Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

- August fourth. - Fourth?

Fuck me, children, fuck me, Children, fuck me, children

I think I'm gonna go upstairs and watch It's a Wonderful Life

The fuck is going on? Hey, goddamn it!

♪ That's what Christmas means to me My love ♪

He's Cook. I'm Davis. We're here for the orientation.

Well, in fairness, I did leave it unattended,

Hey, I'm gonna be home late again tonight.

Well, I feel like General MacArthur must have felt when he put his uniform on

Oh, my God! That feels amazing! Holy shit!

You know every time you're passed out,

We do hot sandwiches at Hungry Hoagies now.

- It does? - No. On what fucking planet...?

But I always burn my hand getting them out of oven.

Can we get a Chicago pizza? It's like pizza, but in Chicago.

It's Christmas. A time for forgiveness. For family.

Shut the fuck up.

What, you don't trust your mother?

Uh, Willie, it's really cold here. I didn't bring a coat. Only my gloves.

Really? That's funny, I don't see your fucking name on it anywhere.

That's our take window. Last year, the haul was almost 2 mil.

Yeah, yeah. That's great, that's great. I, I don't know.

I'm a goddamn hero.

This is really fun, Willie. I didn't even know you had a mom.

You really think I'd be dumb enough to put real bullets in that gun?

It's pretty, pretty fucking dirty, I guess.

Call me "Santa."

Here's your ID.

It was a one-time thing. That never happened.

- Well, I'm glad you followed your passion. - What's that smell?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get it. Don't be touching me.

♪ Heedless of the wind and weather Fa la la la la la la la la ♪

And if we're being honest here, you, you guys should be supplying us

You're my shitstick. And nobody's gonna mess with you on my watch.

People ask me if I miss my old teeth.

- I have 20. - Give it to her after.

Hey! Get off of him you little shit!

♪ Joy to the world, the Lord is come ♪

You are a fucking pedophile!

- All right, then. - That also...

No, shitstick. I brought you in. You're the safe cracker.

I ain't sticking around. Just give it to Opal after.

Christmas Eve, they have a big charity concert.

Well, if this ain't fetal alcohol syndrome,

But when I put this suit on, I feel like...

the money's just sitting there, waiting for an armored transfer.

- Hi, I'm Diane and I'm an alcoholic. - Hi, Diane.

And I know you're not my real family,

♪ All is calm ♪

Besides that, I'm a fucking guy. You didn't turn funny, did you?

Are you washing your fucking hands right now?

- She died. - When?

♪ Baby, baby, baby ♪

when you're representing the suit.

One time, I ate too much turkey bacon, I didn't poop for two weeks.

Now step the fuck back!

Well, Granny had a good run.

This guy's a pedophiliac, here, and he's after all your kids.

I'm talking about addiction, Mr. Cook.

Now if you think you can handle that,

but that's only because I had to run off to the little boys' room.

Come on. Let's go.

You mean like sex stuff? That kind of thing?

I'm just tired of that fucking coughing.

♪ Christmas, Christmas ♪

Like that will fucking stop me? Rigor mortis just make the pussy tighter.

♪ Oh, there's no place like home For the holidays ♪

Hey, kid, listen.

No, I don't need no fucking hug from Santa.

And there's only one thing that can change that.

He's the fucking kid diddler, not me. I'm a hero!

Make yourselves at home. Bedroom's mine.

Please say hello to Thurman Merman. Thurman?

I'm not missing The Bachelor finale.

Well, I guess this is what they call a happy ending.

Yeah, maybe we'll do that.

- Who the hell is Willie? - Can I ride the bicycle now?

We're doing all the Christmas carols, "Silent Night," "Deck the Halls,"

Is he always this fucking useless?

and then get the hell out of there before anybody knows what's hit them.

Ya! You no good motherfucker!

Guess you don't know what today is.