Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

Look, I don't know that I can do this.

Ohh. Thank you.

Now, I'm gonna teach you how to say them, all right?

Look what I'm doing.

CUOMO, GET THE FUCK OUT!!

People are looking at us.

- That motherfuckin'... - [Siren] - [Jackhammer]

They have a lot on their mind.

But who cared? I mean, it was exciting.

Caller: Yes, I do.

- Oh. - In fact, my wife's eggs are very old.

Deep, Calm Voice: This is Sunday Blues And Jazz,

Fuck you 1,000 percent!

Well, for this movie, you gotta suspend disbelief.

No. A lot of times, I'm just holding back.

and your mother will be so happy.

I'm sure she doesn't have any of these sexual problems.

Jesus Christ, who I love so much,

I got to go. See you at midnight tonight.

Tell you what. I'm gonna take you down to lmus' office right now,

Why don't you come lay over here and get comfortable?

Here. [Passes Gas]

Robin: Oh, I have to ask her a question.

Why would I have to go?

# Said the joker to the thief #

# To the song they're playing on the radio... #

But my life isn't bad at all.

# But you and I, we've been through that #

I mean, he's probably in a prison cell right now enjoying himself.

# Can't stay pretty 'cause it's just no fun #

There's a buzz on the street about it.

isn't that somethin'?

You know, life is very strange.

Cock-a-doodle-doo.

OK, thanks. Thank you.

Howard: Hartford ended up being OK, you know.

you be a man and fire him.

I'm just trying to get ratings.

And maybe it's 'cause I went to college,

and welcome to the new morning show.

I brought him down...

Very simple. I've thought this through, Robin.

What are you talking about?

I was in the program director's office.

Let's go say hi to Mommy. Come on.

I think you're a pioneer.

You have to respect that.

Would you like to go out Friday night?

You mommies and daddies out there who complained to the radio station,

We'll be back right after these words.

because my penis never got any bigger.

That goddamn motherfucker, you know?

Through the roof.

Not really. We don't have to tell your parents.

If you leave your underwear on, then you can't cheat.

I mean, things really started to take off.

by the Federal Communications Commission,

Give us some more weather.

I mean, think about it.

with, you know, millions of listeners, it's...

I'm proud to say.

You're not going to get bashful on me now, are you, Howard?

I don't need everything in my life to be normal.

We destroyed every other station in the market.

Now the baby is with me!

I think she's running a bath.

# I'll take you there #

Now, Brett, what did you have for us? Blank willow.

is the fate of all true geniuses, is it not?

I think I pulled a muscle in my rib cage.

I'm half negro, and Howard's half negro.

It is W N BC, W N BC,"

# Take my tears and... #

Howard: Forget that. Just repeat after me, Ross.

- And you're practically a virgin, right? - [Telephone Buzzing]

# A hit on TV #

It's 6:45. Temperature is, uh, 58 degrees.

Pay $96 a week and don't bring me your problems.

Center hall plan, very traditional.

to buy Stern's contract out.

We're off the air.

# Businessmen, they'll #

Joe… You are the motherfucking Antichrist

in the history of entertainment. I'm not kidding.

Good. I'm sorry. I know I told you I'd do this,

Excuse me. I didn't mean to interrupt.

Oh, I bet Kenny has.

It's the look of misunderstanding.

Imus: You are interrupting me.

I'm sorry. We're showing a full load.

You and I both work for NBC.

OK? And I understand you're a somewhat abnormal person

Robin, as a woman, what is it?

Dad and son together.

Oh, did I miss you!

What'd you take the show off the air for, Pig Vomit? Huh?

is perfect donkey asshole!

And chickens, I don't think so.

- No. - No, I'm serious.

Howard In Living Room: I look like Hitler.

- You know, I... - Come on.

You know what it is? It's those yentas you hang around with.

Pleasure to make your acquaintance this morning, Mama.

Oh, oh, that's nice. No one's ever touched me like this before.

Robin: Yeah. Everybody can hear.

you mean practice in here now?

Howard comes to Hartford to become the wacky morning man

That's why you hired me.

Yeah, hi. Can I speak to Kenny?

Th-th-th-there won't even be any sequel!

- It'll be pleasant today. Rain tomorrow. - [Baby Crying]

the man's immature, you know?

That was great.

I could see that.

You don't look like Babar. You look gorgeous.

# Ooh-ooh-ooh dee dee... #

In my, um, psychology class, we're studying B.F. Skinner,

I want you to say "Howard goes to Hartford

Howard... here's your ticket.

Mmm. Give me a kiss. Mmm!

If the place is driving you crazy, don't go there.

I'd still be up there in radio.

# I can't sing #

I'm Howard Stern with you each and every day,

- OK. - Thanks.

who cut the brakes on the car.

I don't... I don't need anyone else in my life.

She's gonna get naked?

I didn't know if she'd ever come back to me,

Hold on. We have a real problem here.

the very beautiful, multitalented...

- WNBC, please hold. - WNBC, please hold.

And at this point, I knew I was gonna score.

OK. What's, uh, like, what's the problem?

I just want you to forgive me.

You listen to me, you stupid asshole.

Come on. We're getting wet.

You're gonna be totally confident that everything's going good

Ah, what the hell do you know, you bastard?

that our new sponsor Stanley Sport,

I think we should separate them.

I know this director,

And y-y-you'd figure Howard would pay me back by putting me in his movie!

Uh, I don't think you can say "big cock" on the radio.

that you feel the same way.

My name is Howard Stern. I'm the new morning man on CCC.

or I'll make him so crazy...

And don't sing along with the music.

Would you mind taking me back to my hotel room?

First of all, I want to introduce all of you

which I think is good, too... You know, pump money into the facility.

You understand me? Ha ha!

You're gonna let 'em throw me out like garbage?

I even got you an office. You're all set.

Here we are. Let's go over to our Dick Nixon,

I'm on the air 5 hours a day. I'm trying to come up with material.

They said pretty soon, Roosevelt's going to be nothing but niggers.