Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

Do what you need to do.

We give the award for best student film

That's exactly what I'm telling you.

- That's correct. - That sucks.

No. I changed my mind, and I'm really sorry.

I don't want to end up like that. It's so sad.

if you have the same kind of problem.

"These are cocksucker, motherfucker,

And anything bad you say about negroes,

I'll tell you, nothing makes a woman hotter

And you know why I'm pissed? I'll tell you why.

That's what I thought. Monaco.

they're really desperate for me, which I like.

Now, from now on, all your little bits

[Both Chuckling]

And what were you in?

Oh, the underpants are coming off.

Yeah. You're beautiful.

Robin: Was it a boy?

of your summer stock experience.

Well, every morning I lie in bed,

I'll tell you what, I'll just kneel over here,

Just give me a couple of days to make them understand.

Were you a Beatles fan?

I'm going to do everything I can for you.

You say whatever you want.

What an ad-libber, Ross.

Listen to me. Listen to me.

# La la la la la la #

General Sarnoff formed NBC radio,

You think it's funny to make jokes about our personal life like that?

I'm showing my apartment now.

My wife, she comes home from work, she goes to sleep.

You spin and you spin and you spin.

I said when we came here, if I was gonna win on the radio,

If he slept with 16,000 women,

Hey, the Duke of rock's gettin' ready to walk,

bunch of creeps, and I'm not afraid to say it right now,

Howard, you gotta listen to this man 'cause he's a genius.

Let me introduce, over here to my right,

and put the bass all the way up?

Now, give me a call here at DC 101

Let me tell you something.

Joe… You are the motherfucking Antichrist!

You want to be management, you fire him, huh?

- Please! - For God's sakes,

Howard On TV: I'll tell you another thing...

Don't hurt yourself, man.

and now this dickwad is calling me Big Bird.

send a hit man to the United States of America

Coming up next on the Big Bird show.

# I'm a tortured man #

[Trumpet Fanfare]

I just told you I went there as a kid, and now the grand opening...

you still would've lost the pregnancy.

Although, I did manage to convince one of them to be my weather lady.

Come here. I'm gonna kiss your feet.

And on the air, you do what you do. That's your job.

# There are many here among us #

No, it's a very quiet street.

I just changed my mind.

There's no smoke in here.

I spent all night with her in the hospital.

This is the God's honest truth.

Donald get the fuck out Donald get the fuck out

But I think it's right that I go crazy, you know?

Did you just say, "big cock coming out of your mouth sucks"?

Mandy has agreed to actually get on the floor with me

and you're putting it in your mouth,

Good. Now, I'm gonna go in there

Someone more pathetic than me.

I'm gonna get these guys to hire you, all right?

We gotta move to Miss Brett Somers.

I was a captain in the Air Force. What were you?

And I start tomorrow?

Caller: I have one of those big sound systems.

Yeah, it was my fault.

You have the face of an angel.

Listen to her. She's going wild.

is to make up a grid of all your comedy bits

Snap to it. I'm ovulating.

I squoze it myself.

- He's like a... child. - [Jackhammer]

And every time I feel like I shouldn't say something,

I bring egg rolls.

What do you look like?

Come on. Come on.

How you doing, man? Good to see ya.

and becomes the wacky morning man at WCCC."

More than anything, I'd like the public to appreciate me.

"If necessary, stuff a semirigid, large object

and you're jamming the kielbasa

He says it through a character.

I mean, I have to be romanced.

And you got to try and catch it, OK?

Howard: # I'm a radio star #

And I blow up the whole damn thing.

An hour and 20 minutes.

- It's nice. - Sit down.

This guy must be hot.

[Enunciation Unclear] Howard goes to Hartford at CCC.

Fred, get me back on the air.

- All right... - [Shivering]

Nobody. Maybe, like, 3 guys in a dorm somewhere.

Mr. Jackie "The Jokeman" Martling.

I remember how embarrassing it was

Right now, I need to know, are you doing it or not?

and it's a wonderful thing to have you here,

# Yeah, you really got me now #

# Let's dance #

My grandmother died last night.

Ben: Shut up! Sit down!

Thanks. Thanks... Thanks for everything.

And this is the hell that's my life.

I liked that. A little bonding.

Mr. Stern, he's in a meeting.

[Smoke On The Water Plays]

Hey, God, me and my wife are trying to have another baby.

And quite frankly, I'm just a little bit hurt

I won't make any money.

There's a perfectly good explanation.

Its pronounced W - aye - T!

And we can just mail them a picture of that,

His name is Pig Vomit.

Our first clue up is...

[Faucet Squeaks]

You have Howard Stern outside my fucking office?

Hi. How's it going?

No. Actually...

You've got to tell everyone. My audience wants to know why you're interrupting.

I'm begging you to... I'm liking it down here.

Maybe the two of you would like to have

I can't believe you made me do that on the air.

It's not radio.

May I say that you are beautifully big- breasted again?

My father commuted every day,

and we'll be done with them in a second and we'll be out of your way.

Ohh! Army? Navy?

I've been pissing off every publicist,

[Tires Screech]

Fred: She's right.

You punk! Fuck you 1000 percent

and the corresponding days of the week,

Look at me! Look at me!

Uh, you know, I bought a book,

# One more time, and when she got to... #