Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

and shows and whatnot, so I snagged this one just for us.

♪ Deck the halls with boughs of holly ♪

I'm working on it, okay?

- Diane? That doesn't sound like her. - I want you to watch her.

Well, give me the fucking bag. I'm taking this back to the kids.

Just fucking pull over, okay?

Empty your pockets. Place any metal items in the tray.

♪ In the lane snow is glistening ♪

"Jingle Bells," "Veni, Veni, Emmanuel ." That one's in Latin.

Yes, it's dirty.

There's a lot of money in it. And a phone.

All right, listen, you gotta quit fucking calling me, okay?

a dry hand job to Isaac in Accounting. Boom.

♪ That's what Christmas means to me My love ♪

grab the money, throw it down the garbage chute

♪ Ha ha ha Bells on bobtails ring ♪

He helped me find focus.

She and her husband run the joint.

- Hi, thank you so much for coming. - Okay?

She's so sweet. I wish I had a hundred volunteers like her.

Fuck me, Santa! Fuck me, Santa! Fuck me, Santa!

So, while you're playing Santa, I'm gonna clean these buggers out.

I'd like to tear your little panties off get that ass in my face And just fuck that pussy like you can't imagine

That's a level three contraband. I'm gonna have to compensate that.

And Willie ran really fast and he almost got to the door,

I've been dealing with the kid, all right?

- What's up, girl? - Ooh. You know what's up, playa.

Guys who are well-traveled, cultured and into butt stuff.

It's raining money!

And this is the first present Willie ever got me for Christmas.

Breathe through your mouth so that you don't puke.

Come on, Willie, I need this.

- Willie, you're home! - Goddamn, kid. Watch the spine bone.

Don't worry, Willie. I'm okay. It's just in my butt.

Hold the fucking phone.

but when you don't have real family, then you have to make a new one.

♪ Shake it to the west, baby Shake it all night ♪

Willie, come on. Just give it a chance.

but with adult man-sized bullets.

And I know your sorry ass does too. Look at you, man.

And not with some little nubbin-dick gun,

Well, I thought that's what we were talking about here.

You're not the first volunteer to go off the rails.

- Pew-pew. - Don't touch me with the fucking thing.

Look at all the Santas! I really get to stay here?

Shut the hell up! Just break it down for him, Sunny.

No. I need a Santa suit. This is an elf suit.

You could be speaking fucking Swahili and I wouldn't know any better.

- So please try and make us look good. - Oh, we'll make you look great.

Now get your filthy ass in the car.

Sweetheart, I'm not sure you could handle my A game.

Fuck! Fucking pussy!

Alrighty, here we go.

The trash chute's the best way in.

I don't think I like it here, Willie.

Find them. All of them!

I fucking read you wrong. I was just...

What's the trouble, then, baby?

Don't buy their shit, William. No such thing as an alcoholic.

I can't, sir. It still has eight minutes to reboot.

so I'm gonna need you on the safe.

You know, they used to sterilize guys like you.

- Exactly. - You should get bunk beds, Willie.

Look, I'm not gonna pretend I was a perfect mother.

- You can't smoke here, sir. - So call the fucking law.

- Some duct tape so I can build a boat. - What?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I know, I know, I know! Uh, it never happened. I get it.

Come on. Get out of here. Put a fucking diaper on.

Except that one jerking off over there. And that one watching him jerk off.

I was born in the Pulaski County Juvenile Detention Center in Little Rock, Arkansas.

with some kind of electric underwear or some shit.

Not everyone. Just you.

- What's up, champ? - I want a hand grenade.

Gina, check the security cameras.

I, I can't. I can't come.

But thanks for the lobster.

♪ Fa la la la la la la la la La la la ♪

There ain't enough booze to forget it.

♪ And the snow is falling on the ground ♪

So while the kids and volunteers are all singing,

My friend Ronnie says,

Because there's not enough beds? I only counted one, plus a couch.

Then you just start tugging on your little soldier.

- This is all your handiwork. - Huh?

Except I don't know anyone at that Hungry Hoagies.

- Exactly. - Right.

♪ And he was headin' for Pennsylvania ♪

And I always had a drink on your birthday... January third.

Let's just say my whole life

Chicago, you racist moron fuck!

- This better be an emergency. - Willie, where are you?

He's with his little nub, going.

You look like one of those trolls that gang-fucked Willy Wonka.

- "Randall Cook"? - What the fuck wrong with that?

It was probably making you forget all the fun you had.