Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

NARRATOR: And where exactly was Marty Huggins on 9/1 1 ?
Fucking cunt ass Serpent bit me!
Oh, jam a lit sparkler up my dickhole. That is painful.
Hey, Cam. Come on, we gotta go.
MlTZl: They're homeschooled. -They're good eaters.
I promise.
Why are they denied modern technology?
-lt's a $900 haircut. MlTCH: Don't talk about that, Cam.
-Cam, it smells horrible in here. -lt's not that bad once you get used to it.
Come on, little buddies. Come on.
That balloon is full of your own fart toots That balloon is full of your own fart toots
CARTER: Sometimes democracy moves with the stroke of a pen...
Don't listen to him, Cam.
Like lick each other's buttholes in a Denny's bathroom
Kelly when asked about Christmas
I could be your dad.
Do we kill him?
Give us this day our daily...
TAYTAY TOMORROW
Overtime firefighters are this nation’s backbone
-Mind if I talk to my man here? -Sure.
...and make sure that everything's gonna be civil, you know?
Your nickname in school was Tickle Shits. I'm gonna see if it's true.
Why would you do this? You just killed the campaign.
-Ooh! -Oh.
You got a lot of energy, don't you?
[SPEAKS lN SPANlSH]
I did this because I love my home and I wanted to help out.
I FEEL LIKE IM MAINTAINING
All his paperwork is here.
I started drinking again.
Just like we rehearsed.
MlTCH: I just found out some interesting news. -Mm-hm.
Have them put down humanely
Turn the page.....
I feel like I’m maintaining Am I maintaining?
Po Po Po Po Power with Bearglove
[AUDlENCE BOOS]
He's a little stressed out.
-Pull up your pants, honey. -Okay.
[TRlPP LAUGHS]
There you go, Marty. Amen, Marty. Jesus loves you, Marty.
-Sit down. -Okay.
[AUDlENCE MURMURlNG]
Cam Brady, have you not wrought enough evil on this home?!
...and bought 50 foreclosed homes in this district? What are you doing?
You own a chocolate Lab and a golden retriever, two highest-polling dogs.
CAM JR.: Yeah. -Seeing any girls yet?
Congressman, are you taking money to promote Menthol 1 00s or not?
No. You cannot have guns in here. Are you crazy?
DON'T YOU SHIT YOUR PANTS, MIGUEL!
Are you tryin to Trash talk me
-Are we doing what I think we're doing? -l don't know.
...a.k.a. the Greek Baker...
Strong. Real strong.
You don’t have the faith of god!
[SHRlEKS]
-l don't wanna see it. -You're welcome.
He told the truth.
-He has ascended. -Cam!
They got him in a hundred-dollar suit and gave him a $5 haircut.
Is anyone asking how my hand feels
...over allegations of using federal funds to purchase his mistress's fake breasts.
Got a book of bad ideas? I got a book of great ideas; And that's the first one!
-Sad. -Well, Raymond Huggins' boy Marty?
CAM: My dream maker. Thanks for coming out.
We are acquiring massive parcels of real estate under a shell corporation...
Welcome to the show!
Matty Ice? Big Fat Pussy Whose Too Afraid to do What it Takes to Win
-Do you know what it is? -Yeah. But I ain't gonna tell you, dick sweat.
The entire country is talking about what you did.
Be my Drew Carey.
We didn't have any idea that you had this kind of talent.
Welcome to the f**kin show
What did you do After buying a Sidewinder?
...we're not gonna be mad.
I got crazy, Marty.
You have factories in China. Why are you gonna bring them here?
I do not want to live in Rainbow Land...
...and it had a giraffe in high heels.
The other one's looking at the other one, going, What?
Welcome to the f**kin show
Hee Haw!
MARTY: Okay. Hey, Daddy.
WADE: This is the 14th district of North Carolina and the city of Hammond.
Keep your heads bowed, please.
-Oh, I remember that name. -Mm-hm.
Hey! Get some American Beers you commie!
We're gonna run them both. Let's turn the heat up on Mr. Marty Huggins.
What are you doing? You're fucking up, baby bro.
Trannies are this nation’s backbone
Your brother Tripp is a bull's-eye.
I ain't much of nothing.
...that we're not gonna stand for the mudslinging that's tearing this country apart.
And we immediately sold that real estate and debt...
All right, I gotta go. Donald Trump O’24
lt's not a real place!
Eight years ago, actress Rosie Perez passed through...
And I won.
...and I'm a little emotional.
You Fucked Up
I think anybody that writes about the redistribution of wealth...
...because if he was, oh, Jesus would give him a tongue-lashing.
Oh, no. Easy, slow.
Rule #1
[AUDlENCE CHEERS]
Hmm.
You know why?
Here he is, the man of the hour.
My sons calls the teacher a cocksucker… Turn the page, it says, we watch encanto
ALL: Yeah!
Candidate Huggins shot his opponent, Congressman Brady, in a hunting accident...
Mood.
Goddamn it, I'm so proud of you. I mean--
[ALL CHUCKLlNG]
daniel bessa and bray riccardo. ann davidson and ross waitr.
How do you expect to do that?
You can't make me live in rainbow land!
-You don't know how to trash-talk, do you? -[WHlSPERlNG] I do know how to.
Chinese dogs
Click it. Click it real good.
That's a great question, Carl. Thank you for asking it.
Welcome To The Fu**ing Show
-All right. -That's how we do.
-Why? -To make my farts glow.
HOPE EVERYONE MAKES IT TO THE PTF!
And today opponent Marty Huggins did the craziest stunt to date.
-Cam, do you think I'm an idiot? -l do not.
-Worst as in...? -ln the history of numbers.
PO!!! WELCOME TO THE SHOW.
He's up in the polls.
MlTCH: Holy smokes. Done. You had your fun. -This is over. Damn. You had your fun.
Biden’s Plan
[GRUNTlNG]
Look, l'd like to say one thing: Marty Huggins for Congress in '012.
Do your dogs ever go to a different room?
But on this election day, if you choose to vote for me, know this:
I swear. I swear on my mother's grave. Okay? lsn't that enough? Come on.
-Dad. -Oh, shit.
...every single dime, will be used to defeat Marty Huggins.
I find it tragic when someone isn't recognized for perfection.
But every day, it's the same thing.
Well, I appreciate you saying that, Cam.
-Oh, God. -Ugh. Breast.
GLENN: lt'll save a fortune in shipping.