Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

I almost had my dick ripped off.
...is here.
These guys think pancakes are better than waffles.
...throw it out? - This tree is a cancer.
...to meet me.
And frankly, I'm kind of glad that the craziness is behind me.
Fine. Can you pee on it?
[LATRELL CHUCKLES]
KUMAR: Clay cocks! - Put your cock away.
No, don't hang up the phone on me.
Eight years, wow. I never knew Christmas trees were such a big deal.
This is a really... This is a really beautiful tree.
Uh... Sure. Yeah.
...but touch me again, I'll rip your dick off!
Okay, next, please. Move.
You guys all right? How are you alive?
...then you never hear from them again.
Thanks for the ride.
- Is that you? - Yeah.
Fuck Savage! That rock is mine!
It's such a disaster, this fucking night.
Stop! Guys, guys, stop it, stop it
You wanted it to look realistic.
Less romantic?
...the tree is a very important part of our holiday.
Heh. Nice, Harry.
Maria's dad grew that tree...
Prepare for the winter of your discontent!
We have nothing to do with all the drugs and all the alcohol.
Here's your phone.
Let's go.
- Did you stock the fridge? - I did.
Hey. Looks like somebody missed me.
KUMAR: Sure this is the right address?
Straight from
I don't need to be part of this.
Also, I told her you work for the White House.
Fuck that! I don't care...
Fucking tight jeans.
You know my name?
Listen, we're friends of Mary, okay?
I'd say so. Shh, shh!
- Easy. - He can not... He is not allow...
...I need to say to you, okay?
Would you like a waffle, Mr. Harris?
I don't wanna come to your shitty-ass party, dude.
Is it fake?
Just because your wife made you convert doesn't mean you're not a Jew!
That is a perfectly salvageable tree.
- There you go. - Thank you, kind sir.
...did you F-wads...
...to you guys. I thought you were old assholes.
Thanks, kid.
Eggnog? Empanadas?
...these talentless fuck butt-crackers...
You're Jewish.
- I don't wa... Seriously, 40 bucks? - Yeah.
...tearing that snowman a new tuchus.
- He's single. - Hi. Kumar.
Isn't this the most beautiful tree you've ever seen?
...fuck me tonight! You!
- It's okay. Girlfriends. - Ha-ha-ha.
So be good for goodness' sake
- What? Whoa! MARY: Unh!
Don't quit weed.
Harold.
Thanks.
[CHRISTMAS MUSIC PLAYING OVER SPEAKERS]
Had I known, I would have smoked it.
Look...
HAROLD [IN ENGLISH]: Every time I hang out with you, it's a disaster.
Hey, over there.
...I'd tell him to eat a cockmeat sandwich.
Yogurt has an expiration date.
Ooh!
Losing...
TODD: I wish I could stop
ADRIAN: You know, I like the beard, but I love clean-shaven you.
Ugh.
[GUNSHOTS]
Oh, so smart.
Who the fuck are you?
Hey, hey!
You look terrific. You lose weight?
- Man, I don't think that's okay. - It's fine.
HAROLD: Try singing again.
[GRUNTS]
When I actually try in school but fail multiple tests
Well, thanks. Listen, um...
I don't date black guys.
...or a faux Christmas?
...normal, doesn't mean you should ruin it.
Prepare for the winter of your discontent
Merry Christmas Pancakes are fucking gay
...you guys come to my house.
After you made Eiffel Tower on Mary?
- Fine. - No! All right!
I don't know.
We just sold your little punk-ass tree, bitch!
Since when do you have a beard?
- Thank you. - Thanks, man.
My God. We're gonna die.
That's a gigantic joint. What do you think?
[ADRIAN MOANS]
They're gonna come home from Mass and expect to see...
Okay.
...get as many medical supplies as you can.
Appreciate it.
And a happy New Year
FUCK SAVAGE
ADRIAN: Oh, shit!
Your little friend better get me a tree.
NEIL: Wait, man.
Just drive. Todd, drive.
Scr...
Don't get too comfortable. Keep your game face on for your father-in-law.
- We're not taking you anywhere. - Not going through any tunnels.
Dad, you good? You need a drink or...? No? Okay.
Mr. Claus, can you feel...
When you come back, the tree will be decorated.
Why wasn't you at school today?
And then I shot...
I really need it. I'll pay double.
What's the matter? Afraid you'll catch a cold?
I'm freezing! Give us back our clothes.
Little girl, I'm not gonna ask you no more.
No, no, no.
[BABY GIGGLING]
Tickets, please.
They all look alike to me too. Ha-ha-ha.
Okay.
Give it to me!
...except you're shorter.
It's not like I don't have friends.
KUMAR: There's a lot you don't know...
Oh, no, no.
You know what? Fuck it, it's almost midnight. I give up.
Wu-Tang, dude.
Well, maybe I should give it to someone else.
Great job. I've just got a few notes, okay?
Does it? Damn it. Okay. That explains a lot.
Sir. Hi. My name is Kumar, this is Harold. It's very nice to meet you.
You're happy...
- That was close. - I know, right?
How did that happen already?