Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

...you don't have a 12-foot Fraser fir?
No shit.
[HAROLD GRUNTING]
...like you pussies have today.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
I will punch you in your face!
- Are we having lovers' quarrel? - Oh, shit.
...take care of it. Now where's the tree?
Heh, heh. Do you know what happened?
Every Christmas we use a tree that Dad grew.
- Shut up. - What the fuck?
Open the door!
[WHISPERS] Every single other person got out of here except for us.
HAROLD: God, this is amazing. We're actually gonna make it home before they do.
Every year I would pray to God:
Kumar, no! Merry...
HAROLD: Were you starting to trip out a little bit?
[PANTING]
Smoke break ended 10 minutes ago! We need all bodies on-stage!
Now, here's a newsflash:
HAROLD: Where the fuck are we?
TODD: Ava, no! No, please!
Who are you looking at?
TODD: Black ice!
HAROLD: What back room?
- Thanks. - No, no. Come on. Don't.
[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]
er ee
I know, right?
- What? - It's not gonna be easy.
This is our Christmas tree.
...we are going to have no private time.
Saint Peter was there...
Homey.
...are ruining everything! You!
...that he's being a fucking chode.
Hey, hey. What about the tree'?
Mr. Perez.
You'd quit weed?
Yes. I Will. Hit it.
[SQUIRREL YELLS]
...things would go really wrong. 80...
What do you mean, you see Uncle Harold?
...all this just to make him happy.
- I'm out. - Fine with me.
I got an idea.
...fucking PancakeBot thing.
What would you like to rehearse?
Get it?
...in Starship Troopers.
[GUN CLICKING]
Holy shit. That is the best Christmas toy ever.
...but I'm running a little late and I have all these...
TODD [SINGING]: Three French hens
- What? - I knew it.
Aah. It's not a disease, is it? Heh, heh.
Mariana?
- The tree, though. - Yes, so I called...
[ R ]
...then they get married...
I'm pretty sure she's completely shaved.
Seriously?
Now I feel even worse about your dick.
Go! Come on, come on, come on! Shut up!
That was good shit.
I know. Force of habit. Just...
- Where the hell am I? - More like where the heaven are you?
Um...
Well, it doesn't have to any more.
...classic.
No smoking in this house.
...I have an idea on how we might get that tree out.
I don't know.
...any of this?
Mm. It's good.
KUMAR: Fuck!
[CRUNCHING]
It's powerful, man.
- I've got to find a place to change a diaper. - Oh, God.
[CHUCKLING]
- S you? - Screw you.
- I practically run this place. - Oh. For reals?
Ryan was the biggest coozehound I know. Guy got mad gash.
You wanna do some mythic dungeons?
- We called. LATRELL: Oh, yeah?
Which Karate Kid are you referring to?
- Really? - Look.
...and here she was.
Yeah?
...from Clay Aiken. HAROLD: What?
- What the hell's the matter? ROSENBERG: What are you doing?
No, Why?
You know, I was really happy till you showed up today.
Besides...
I got this.
HAROLD: It's just the weekend.
I did it anyway!
No way, dude. Nobody dies while Claymated. It's a fact.
Oh, I see.
She told me that the only thing I'm gonna be smart enough to do is lay on my back.
...you'd make a great dad.
...heaven. Good to have you on board, NPH. - Hi.
GUSTAV: Wake up!
Russia Russia
Dude, look out!
You branded a prostitute.
But why are you making such a big deal about this?
Your son can rub his ass on Santa's cock in a minute.
Oh, by the way, you got shit all over your car.
Take fucking five!
- I got no bars. - Shit. Nothing here.
...this afternoon?
What singing group...
DAVID: Fuck this! I got a wife...
I wanna be doing this.
TODD [WHISPERS]: Until that fucking Russian sociopathic...
No! No, no, no! That is not true, Daddy.
Unh. Thank God you're here.
...three felonies that I can see in this room right now.
Hi. You guys in charge?
INEZ: Uncle Harold.
Now what?
A couple of brothers can't sell trees? Only swing from them like monkeys?
You don't have to do this.
You still owe me 87 cents for that jalapeño cheeseburger!
- All right, put down the tree. Put it down. - Unh!
But yogurt is sour, so how was I to know?
Merry Christmas, Roldy!
...you guys are pretty cool. So cheers.