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Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips
Get a bite of this pumpernickel bread.
- That is not how you serve a sandwich. - Willie.
You're scaring all the kids away. You know what I mean?
Where are the cherry pop ladies?
Hey, Cook!
- Ow! - Oh, call the medic!
so if you got a problem with that, you take it up with the Lollipop Guild.
No. The Hungry Hoagies people tested me. I'm top of the spectrum.
Look, I'm trying to make up for lost time here.
Hey, goddamn pussy! You motherfucker!
What? Ugh.
We only put butter on food. Hand isn't food.
I'm a good girl, Mr. Cook, but sometimes I need to be bad.
But sometimes, you have to lose something to gain something.
- Motherfucker! - Get off of him!
Thank you for that, Jason.
The cherry pop lady gave it to me.
You know, a lot of these kids don't got any arms and legs and shit.
I always wanted to fuck me a Santa.
- I see they made you some chairs already. - Fuck you.
Anyway, still good to see you.
Anyway, Santy ain't no arms dealer, so I can't help you out.
No, I'm not anything like you.
Oh, is that you? I thought it was me.
- Fuck you! - It was just business.
Would you get it together? Tomorrow is go time.
Just did a little digging, a little Googling,
Same day as the President's Day sale at Blue Mesa Toyota and Scion
Seriously, you need to give my bike back. Now.
You tricked me, you little shithole!
- Gina, was it? - That's right.
Oh, Gina!
because when some shit gets over with,
I'll look for you and I'll wave like this. Okay?
Did you forget about this?
And that is one piece of motherly advice I hope you took to heart.
Money!
♪ Sleep in heavenly peace ♪
- Hey, keep those coming, will you? - Mm-hmm.
Fucking asshole.
oh yeah…
Oh, well, don't lose your focus. We still need that key.
so I think it should be a light landing for both of you. Okay?
You got ten minutes to get to Regent's office, crack that safe,
Look, when you were a baby,
- But you're my family. - No, I'm not your family.
Come on, man.
who are in your family.
I am all about those kids and the Christmas concert.
I said I'm fucking busy!
No way these assholes have 2 million bucks.
- Ronald. We haven't officially met. - Well, hello, Ronald. Officially.
Matter of fact, I think she roofied me.
Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho!
Don't be weird. Tell me how dirty this is.
Thank you.
I hate him more than anything in the goddamn world! Except her.
Here, drink this.
Oh, sorry about the confusion. That's all we have in your size.
Wait till he gets to attention, then poke him in there.
Get out of my car!
I don't go in for all the sappy shit.
Or you could do your dumb-ass self a favor, at least hear me out before you quit.
So you see, happy endings are bullshit.
while I got off clean by ratting out my steaming pile of shit mother.
And I trust you about as far as I can throw her.
I knew you couldn't stay away. You always were your mama's boy.
And then at night, they store that cash in the safe in Regent's office.
Go ahead. Shoot me, shitstick.
- Willie, you in there? - Get rid of him.
I am going to have to ask you to watch your language
I'm in Chicago, but I can't find you anywhere.
I'll be smoking like an old Buick, all right?
Shouldn't be a problem for you. You got it?
Now, I'm dating again, and I'm ready to find The One.
And this year, they requested Mr. and Mrs. Santa Claus.
I rooted out a pervert.
- Okay. I'll try to be a man. For you. - No, not for me. For you.
Come on, boy. Be just like old times.
- Shit happens. - That's fucking beautiful.
He was my original elf. Remember those times, Willie?
- Oh, that sounds really nice. - Well, it wasn't nice.