Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

What can I do to help here?

You ever do that again, I'll kill you.

How do you get along with the folks here?

Uh, everyone was asleep,

Howard: Take your speaker... You got a big speaker?

And Alison, well, she got a job right away.

So, we were on our way to a rally in support of feminism,

jumped to the top of the ratings today,

That's my kid up there.

Record: # Stop it now... #

All right, if I could have some music now.

This is it. This is everything I want.

As soon as they get him on,

And the winner is...

I mean, a gorgeous woman,

Records... Who gives a damn?

Gene, I have cock, and I wrote it big.

The audience loved that stuff.

But why can't I play with my puppets?

Shut up! Sit down!

Who knows? I don't know. Massage, schmas.

- Hi. - Wait, wait. There we go.

You enjoying the experience?

I couldn't be happier. Everything is fine.

See? It tingles. She likes it.

I reject that on principle.

This is so exciting...

# Biddi-biddi-biddi #

Shvartzes are niggers, idiot.

No, because I love Alison.

Oh, yeah. Your sperm are fine.

Oh, I can't do that.

Well, what do you think?

I should have just come home

making him number one in greater Washington.

You think that'll work?

You're a moron. Now shut up and sit still.

Howard! Howard!

how about I make you...

But don't make fun of the Chinese people.

I gave the script to Fred.

Oh, my God, Robin.

# No reason to get excited #

Yes. You know about this?

I think a lot of us were moved last night.

[Howard Humming]

You're a moron. Now shut up and sit still.

and then Robin will analyze me when we get back from this song.

Howard: Little by little,

Oh, well, we are, sir.

That's the kind of thinking, though,

Let me ride herd on him,

10 a.m. To 2 p. M, eh?

Howard: Look, I refused to leave the room

Yes, honey... Uh-oh, Al? I think she's gone.

[Cough] Blecch!

A year, ladies and gentlemen.

And I said to my wife, "Honey, don't be upset

Julie says we're blessed, honey,

if given the opportunity to...

so I have a sloppy pussy.

I'll tell you, these halls are, like,

See, he doesn't actually say the bad thing himself.

I know you're very, very proud

The reason I'm calling is because your husband

OK. The treble's down, and the bass is up.

Down here. Down here. Down here.

While we were producing this report,

[Ghostly Groaning]

Joe's gotta message for Trump Donald get the fuck out

Just, you know, trying.

Hey, seriously, these guys had rhinoceros penises... huge.

Yes, you do, you big idiot scumbag.

Howard's Voice: Save me.

You're serious?

Robin: Hit him back.

Wait a minute. Does she know what she's gonna have?

Uh, I manage a shopping mall

Yeah. That's why we're here, man.

[Lmitating Voice] Hello, everybody. Hello.

The only thing on my mind, Gene,

program director?

Kenny, we're one of the biggest radio stations in America.

All right, here we go.

The problem is that when I needed you,

And now... something for a blue Sunday.

but I got a wife at home. I can't cheat on my wife.

Robin: Congratulations, Howard.

What are you sleeping in?

Uh, I play golf several times a week, you know?

No, Ma. There's no smoke in here.

This afternoon... Gray skies,

I hold you and this station personally responsible.

I swallowed. Oh, my God.

Start again. Here we go.

107 FM, AM 1290, WCCC. Good morning.

to introduce to all of you a very special man.

and if you love music, you'll love Deep Purple on TBU.

Look at these gams.

It's the single worst moment in radio history.

Yes, because he looks like a pig,

Turns you on, doesn't it, you little maggot?

Oh. Oh, I'm really looking forward to working with you.

This is a good one. It's a good mystery guest.

but it's clear that she's totally disgusted by me.

Now, uh, Howard, you know, uh...

to the listener with the largest bowel movement.

I told you, we're gonna build a new building.

[Doorbell Buzzes]

I mean, we were gonna have our first child,

All right, I don't want to put you under too much pressure.

It's a plane...

To be quite honest, I didn't really want to be a programmer.

Alison's one of my roommates.

Howard. How you doing, man?

No, that's not a seizure. That's me dancing

So I'm out there counting all the bodies.

and I just went for it.

OK there, Mr. Rushton,

I mean, I think he really liked me.

How did Howard Stern get outside my fucking office?

[Together] W N BC.

Hey, Pig Vomit.

We can't just not do the news.

unconventional disc jockey Howard Stern

I don't think we should be talking about this.

You did not have permission to do that bit.

I mean, I never saw the guy.

Thanks... Thanks... Thank you.

Are you ready to have sex?

Will everyone just sit down?

So I can't say "big cock,"

You just swallowed.

You're goddamn right she's never gonna do it again. You're fired.

I was the happiest program director in the world.

or the wires get screwed up.

You won't... You're not gonna be naked or anything.

Let's go over to Miss Brett Somers right now.

Caller: How are we gonna do that?

but I took a polaroid of the toilet.

but I've really changed my mind.

Let me soak you in.

Hair dryer's in the bathroom.