Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

Robin: Oh, I have to ask her a question.

Here. [Passes Gas]

Not really. We don't have to tell your parents.

or I'll make him so crazy...

You and I both work for NBC.

Tell you what. I'm gonna take you down to lmus' office right now,

which I think is good, too... You know, pump money into the facility.

Ah, what the hell do you know, you bastard?

in the history of entertainment. I'm not kidding.

I'm on the air 5 hours a day. I'm trying to come up with material.

Look what I'm doing.

that you feel the same way.

I was in the program director's office.

I even got you an office. You're all set.

OK, thanks. Thank you.

# I'll take you there #

And maybe it's 'cause I went to college,

Give us some more weather.

I want you to say "Howard goes to Hartford

There's a buzz on the street about it.

What are you talking about?

Howard comes to Hartford to become the wacky morning man

I know this director,

# To the song they're playing on the radio... #

Why would I have to go?

That goddamn motherfucker, you know?

And y-y-you'd figure Howard would pay me back by putting me in his movie!

Would you like to go out Friday night?

Caller: Yes, I do.

# But you and I, we've been through that #

You're gonna be totally confident that everything's going good

- It'll be pleasant today. Rain tomorrow. - [Baby Crying]

Howard... here's your ticket.

Howard: Forget that. Just repeat after me, Ross.

You don't look like Babar. You look gorgeous.

with, you know, millions of listeners, it's...

# Said the joker to the thief #

I think you're a pioneer.

No. A lot of times, I'm just holding back.

OK. What's, uh, like, what's the problem?

I mean, he's probably in a prison cell right now enjoying himself.

Howard: Hartford ended up being OK, you know.

# Can't stay pretty 'cause it's just no fun #

Hold on. We have a real problem here.

Look, I don't know that I can do this.

Ohh. Thank you.

I got to go. See you at midnight tonight.

We're off the air.

the man's immature, you know?

Good. I'm sorry. I know I told you I'd do this,

Center hall plan, very traditional.

Imus: You are interrupting me.

I'm just trying to get ratings.

I mean, think about it.

It's 6:45. Temperature is, uh, 58 degrees.

Why don't you come lay over here and get comfortable?

you be a man and fire him.

Robin, as a woman, what is it?

And don't sing along with the music.

and your mother will be so happy.

and welcome to the new morning show.

is perfect donkey asshole!

Pleasure to make your acquaintance this morning, Mama.

that our new sponsor Stanley Sport,

is the fate of all true geniuses, is it not?

- And you're practically a virgin, right? - [Telephone Buzzing]

Now, I'm gonna teach you how to say them, all right?

Robin: Yeah. Everybody can hear.

Oh, did I miss you!

Howard In Living Room: I look like Hitler.

Here we are. Let's go over to our Dick Nixon,

- No. - No, I'm serious.

# Businessmen, they'll #

Joe… You are the motherfucking Antichrist

- OK. - Thanks.

I don't need everything in my life to be normal.

You listen to me, you stupid asshole.

Jesus Christ, who I love so much,

You're not going to get bashful on me now, are you, Howard?

My name is Howard Stern. I'm the new morning man on CCC.

What'd you take the show off the air for, Pig Vomit? Huh?

Deep, Calm Voice: This is Sunday Blues And Jazz,

If the place is driving you crazy, don't go there.

I think she's running a bath.

Oh, I bet Kenny has.

I brought him down...

We'll be back right after these words.

But my life isn't bad at all.

Well, for this movie, you gotta suspend disbelief.

I didn't know if she'd ever come back to me,

They said pretty soon, Roosevelt's going to be nothing but niggers.

Oh, oh, that's nice. No one's ever touched me like this before.

You mommies and daddies out there who complained to the radio station,

And chickens, I don't think so.

I'm proud to say.

- Oh. - In fact, my wife's eggs are very old.

I don't... I don't need anyone else in my life.

If you leave your underwear on, then you can't cheat.

Excuse me. I didn't mean to interrupt.

the very beautiful, multitalented...

It is W N BC, W N BC,"

- WNBC, please hold. - WNBC, please hold.

In my, um, psychology class, we're studying B.F. Skinner,

Th-th-th-there won't even be any sequel!

I'd still be up there in radio.

I'm Howard Stern with you each and every day,

I'm half negro, and Howard's half negro.

# Ooh-ooh-ooh dee dee... #

I could see that.

# Take my tears and... #

I think I pulled a muscle in my rib cage.

It's the look of misunderstanding.

Now the baby is with me!

CUOMO, GET THE FUCK OUT!!

I mean, things really started to take off.

to buy Stern's contract out.

And at this point, I knew I was gonna score.

I just want you to forgive me.

Yeah, hi. Can I speak to Kenny?

Uh, I don't think you can say "big cock" on the radio.

Now, Brett, what did you have for us? Blank willow.

Fuck you 1,000 percent!

You understand me? Ha ha!

You know, life is very strange.

Let's go say hi to Mommy. Come on.

Very simple. I've thought this through, Robin.

First of all, I want to introduce all of you

That was great.

- That motherfuckin'... - [Siren] - [Jackhammer]

Mmm. Give me a kiss. Mmm!

who cut the brakes on the car.

- You know, I... - Come on.

isn't that somethin'?

# I can't sing #

Would you mind taking me back to my hotel room?

because my penis never got any bigger.

by the Federal Communications Commission,

People are looking at us.

You know what it is? It's those yentas you hang around with.

# A hit on TV #

Come on. We're getting wet.

Dad and son together.

That's why you hired me.

I'm sorry. We're showing a full load.

We destroyed every other station in the market.

OK? And I understand you're a somewhat abnormal person

You're gonna let 'em throw me out like garbage?

Cock-a-doodle-doo.

Through the roof.

Pay $96 a week and don't bring me your problems.

She's gonna get naked?

You have to respect that.

I think we should separate them.

But who cared? I mean, it was exciting.

I'm sure she doesn't have any of these sexual problems.

They have a lot on their mind.

you mean practice in here now?