Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

I've been single for exactly 6 hours.

- Howard! - Caller: Do what?

Kinda lift, that N BC.

and we should go somewhere else.

None of it means anything. It's empty...

You know, I think... I don't know.

who was murdered 2 years ago today. Lennon's killer...

I got some music for you now at DC 101.

I know someone on this block. Let me think.

When he shares our most personal details of our life together

Both: Oh, no! It's Lucy!

# I make money talking about the joke in my underpants #

I have a theory that he is the one

# Gonna use my arms, gonna use my legs... #

Well, I'm not really married anymore.

[Gravelly Voice] Hi, Gene.

because I know you feel the same exact way I do about NBC

Now it's gonna get a little rougher, OK?

I don't know what I was in, Robin,

Lookin' forward to working with you.

# I can't dance #

We hope to hear from you tomorrow...

So I grab one of my grenades off my belt,

and I'll rub your shoulders from back here.

Just about the time my puppet career ended,

I'm so tahitzed.

You and Robin must not talk to each other on the air.

Your husband's quite a character.

and I never drove a truck

It'll never happen again, Kenny.

if Howard would have listened to me,

Having trouble with your woman?

swallow an entire 13- inch kielbasa?

I ain't done too badly myself.

"When attempting to score with a babe,

and occasionally you are real funny,

Howard: I'm just thinking for a minute.

I think Howard would appreciate it if you would do it for us.

I'm about 3 days away from being fired, the way I figure it.

We got some great tunes for you this morning,

But you are a great programmer. Here, payday.

I'm gonna grab this guy's hat,

[Caller Moans, Howard Hums]

That's great news. Thanks, Kenny. I gotta go.

Betty Jean, hi. It's Howard Stern,

talking about me, Howard Stern.

Well, I'm glad you asked me that.

3 seconds, I'd be finished.

Was my voice too deep doing that?

That was interesting.

Don't you want to know, Robin?

No. Sit behind me in the tub.

I'm begging you.

so that I'll know on which day you'll be doing which bit.

Well, anyway, she's dead.

I don't understand them at all.

First we got to build an audience. Heh.

My program director Pig Vomit

down in Florence, Alabama.

and she sees me looking at her.

We never played catch or went to ball games.

show us some characters. OK?

The entire kielbasa is going down.

You've gotta listen to Imus.

and I stayed on the air, and I made a lot less money?

This Disney/Spectrum dispute

Reporter: What you're about to hear is going to shock you

you got to put this hand up, OK?

Yeah, she just said pussy.

In my mind, I'm hearing...

Howard, it was a home run.

[Game Show Music Plays]

Still be doing radio, you know.

So either way, we win.

Should I trade half my money for 10 times as much sex?

My girlfriends think i'm crazy for letting you behave like that on the air.

You have to have some verbal ability.

require my personal approval.

You're not going to get bashful on me now, are you?

and it's number 4 in the state,

Oh, yeah. Please.

Ooh. [Clears Throat]

Robin, it's everybody's salary on his desk.

Good, but don't answer it.

Do you want to tell us about that?

Moti: Tell Dickie Davis Howard wants to see him now.

Robert DeNiro...

We are a team, for God's sakes.

He'd leave at 7:00 in the morning, get home around midnight or something.

Let me tell you something...

We're gonna take a break. We'll get back to making out with the lesbians

- Excuse me. - Yes?

No, I was... quite comfortable.

Hey fuck you who wants rest of your popcorn

Let's play our game now, OK? Shall we?

Oh, you were so young.

I can't talk right now.

This is the Duke of rock saying,

The young man from Washington that we...

Howard, seriously, come on.

Give that to me.

Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

You know what I like about you?

Alison, if I don't talk about you and me on the air...

Immediately disconnect Stern's microphone,

I'm just going to go dry my hair.

I've been smacked around by Morton Downey,

$150,000 a year.

Sans panties, sans bra.

and you're licking whipped cream off a kielbasa,

all the way down your throat.

You have a transistor radio, or you have one of those big sound systems?

Howard: I got to tell you, with all this carrying on,

where he would give a new toilet

# Howard Stern, WNBC #

It would be amazing.

his mother killed his sister,

Keep it moving!

I can't even walk in and get my hair done

Everything I do is misunderstood.

So bad. So horrible.

It's great to meet you.

And the station manager says we are gonna be

When I'm through whipping him,

Now let me say something.

And then you look at him, and he's in the formaldehyde jar.

Yes, honey, of course you're on the air.

They're trying to break us apart. They're trying to beat us.

that usually gets me into trouble.

He makes us sound like a bunch of idiots on the radio.

that Howard Jr.'s in a formaldehyde jar.

What the hell do you think you're doing?

Now, why is that?

They thought I knew what I was doing. This was great.

How about that?

Howard, how about you have a seat?

Ross Buckingham.

I bear no grudge against Howard Stern.

OK, you start tomorrow.

because nobody knew who I was.

He's Pig Vomit.

She doesn't even know me,

Quit? If I quit, they win.

Hi. You know who I am? Yeah, I'm Stuttering John.

I don't want to fire him. You fire him.

# I'll take you there #

I had 11 kills in Vietnam,

Irene, thank you for the weather forecast.

She had nothing to do with the bit.

The grand opening is this...

Thanks for nothing. Gino, let the donkey go.

I tried every fucking thing I could fucking think of

our own ex-president. What do you got there, Dick?

Yeah. What happened?

You know, unless he quits,

We would have sex, like, 10 times a day. You would love it.

Dee Dee, I don't believe it.

maybe I should just say it, just blurt it out, you know?