Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

You like it rough? I can play that way.

Time-the-fuck-out. How are you still alive?

It hurt like hell...

Fuck your tree!

Getting not low.

God, I hate this...

Gonna hit this?

...a hot date in the city.

This knot on your back is so hard.

No return address.

...how your people crucified my man. Secondly...

The kids put something in here.

First, we need to steal some tickets.

Meet me at my sleigh in half an hour, okay?

You celebrating a real Christmas or a faux Christmas?!

LATRELL: I'm sorry.

Am I supposed to feel bad?

Now I remember.

Oh, fuck! I'm sorry, dude!

I head down to the nuns' shower room.

Aw, come on. You just played it.

You're not looking at me.

How long has it been? You two look great. Have you lost weight?

KUMAR: There's gotta be a freight elevator or something.

Make every breakfast a Bot-fast.

- I heard it's a fact. - Okay, fine. Theory debunked.

- No! No, I'm heading out. Ha, ha. - No, we were just... Hi.

I think I see Uncle Harold over there.

...without further ado...

...Christmas party...

Hey, little guy.

- I'm so sorry about that. - It's okay.

It's going to voice-mail.

That would really be great. Thank you, Carlos.

HAROLD [IN HINDI]:

Um, are we having a conversation right now, or are you watching A Christmas Story?

MADEA [ON TV]: Look at me, look at me!

David'll tell you, these hands are magical.

- Come in, come in. Come in. Come on. - Sure.

[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]

- How are you? Good to see you. - Oh, hey.

...but I'm cold... Hello?

I don't know what sick game you're playing...

Come with me if you wanna live!

Who's my sidekick? You are.

She said that, yes.

Merry Christmas and a happy New Year.

It's spreading. It's spreading!

HAROLD: Maria's dad will kill me!

[WHISPERS] How long are we supposed to stay in here?

There he is. NPH.

Okay, what happened is that, um...

...and it is very icy out there.

That's it. That's our tree. It's perfect.

And I got triple the money.

Clay's the biggest coozehound I know. That guy gets mad gash.

Ma'am, you seem like a very nice person.

A boom batta, these pockets...

...gets stuck to a pole. Ha, ha.

It's just this lie I sort of got caught in.

- You're going a little fast. - I gotta get to this party ASAP.

- It's pink. - Oh, my God.

KUMAR: Ha, ha. Dude, this is awesome!

You can do this, man.

Yes, exactly. Well, get this. She wants me...

It's faux, actually.

[MOUTHS] Fuck you.

ADRIAN: She's crashing hard.

What is he doing? What is he doing?

...the men who violated...

[PROTESTERS CLAMORING]

We're here to pick up the tree, then we're out of here.

[MR. PEREZ GROWLS]

You know what Dr. Oz says?

It was exactly...

I will take care of this. Thank you.

This is just for my stockings.

...and I want you to fucking kill them!

Show him the old Roldy Roll.

Ha-ha-ha. Of course it is.

Hold on. What the hell's going on?

[IN NORMAL VOICE] Clear.

[SPEAKING IN SPANISH]

PROTESTERS [CHANTING]: Wall Street sucks! Wall Street sucks!

...your friend for a long time. - It is perfectly normal.

I'm sorry I was such a dick...

...asshole teenagers. Then I danced in a Christmas extravaganza.

You should not go through...

...you sinking this ball. Not in my house.

...we got to talk about your game.

They're awesome.

You got a great job, you make good money, you don't beat your wife.

I know. But... Look, if you give me another chance...

I'm pretty sure it's wearing off.

How has this affected your relationship with your partner, David?

- Is this how we die'? - I think so, dude.

This isn't good.

That's because you are a kid.

- Maria. I love you. - Ha, ha.

Growing up in Medellin...

KUMAR: Be right there!

Morty, Kumar, long time.

Okay. Next time.

Forget about her.

Mr. Lee, you don't understand.

Or you prefer Neil?

This stupid waffle's stuck.

Oh. Nothing specific. Just some general stuff.

I think they're fine. Todd's a big boy.

...is fucked on cocaine! KATSOV: I've heard enough.

It has to look perfect on Christmas morning.

You know what? Um, this is my fault.