this fir.
...lost their virginity in 7th grade.
- And I reserved it. - You got it?
[GRUNTS]
...dude, but if I was you, I would steer clear.
...I kind of burned it down.
[TOILET FLUSHES]
Why does it always have to be Gustav?
Three French hens
Do they really think we care what poor people think?
I'm sorry.
Daddy-Daughter Day.
...in the world. Let's discuss. - Come on, man!
Wanna start? I'll kick your ass...
Oh, God.
Then it's what it looks like.
I'll even quit weed if I have to.
Can I play angry black guy this time?
Nice.
I got a virgin to fuck!
What?
Who is this toolbox?
- Good win. - Thanks, kid.
MARIA: Oh, my God. Oh, my God!
Thank you so much, Mr. Patrick Harris.
[COUGHS]
On, Blitzen! Hyah!
I'm just teasing you.
Jesus...?
Prepare for the winter of your discontent
Dude, it's a WaffleBot.
I know this is your first time, so I'm gonna be extra gentle.
...presents to deliver.
- In my dressing room, five minutes. - Yes!
[GIGGLES]
What's up? What are you...?
Prepare for the winter of your discontent
I thought weed stunted fertility. That's why I quit.
TODD: Yah!
I Hate Pancakes.
What? No.
- Isn't that right? ls Grandma a bitch? - No.
You two have always been good boys.
Mr. Lee!
Just let me just...
Yeah, like anyone's gonna believe that.
[GUN CLICKING]
I had Hanukkah Hash, but the kids from Temple Shalom Immanuel cleaned me out.
You can't back out of Daddy-Daughter Day...
Wait a second, that's why you quit weed?
That was the only 12-foot Fraser fir left in the fucking state.
- Here you go. - Oh, thank you.
No.
Kumar? You kidding me? I haven't seen that guy in years.
Dude, relax. It's gonna wear off soon.
You'd like this bag of crack.
MADEA: The best revenge you can have on somebody that told you that...
We wish you a merry Christmas
La-la!
What do you think we light the gasoline with?
Just got reserved.
Kind of like Ryan Gosling in The Notebook.
It is a G-D shame.
- All right. - Cheers.
- Shots. JESUS: Yeah, thanks. Couple of shots.
That was a misunderstanding.
HAROLD: This douche did.
So I guess...
...that a lot of times when I got high...
Dude, it's the balls.
It's all a big misunderstanding.
[VANESSA CHUCKLING]
Don't pee on me!
Do you not know...
Holy shit!
[RETCHES]
Jonbenet, I'm talking to you, sweetie.
The motherfucking slums that's busted
We have to get rid of it before it kills Christmas.
Dude, you're overreacting. There's plenty of tree lots.
[MARIA SPEAKS IN SPANISH]
What the fuck that mean?
Should we do something?
Hey...
...called the Kama Sutra? JESUS: Come on, Neil.
Neil Patrick Harris. My man.
I said step aside.
Heh. The last time you hit on a chick, you had to ask for her beeper number.
Hi...
So I'm just gonna pour a little bit on. Probably gonna sting for a second.
Get the fuck...
Because you weren't brought up...
You're welcome, Kumar.
I'm begging you!
Okay, Daddy's gonna get you changed. Daddy is gonna get you...
It doesn't taste like semen.
This is my friend, Todd.
So she can come down from her trip. Fantastic.
...Harold, and Happy New Year!
...it made me realize how important you are to me.
Why don't you lay on the bed?
Yeah. It's gonna be...
Uh, a little woozy.
...have a long and probably beautiful history together.
He's probably putting her to bed or something.
- It's coming! MAN: Wake up! Wake up!
BARTENDER: What can we get for you? NEIL & BARTENDERS: Whiskey.