Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

Now, if you wanted to buy liver for dinner,

Uh, having a seizure?

No, sir, I'm not an idiot.

It's unbelievable.

You're on the cutting edge of radio entertainment.

I see your wife had a miscarriage.

As a matter of fact,

# Bang, the walls started shakin' #

# Ooh-ooh-ooh dee dee #

Caller, Giggling: Oh, my God.

[Clearing Throat]

Don't answer that question. Bad question.

Howard Stern, executive manager.

How you doing, Marvin?

But I'm not going to act on it.

I'll sue your ass!

and I'm lying in my bunk,

Oh, look at her. I mean, this was a miracle.

Oh. I'm so sorry.

I am fully aroused right now. I am totally engorged.

# There's too much confusion #

You fucking waltz in here,

If you can't be good, be bad, baby.

I feel like such a loser.

You know what I'm doing? I'm begging you.

I do show my boobs

It's kind of a bad time, OK?

This is not Muffler Man. This is Stereo fucking City.

- Is that so? - Yeah! Strip!

You know when you did that ad, when you were just being yourself?

we named her Emily. 7 pounds, 8 ounces.

but I got to tell you something.

It's so exciting. Did you call your mother?

How about you go on the air 3 A.M. This morning,

# But I can't be the one that you need, yeah #

but she was losing her looks. Let's be honest.

Eh. I pay you...

You know, it was a great interview on the radio.

I am begging you, please...

What do you think about that?

This all from a guy who's only told me to shut up about 50,000 times.

- WNBC, please hold. - WNBC, please hold.

What are you worried about?

I have a confession to make.

I mean, I never made him wear my underwear to school.

Eugene is my pen name 'cause I wrote this while I was in the pen.

This is, uh, something special.

Tell me about the secret world of lesbian sex.

Howard: And then what happens?

You have lousy voice, lousy personality, and this will not change.

and, Donna, I don't know if you know this,

'Cause this is what I picture.

And I don't think you should start now.

General Alberto DeCarlo...

# I'm callin', callin' #

Don lmus was the number one disc jockey in New York,

but, in fact, I...

My life was perfect.

You know, I have to admit

and had sex with my daddy's sister, but...

Listened to your show last night. It was great.

dump out of the delay, and go straight to a record.

So this is your old pal Hopalong Howie saying I quit.

OK, I'm just gonna go over here and work on my script.

and the FCC wants me off the air,

See, that's when I came to a profound realization...

I must've killed, like, 200 kids.

Forget it. You believe this?

Gary: Let's see some muscles.

But what about the people who hate Stern?

[Knock On Door]

is the afternoon drive-time disc jockey

You punk! Fuck you 1,000%% %!

Yeah, well, I don't do character...

You're gonna like it here.

Look at this...

# Doo-doop doo-doo-doo #

OK. Now I'm hot.

someone so marvelous, so wonderful to me,

Oh, really? I am right.

and continue this broadcast.

We're going to have winners take...

Let me demonstrate my point.

Screw Superman.

Now, if you want to truly be management,

Mark it on your calendar."

Here's this beautiful girl,

Yeah? What sequel? Suppose the movie sucks?

That's what I was. I was a captain.

I've been getting up at 5:00 every morning to work for Howard.

Now, what do you suggest we do here?

You don't understand. I'm not a piece of meat.

although he was very sexual.

Howard: Mmm. For God's sakes.

She just wants pictures to show her friends.

Howard: From that moment on, I wanted to be on the radio.

[Helicopter Flying Sound Effect]

Fred: I was very moved.

and she died last night.

Now, take this woman, for example.

Hey, Marvin, what happened to the new building?

Howard: This is nice. You wanna know something?

# The thief, he kindly spoke #

and that's when I met the other woman in my life.

I really think you need counseling.

Your body rejected what was going on.

Mr. Ringo Starr, and he's here in the studio.

The Duke of rock's just finishing up,

Here at NBC, this is real radio.

So am I. This is disgraceful.

Oh, please, Robin! You've gone too far.

and I swear I'll never stray from Alison again. Never.

Good point. The average Stern hater...

Howard On Radio: I just want to thank someone this morning.

D.C. Carpet canceled because of him.

but you can say "big cock coming out of my mouth"?

- Howard Stern. - You want to be a disc jockey?

I work with an outpatient program for schizophrenics.

Only reason it's for sale is they're divorcing.

What do you mean?

looks like Big Bird to me...

Julie, I want you to tell us about your first lesbianic experience.

You know, we have the most beautiful audience.

Program... director.

I forgot to put it in your box.

I was just doing character...

And my name is Howard Stern

He comes to me.

Hi, Mr. Engineer. Hi.

Boy, what a loser you are.

You know what the problem is? You're tired.

My wife was suffering from cancer... I never told you this...

Go to the... supermarket?

Foul-mouthed, immature...

And for my 12th birthday, my mother bought me some puppets,

I think that's a no-no.

and you think you know everything, don't you?

Listen, man, as soon as I get to Detroit and things start happenin',

[Sniff Sniff] Ahem.

He loves you guys.

# No such luck #

Caller: I can't believe you're really making me to do this.

I just got to let things fly.

It's good to fire someone. It gives a good message to the others.

You're a genius.

She's in town, like, 2 minutes,

- Howard... - Come on, last night we were laughing about this.

Robin, those guys are assholes. They screwed you,

He's on the FCC's most-wanted list.

Pack up your shit. I'm not kidding. Let's go.

on a regular basis.

Uh, I know I shouldn't be interrupting in the middle of a song,

No, he's not here today, not in this scene,

and get myself on the air.

[Water Running]

# And I can't be the... #

What would it be like to have sex with her?

No, no. Don't bother.

Oh, yeah, that was great, Ringo.

I'm making such a mistake.

Mr. Engineer, please, some music.

I admire you, you know? I love what you do.

At any minute, you're gonna be number one.

I'm flipping out, too.

Right up against it so you can feel me.