Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

Your son can rub his ass on Santa's cock in a minute.
...things would go really wrong. 80...
Mm. It's good.
You'd quit weed?
...you'd make a great dad.
A couple of brothers can't sell trees? Only swing from them like monkeys?
...I have an idea on how we might get that tree out.
- Thanks. - No, no. Come on. Don't.
...then they get married...
Homey.
...are ruining everything! You!
I know, right?
[SQUIRREL YELLS]
Smoke break ended 10 minutes ago! We need all bodies on-stage!
Oh, by the way, you got shit all over your car.
...that he's being a fucking chode.
Every Christmas we use a tree that Dad grew.
Saint Peter was there...
Now I feel even worse about your dick.
- Where the hell am I? - More like where the heaven are you?
Yes. I Will. Hit it.
Now what?
- Shut up. - What the fuck?
Mariana?
[HAROLD GRUNTING]
You branded a prostitute.
Oh, I see.
It's powerful, man.
- I practically run this place. - Oh. For reals?
Now, here's a newsflash:
Russia Russia
- What the hell's the matter? ROSENBERG: What are you doing?
Which Karate Kid are you referring to?
Dude, look out!
...in Starship Troopers.
Heh, heh. Do you know what happened?
[WHISPERS] Every single other person got out of here except for us.
...take care of it. Now where's the tree?
What do you mean, you see Uncle Harold?
...fucking PancakeBot thing.
Besides...
- S you? - Screw you.
...heaven. Good to have you on board, NPH. - Hi.
Um...
You know, I was really happy till you showed up today.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
INEZ: Uncle Harold.
Mr. Perez.
...all this just to make him happy.
HAROLD: God, this is amazing. We're actually gonna make it home before they do.
Ryan was the biggest coozehound I know. Guy got mad gash.
She told me that the only thing I'm gonna be smart enough to do is lay on my back.
I know. Force of habit. Just...
Take fucking five!
I got an idea.
This is our Christmas tree.
- Really? - Look.
TODD: Black ice!
- I've got to find a place to change a diaper. - Oh, God.
HAROLD: Where the fuck are we?
Open the door!
[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]
You still owe me 87 cents for that jalapeño cheeseburger!
But why are you making such a big deal about this?
Aah. It's not a disease, is it? Heh, heh.
I did it anyway!
I'm pretty sure she's completely shaved.
Merry Christmas, Roldy!
- We called. LATRELL: Oh, yeah?
er ee
HAROLD: What back room?
...this afternoon?
- All right, put down the tree. Put it down. - Unh!
No! No, no, no! That is not true, Daddy.
...like you pussies have today.
Hey, hey. What about the tree'?
No, Why?
What would you like to rehearse?
You don't have to do this.
You wanna do some mythic dungeons?
DAVID: Fuck this! I got a wife...
Go! Come on, come on, come on! Shut up!
Every year I would pray to God:
[GUN CLICKING]
...but I'm running a little late and I have all these...
No way, dude. Nobody dies while Claymated. It's a fact.
GUSTAV: Wake up!
I wanna be doing this.
HAROLD: It's just the weekend.
- Are we having lovers' quarrel? - Oh, shit.
Holy shit. That is the best Christmas toy ever.
- I got no bars. - Shit. Nothing here.
I will punch you in your face!
But yogurt is sour, so how was I to know?
Hi. You guys in charge?
...three felonies that I can see in this room right now.
TODD: Ava, no! No, please!
...classic.
...you don't have a 12-foot Fraser fir?
Well, it doesn't have to any more.
No shit.
[ R ]
KUMAR: Fuck!
TODD [WHISPERS]: Until that fucking Russian sociopathic...
I don't know.
Seriously?
TODD [SINGING]: Three French hens
What singing group...
...any of this?
No smoking in this house.
[PANTING]
- I'm out. - Fine with me.
...and here she was.
- What? - It's not gonna be easy.
HAROLD: Were you starting to trip out a little bit?
That was good shit.
Yeah?
Unh. Thank God you're here.
- The tree, though. - Yes, so I called...
Who are you looking at?
...you guys are pretty cool. So cheers.
Kumar, no! Merry...
...we are going to have no private time.
I got this.
Get it?
...from Clay Aiken. HAROLD: What?
[CRUNCHING]
- What? - I knew it.
[CHUCKLING]