Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

Andy, Merv does not get hate mail.

to touch my celebrity cyst.

Lawler, I did not agree to this. This is against the rules!

My father said I could've hired a lawyer and sued you for everything you've got.

I'm gonna sue you for everything you've got, I swear to God.

Thank you, Andy. I'm delighted to be here. It's overwhelming to me.

I did not agree to wrestle you! I did not agree!

Andy, look in my eye...

They'll deny it up and down, but believe me, it's true.

Hello, I am Jimmy Carter,

uh, dramatic purposes.

We're just listening for his call

If there is a woman here tonight who can come up here and prove me wrong,

- Hi. - Now you can't even tell the difference.

I got the wings of a dove

- And here is your gift voucher to Red Lobster. - Thank you so much.

I did it! This is for real!

I prefer the fine arts, henceforth, today...

Kaufman is out of it!

I'm not a comedian. I don't do jokes.

- Vixen and Blitzen and all his reindeer - I can't believe this!

- I make more money in one day than you do... - Kaufman!

It's terrible. I-I do not even like it.

To the jailhouse rock

- Whatever you want. - Bonus! Thank you very much.

the imitations.

- Wait, wait. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. - What?

- It was so good. - I have to do Taxi, though, right?

- Yeah. - What's your name?

Lawler is gonna settle a score for each and every one of us,

- and again and again and again and again--

Andy's up in his room?

- There's no show for you. - Wh-What do you want me to do?

Every heart should be

Hi. Right this way, please.

It's just your stress unraveling itself.

I brought you some Haagen-Dazs.

Diane, this is George.

Hey, hot shot. How you doin'?

I'm breaking through I'm bending spoons

I will have this fraulein und the one with the big strudels.

- You had a huge boner on national television. - Oh, man!

and wipe your hands with it...

What, did we hit a little speed bump?

I am a national TV star,

Okay. Let's try two of those.

And they sing Oh, ain't you glad you're single

Over my shoulder a piano falls

Although I've got to leave

I'm keepin' flowers in full bloom

Kaufman's crappin' on my act!

All right. Be my guest. Book him.

It's my special! I have creative control. Now roll it!

When I'm famous, I'm gonna sell these,

We'll have a garage sale. No, I'm over and out.

With each day so full of joy

But-But that's Tony down there. It's not Andy.

So, all my friends good-bye

Oh, no. Zmuda, I'm gonna kill you.

Come on. Everybody.

I don't want to tell them.

This is artsy-fartsy shit. I mean, what--

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

I, I think you can use some of those words on television,

The cheers turned to jeers.

There's a drug in those cookies.

Thankful for this friendly, friendly world.

And the bird goes--

Did you come down here to wrestle or act like an ass?

And that's my father's old car.

and we sort of got into a fight over it.

I want this show to build and build.

We've gone to commercial!

It's just that we feel that, well, you and the program...

Ladies and gentlemen, uh,

- Andy, you got a little something-- - Hmm?

Are you listening to me?

so I guess that's too lofty a concept for you.

He's the Southern heavyweight champion. He'll kill you.

Wow. You're still here.

I would like to use the phone!

You pulled her hair! You won't be getting a second warning!

He's an absolute embarrassment to humanity, this man from Hollywood.

You feel stupid? What about us?

You give 'em Mighty Mouse. You give 'em Elvis.

very difficult for me to say.

- Yeah - Oh, ho!

- That'll keep you going on a hot day. - Can we get to work?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa

Why did you call me? You are the last person I expected to call me.

I'm going to the Philippines.

Mr. Kaufman will only appear in half the episodes of Taxi.

Look, it pains me to say this,

- Here comes Santa Claus - Boys and girls, you're not gonna believe this!

I want no kicking, biting, scratching, head butts. Do you understand?

With the sky so full of stars.

You have all just participated in a happening.

I'm inclined to reserve all judgments,

No, no, no, no, no, no. No, no.

You're-- You're terrific.