Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

They're gonna come home from Mass and expect to see...
...is here.
Straight from
Prepare for the winter of your discontent!
And a happy New Year
Well, maybe I should give it to someone else.
You guys all right? How are you alive?
...I need to say to you, okay?
...to you guys. I thought you were old assholes.
That is a perfectly salvageable tree.
I almost had my dick ripped off.
My God. We're gonna die.
KUMAR: Clay cocks! - Put your cock away.
- There you go. - Thank you, kind sir.
...to meet me.
...but touch me again, I'll rip your dick off!
...fuck me tonight! You!
- I don't wa... Seriously, 40 bucks? - Yeah.
[GUNSHOTS]
Ugh.
...did you F-wads...
TODD: I wish I could stop
Merry Christmas Pancakes are fucking gay
...these talentless fuck butt-crackers...
HAROLD: Try singing again.
I really need it. I'll pay double.
You look terrific. You lose weight?
No, don't hang up the phone on me.
Don't quit weed.
I'd say so. Shh, shh!
ADRIAN: Oh, shit!
Would you like a waffle, Mr. Harris?
Just drive. Todd, drive.
- What? Whoa! MARY: Unh!
- Easy. - He can not... He is not allow...
- Is that you? - Yeah.
- That was close. - I know, right?
Fucking tight jeans.
I'm freezing! Give us back our clothes.
Thanks.
[ADRIAN MOANS]
Just because your wife made you convert doesn't mean you're not a Jew!
Hey. Looks like somebody missed me.
...normal, doesn't mean you should ruin it.
And then I shot...
...except you're shorter.
KUMAR: There's a lot you don't know...
- Fine. - No! All right!
Okay, next, please. Move.
Wu-Tang, dude.
Since when do you have a beard?
You wanted it to look realistic.
After you made Eiffel Tower on Mary?
Little girl, I'm not gonna ask you no more.
Less romantic?
Fine. Can you pee on it?
It's not like I don't have friends.
And frankly, I'm kind of glad that the craziness is behind me.
You know my name?
Eight years, wow. I never knew Christmas trees were such a big deal.
...get as many medical supplies as you can.
Heh. Nice, Harry.
Scr...
Oh, no, no.
Yogurt has an expiration date.
When you come back, the tree will be decorated.
...the tree is a very important part of our holiday.
Hey, over there.
Thanks, kid.
Prepare for the winter of your discontent
You're happy...
I don't wanna come to your shitty-ass party, dude.
...throw it out? - This tree is a cancer.
Hey, hey!
These guys think pancakes are better than waffles.
Had I known, I would have smoked it.
Listen, we're friends of Mary, okay?
Isn't this the most beautiful tree you've ever seen?
Great job. I've just got a few notes, okay?
Losing...
It's such a disaster, this fucking night.
Uh... Sure. Yeah.
NEIL: Wait, man.
So be good for goodness' sake
Does it? Damn it. Okay. That explains a lot.
- Man, I don't think that's okay. - It's fine.
KUMAR: Sure this is the right address?
Let's go.
...you guys come to my house.
Thanks for the ride.
Why wasn't you at school today?
This is a really... This is a really beautiful tree.
...or a faux Christmas?
I don't need to be part of this.
Appreciate it.
Well, thanks. Listen, um...
We have nothing to do with all the drugs and all the alcohol.
Your little friend better get me a tree.
Okay.
Mr. Claus, can you feel...
Eggnog? Empanadas?
ADRIAN: You know, I like the beard, but I love clean-shaven you.
Maria's dad grew that tree...
Tickets, please.
[BABY GIGGLING]
- Thank you. - Thanks, man.
...I'd tell him to eat a cockmeat sandwich.
Harold.
They all look alike to me too. Ha-ha-ha.
...tearing that snowman a new tuchus.
Sir. Hi. My name is Kumar, this is Harold. It's very nice to meet you.
Who the fuck are you?
I don't know.
- He's single. - Hi. Kumar.
Also, I told her you work for the White House.
Fuck that! I don't care...
Is it fake?
I don't date black guys.
Give it to me!
- It's okay. Girlfriends. - Ha-ha-ha.
When I actually try in school but fail multiple tests
Dad, you good? You need a drink or...? No? Okay.
Oh, so smart.
Here's your phone.
You're Jewish.
FUCK SAVAGE
[LATRELL CHUCKLES]
That's a gigantic joint. What do you think?
- Did you stock the fridge? - I did.
We just sold your little punk-ass tree, bitch!
What's the matter? Afraid you'll catch a cold?
Look...
How did that happen already?
Fuck Savage! That rock is mine!
No, no, no.
Stop! Guys, guys, stop it, stop it
Okay.
You know what? Fuck it, it's almost midnight. I give up.
[CHRISTMAS MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
...then you never hear from them again.
[GRUNTS]
Ooh!
HAROLD [IN ENGLISH]: Every time I hang out with you, it's a disaster.
- We're not taking you anywhere. - Not going through any tunnels.
Don't get too comfortable. Keep your game face on for your father-in-law.