Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

Pack it in, Kevin, you silly bastard!

I just wanna be good at what I do

No, I'm... I'm...

TUVIX WAS FUCKING MURDERED

Immigrants immigrants immigrants

Something that placed you at the scene of the crime.

Pack it in Putin you silly bastard

- Why do we need the dog? - It's not the dog we need.

So, with them having passed on, I decided to sell it on myself

- No, it isn't. - No, it isn't.

- Head them off? - Fuck, yeah.

So what’s on tap? Birthday rave?

Simon Skinner, I'm arresting you on suspicion of the murder of Leslie Tiller.

yes beryl scial are you a member of the priory of sion? yes and monks don't answer to a piano.

their kiss was the only convincing moment in it.

operate the vehicle removal service for the council?

Chief, we've had a report of some hippy types

It's just the one girlfriend, Actually

and the kiss was the only convincing moment in it.

award winning game

You're playing the male lead in a homage to William Shakespeare's

That was amazing

Yeah, you do your job and we'll do ours, eh?

Consumerism, wonderful

Go back to Lyndon, there's nothing you can do...

- Morning, Sergeant. - Morning.

What's the situation? Once BA and a fuckload of slides

to some folks from the city that Martin, George and Eve,

what's beryl bonk? it's a sacrament.

Are you saying this is all about winning the Best Village Award?

"Local Bobby Gives Thumbs Up To Teen Suicide"?

He’s a nipper Greg, he’ll come round.

our friend, The Living Statue, was here on Saturday.

It's the raffle with a very special guest presenter.

What am I going to do with you?

I’m a slasher

Proceeded to improve skill base with courses in advanced driving

- Do you mind if I ask how she died? - Traffic collision.

Maye we should go on the bouncy castle

No luck catching them killers, then?

What are you up to tonight? I have to water my peace lily

No, I mean which one do you wanna watch first?

A great big bushy beard!

My pens runnin' out Not a problem

He thinks you're talking a load of shit. Swings and roundabouts, isn't it?

Nasty way to go

who's filling in for mike leishman? mellor marks.

And the next name is...

- Oh, I see. It's "feminism." - feminism. Wonderful.

Upon discovering she was about to sell up to the developers,

Must have hit the sign at some speed. Took the whole top off.

- Yes, sir? - That's it.

Have you listened to anything That Iv'e said

Dad says he's got a child's mind

Danny, believe me, it's not something you ever get used to.

when I distracted him with the cuddly monkey.

I'd say that's lunch.

Because "accident" implies there's nobody to blame.

Now, my perfect Sunday would begin with...

Stealing biscuits is.... wrong?

It's over, Danny.

Achieved the highest arrest record for any officer in the Met.

No luck catching those dinosaurs then? It’s just the one dinosaur actually

I'm fine thank you.

See. It's only ever about the job.

- You are talking about here? - Nicholas, what do you want?

My teenage years studying ballet are well known.

Who could do something like this?

Could I have a glass of cranberry juice, please?

- Sir, you have to understand... - No, you have to understand.

Hello Elle How's the hand?

Being a woman has nothing to do with it.

- The victims knew each other. - Everyone knows everyone round here.

CRUSTY FAIRINGS

PC Skinner to the Manager’s Office! Manager’s Office, PC Skinner!

Oh, Authenticate, Authenticate, Authenticate. Change The Fucking Record.

Three people have died in a week.

Well, Mr. Webley, this is an extremely dangerous collection.

Pack it in Andrea you silly bastard

- Pint of lager, please, Mary. - Right you are, my love.

I'm also arresting you on suspicion of the murder of Tim Messenger on May 1st,

Oh, gooner, gooner, gooner! Change the fucking record!

The greater good.

Oh, we're already firm friends

Dom's start to 2025

Well, it's a swan.

Morning, Angle.

When they started the Village of the Year contest,

- In 20 years or so, yes. - Well done, you.

It's all about the greater good.

What absolute Horse shit

Maybe It’s time to give it up sir

How can this be for the greater good?

Nicholas, Nicholas, Nicholas.

Ann widdecombe was fucking murdered!

Well, you've got me there.

Do you really think this is murder?

I dunno… Pub?

No luck catching them trains then? Just the hassocks train actually

- Why are you dressed like a police officer? - Because I am one?

Look I can assure you that it wasn’t my intention to upset the apple cart

They'll make it disappear. Who are they gonna believe?

It’s a requirement

We haven't got long.

You know, maybe he's... Maybe he's not alone. Maybe there are others.

Oh, Batman, Batman, Batman. Change the fucking record.

Actually, Nicholas, you might as well take a break.

You’ve been making us teachers look bad

I think I have a cream for that.

No luck recovering that password then? "It's just the one game password I forgot..."

My my, here come the FAZZ...

Yes, thank you.

yes bergumotiontrayalgoopeessetheerelectriceelryl thomshockagumptionseagullpoochocolatewhitrmpsogumptionpiposodroddososoucsssaucsesluiceofforonswitchbrokerette? what do you want? i want to quanter the remperettes in surfers paradwqinse.

Jeffrey epstien was fucking murdered

Having slipped, and tragically, broken her back

Don't go being a twat now.

its your job isnt it DIRECT!

any luck finding them commits then? it's just the one commit, actually

But you've always been here.

- PC Thatcher? - Yes, love?

- ...decaffeinated? - Decaffeinated?

I want to ask you, would you read a homily at Sunday Service?

Its just the one hammer actually…

What you thinking Tilly?

Why has he got that big coat on?

- Terrible speller. - Oh, yeah?

Get a look at her AAS

in a lovely little place that I think has won Village of the Year

You can arrest us if you like.

what you up to tonight? I have to water my peace lily...

No luck catching them retards then?

BUSYBODIES?! THEY'VE GOTTA BE DEALTH WITH, FRANK!

And what about Tim Messenger? What was his crime?

Put a sock in it, town mouse.

OH, RICO RICO RICO. CHANGE THE FUCKING RECORD.

Change the f**king record!

Greg over there was an extra in Straw Dogs

THE GREATER GOOD THE GREATER GOOD, PRECISELY.

Official vocab guidelines state that "force" is too aggressive.

Well, we can't accept gifts from somebody we've officially rebuked. So...

That's quite all right, Ms. Kirrilly. Drive safe.

"Drive safe. " Oh, my God.

What can possibly go wrong

When you find Alex's Stash of dead pikies

We like to let them think they run the place.

But it's been impounded as evidence.

Me when you get angry at me

Oh I see. That’s fascism.

I'm an addict and must be stopped.

Would Sergeant Angel come to the stage, please?

Mr Skinner Dan has broke glass in aisle 6

Do feel free to spool through.

Nasty way to go.

- I'm Roy Porter. This is my wife Mary. - Mary.

alt alt alt CHANGE THE FUCKING RECORD

No, sorry, you were talking about the offer?

Unless there's anything you're unclear about?