Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

You stand at the urinals with those dicks and their dicks.
I'm not crabby.
(indistinct chatter)
All right, thank you for explaining that to me,
Hey, drop me off at the Concord.
You work at the fucking Morris agency.
All right, I'm sorry.
That's how they caught him. His surcharges.
♪ But there's just one thing that I can't see ♪
They don't want to know, do they?
You know what the common denominator is?
(audience chuckling)
Oh. Me? Thank you.
of Lizzie Borden if you want.
trying to find you.
Who the hell is this?
-Anyone need to go potty? -MIDGE: I'm fine. Thanks.
You know the rules. I'm Simon, I says.
-Why? -Oh, is it because of me?
Oh. Joel, hello.
-I really like the theatre. -I do, too.
-Well... -Hey,
-(indistinct chatter) -(insects trilling)
-Rose, I can't do it. -Every year, you say that.
-Who says? -The play police.
Thank God.
jump up and down on one foot.
Anybody who is secure, there's never any hostility
It's on the chair.
SHIRLEY: I'm gonna be carsick.
but, otherwise, secrets.
SOLLY: Midge. Mid-September, two spots.
New play, a patient gave them to me.
If you go, can you possibly stay quiet that long?
"Hey, you're a whore. Who knew?"
I'll buy you a drink back in the Catskills, a thank you drink.
You remember the last piece of advice I gave you?
Needed a break from my parents, huh?
♪ Hurry, oh, oh, baby... ♪
with a box of cereal.
It would be terrifying to know who they are and what they do,
I kissed in the Catskills.
Enough with the showing off already.
♪ You better tell that girl to shut up ♪
NEWS ANNOUNCER: Alaska became the 49th
both possessed humility.
♪ You better tell that girl I'm gonna beat her up ♪
What's going on? Who died? Am I missing something?
Yes, I heard something about the Revlon counter.
I don't think-- they might have. They're Chinese.
Possibly. Jury's still out.
-or a puppet show. -I'm a comedian.
-Simon says bark like a dog. -(all bark)
A-Are you sure he's going back today, and soon?
-Did I leave the iron on? -You didn't leave the iron on.
-Five bucks. -Told you: never bet me. I never lose.
Because fathers never really know who their daughters are.
-Her? -Just focus on your set, please.
Ah. Great. Melvin, I'd like you to meet Midge Maisel.
You know what, she's just gonna be funny
There are renewed calls today for real estate developer
-Mel, you still there? -I'm still here.
You had them. You own them.
♪ Five months, two weeks, two days ♪
-Go away. -You're right.
I see two men standing around a toy.
What the fuck are you doing in New York
Fair enough. So, tomorrow, 7:00, Adelphi Theatre?
It's probably best we don't exchange names, Brenda.
and that the phrase "dead duck"
Why?
That Kutsher's lead turned out to be a total bust.
I don't know.
The Concord may have a midnight spot available.
wouldn't you, Jerome?
"No, not Zoro.
-Okay? We're ready? -ALL: We're ready.
It's still just a room. It's the same audience.
So you work on the barter system?
MIDGE: It's very nice of you to do this, Noah.
-It's nice to see you. -Nice to see you, too.
But do I look rich?
-I do. -I would, but I didn't have to.
because he is intellectually superior.
There's not a lot of story there.
Oh, hey, Noah, you can drop me off at the Concord.
Secrets. Kids have secrets.
actually leads to anything, I will give you a taste.
Now, give these free clothes to all the workers.
(whoops) Made it. Here.
Your best friend Lenny Bruce
I'm going to tell my family soon, after vacation.
Wow, look at the size of that sandwich.
SHIRLEY: Well, people wonder. An explanation never hurts.
The pool never gets wider. They're either bald
And then, as I was crouching in the bushes outside