Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

What are you worried about?

Howard Stern, executive manager.

I'm flipping out, too.

What do you think about that?

Howard: From that moment on, I wanted to be on the radio.

I've been getting up at 5:00 every morning to work for Howard.

and I swear I'll never stray from Alison again. Never.

And for my 12th birthday, my mother bought me some puppets,

You don't understand. I'm not a piece of meat.

Eugene is my pen name 'cause I wrote this while I was in the pen.

is the afternoon drive-time disc jockey

D.C. Carpet canceled because of him.

He's on the FCC's most-wanted list.

but she was losing her looks. Let's be honest.

# I'm callin', callin' #

At any minute, you're gonna be number one.

You're on the cutting edge of radio entertainment.

Hi, Mr. Engineer. Hi.

See, that's when I came to a profound realization...

You're a genius.

I admire you, you know? I love what you do.

Caller, Giggling: Oh, my God.

and that's when I met the other woman in my life.

Now, take this woman, for example.

I just got to let things fly.

although he was very sexual.

Howard On Radio: I just want to thank someone this morning.

That's what I was. I was a captain.

'Cause this is what I picture.

Oh, really? I am right.

I was just doing character...

Don't answer that question. Bad question.

This is, uh, something special.

Oh, yeah, that was great, Ringo.

So this is your old pal Hopalong Howie saying I quit.

She's in town, like, 2 minutes,

Mark it on your calendar."

but I got to tell you something.

[Knock On Door]

I see your wife had a miscarriage.

But I'm not going to act on it.

Let me demonstrate my point.

He comes to me.

Uh, having a seizure?

and continue this broadcast.

No, no. Don't bother.

Howard: This is nice. You wanna know something?

I mean, I never made him wear my underwear to school.

I'm making such a mistake.

- Howard... - Come on, last night we were laughing about this.

looks like Big Bird to me...

[Clearing Throat]

Your body rejected what was going on.

[Sniff Sniff] Ahem.

someone so marvelous, so wonderful to me,

Pack up your shit. I'm not kidding. Let's go.

I am fully aroused right now. I am totally engorged.

You know what the problem is? You're tired.

dump out of the delay, and go straight to a record.

Right up against it so you can feel me.

Only reason it's for sale is they're divorcing.

You know, it was a great interview on the radio.

- Is that so? - Yeah! Strip!

Listen, man, as soon as I get to Detroit and things start happenin',

and you think you know everything, don't you?

But what about the people who hate Stern?

How you doing, Marvin?

What would it be like to have sex with her?

Oh, please, Robin! You've gone too far.

# Bang, the walls started shakin' #

# Doo-doop doo-doo-doo #

I forgot to put it in your box.

I have a confession to make.

You have lousy voice, lousy personality, and this will not change.

She just wants pictures to show her friends.

What do you mean?

Fred: I was very moved.

Gary: Let's see some muscles.

I am begging you, please...

we named her Emily. 7 pounds, 8 ounces.

Yeah? What sequel? Suppose the movie sucks?

I work with an outpatient program for schizophrenics.

Uh, I know I shouldn't be interrupting in the middle of a song,

Robin, those guys are assholes. They screwed you,

It's kind of a bad time, OK?

Oh. I'm so sorry.

Mr. Engineer, please, some music.

# Ooh-ooh-ooh dee dee #

OK. Now I'm hot.

and the FCC wants me off the air,

Yeah, well, I don't do character...

Screw Superman.

You know when you did that ad, when you were just being yourself?

Program... director.

We're going to have winners take...

It's unbelievable.

And my name is Howard Stern

It's so exciting. Did you call your mother?

but you can say "big cock coming out of my mouth"?

- Howard Stern. - You want to be a disc jockey?

As a matter of fact,

Look at this...

Here at NBC, this is real radio.

and get myself on the air.

So am I. This is disgraceful.

and I'm lying in my bunk,

[Water Running]

and had sex with my daddy's sister, but...

This is not Muffler Man. This is Stereo fucking City.

Good point. The average Stern hater...

Mr. Ringo Starr, and he's here in the studio.

Now, if you want to truly be management,

No, he's not here today, not in this scene,

# And I can't be the... #

# There's too much confusion #

I feel like such a loser.

You punk! Fuck you 1,000%% %!

Don lmus was the number one disc jockey in New York,

but, in fact, I...

- WNBC, please hold. - WNBC, please hold.

Howard: Mmm. For God's sakes.

My life was perfect.

OK, I'm just gonna go over here and work on my script.

I do show my boobs

You know, I have to admit

You're gonna like it here.

General Alberto DeCarlo...

Foul-mouthed, immature...

Oh, look at her. I mean, this was a miracle.

He loves you guys.

I must've killed, like, 200 kids.

and she died last night.

# But I can't be the one that you need, yeah #

This all from a guy who's only told me to shut up about 50,000 times.

You know what I'm doing? I'm begging you.

Eh. I pay you...

And I don't think you should start now.

I really think you need counseling.

Here's this beautiful girl,

Forget it. You believe this?

Hey, Marvin, what happened to the new building?

My wife was suffering from cancer... I never told you this...

Now, what do you suggest we do here?

Julie, I want you to tell us about your first lesbianic experience.

Caller: I can't believe you're really making me to do this.

How about you go on the air 3 A.M. This morning,

You fucking waltz in here,

Listened to your show last night. It was great.

Boy, what a loser you are.

I'll sue your ass!

on a regular basis.

Now, if you wanted to buy liver for dinner,

It's good to fire someone. It gives a good message to the others.

Tell me about the secret world of lesbian sex.

Howard: And then what happens?

[Helicopter Flying Sound Effect]

I think that's a no-no.

You know, we have the most beautiful audience.

Go to the... supermarket?

# No such luck #

and, Donna, I don't know if you know this,

# The thief, he kindly spoke #

The Duke of rock's just finishing up,

If you can't be good, be bad, baby.

No, sir, I'm not an idiot.