Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

- It's better than the photograph. - Ha, ha.
[BOTH YELL]
I always knew you were a nice guy.
Come on, man, it's Christmas.
...so familiar?
Hey! Let's take a picture. Everybody!
Lie still. You've been in a terrible accident. I'm gonna take a closer look.
He almost spotted us! I'm supposed to be at home with the tree.
...you best show me some fucking respect.
Dead squirrel.
Hey, guys, stop!
I guess I haven't found...
I love you too, little guy.
It was ridiculous. I used to call her Queen Laqueefa.
Oh. Ha, ha. I'm sorry.
- That went bad. - I thought it went good.
- You know what? - What's that?
Christmas! Easter! Fishing! Hunting! I tie knots on a sailboat.
Dude, everything's stop motion animated!
Give me a second.
Would you guys be excited to meet him?
...and now it is dead.
You're in charge of distracting them.
How do you think they stay so clean?
This is the part where the kid's tongue...
Stop yelling!
Come on, have a seat.
NARRATOR: How about this?
...Santa Claus in the fucking face. He's real, and I shot him in the face.
Ahh.
He's getting a handjob in my club.
TODD: Excuse me?
I'm sorry, do you want us to play you in beer pong?
No.
Hey, douche?
TODD [SINGING]: Three French hens
Don't listen to these guys. It takes balls to do what you're doing.
[WHISPERS] Probably less.
[WHISTLE]
We take it to your place, and when Maria's dad comes home...
Yeah, I do, actually. My face is feeling kind of numb.
Okay. Well, then, fuck it, dude.
You people are real good with those things.
This was fun. But I got...
Eww
Oh, it's a Weederful Life.
When there's someone who doesn't stop talking
She said it?
No, it's fine. Aah!
Oh, I know it wasn't your fault.
GUSTAV: But first...
A fucking mini-mall in Des Moines?
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
I went to the park.
Can I just speak to him, please?
[GIGGLING]
Just gonna come on the stage.
Excuse me, uh, Neil. But I'm Jesus. So...
She's very delicate.
Bye, Harold.
Oh, my God.
I was wondering if...
[GRUNTS]
...stop and get some disgusting food for her.
All my other friends...
TODD: What are we doing here, Harry?
...uh, very merry today.
Neil Patrick Harris. I played Private Carl Jenkins...
With a brand-new swag
[RAISES VOLUME]
If you beat us...
...these are incredible waffles.
...in your living room, he'll jizz all over it.
- Still hits the spot. HAROLD: I know, right?
- Did you get the potpourri balls? - Yes.
Party's over!
- Oh. MR. PEREZ: Twelve-foot Fraser fir.
That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard!
That's too bad. Uh, the tree?
Fa-la-la-Ia-la, la-la
[BIG BOI'S DADDY FAT SAX PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
Come on in.
A queefer.
[SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN]
Oh, great. Great. This is just great.
If we beat you, we kick your asses out and take all your motherfucking cash. Ha, ha.
You hungry?
Just let me have the rock.
Anybody here?
I thought those hippies were gonna kill you.
- What's up? Where's Mary? TEEN: I don't know...
Get it over here. Hurry the fuck up!
ROSENBERG: You are gonna catch your death...
Now, come on and fuck a baby into me.
Now take it off.
...or something?
But, Harold, weed is so good.
Santa Claus is comin' to town
[MOANS]
- You know what this is about? - What?
Kumar.
[CHATTERING]
Hey, some people like the holidays.
...a decorated tree, but they are gonna see that.
...and be responsible doesn't necessarily mean...
Glad your family's here.
These dirty Jew bastards have...
- Todd? Yeah, he's a lot of fun. - At least he doesn't...
You know what, Gustav?
- I mean, my dad owns it but... - Ha, ha. You're one of those.
VANESSA: Kumar! It's Vanessa.
...a fabulous, amazing dream watching you perform.
KUMAR: Whoa! - Shit!
HAROLD: Would you stop?
It's Christmas Eve, okay? What do you expect?
You have anything to smoke out of?
To town
Go. Go.
[WHIMPERING]
What are you doing?
You can really feel it.
Ha-ha-ha. Not bad, Roldy.
[ALL GASP]
- Ow. - Sorry.
Are you really hot? I'm, like, hot...
Go and get some rest, huh? Make yourself fresh...
- ...the man... - Look at these firs.