Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

l've never smoked.

Dream the dream

just give us a shout downstairs if there's anything you two fancy.

when I was a teenager in Nairobi,

If I lose my patience

Oh, you still not up? Guess who's come to see you.

None of our boys are in any of the football leagues.

I have to treat you the same as everyone else.

Don't smile! lndian bride never smiles.

Nah. No, he'd get sacked if he was caught shagging one of his players.

You haven't seen any of it, have ya?

I can't live without it

I couldn't understand what that Εnglish woman was saying?

And I don't fancy being busted by your dad again. You'd better get back.

But, Dad, the 25th...

Three players coming behind you the whole time, hunting you!

- Jess, that's brilliant! - Yeah, nice one, Jess.

I thought I had a bad one on my knee but yours is gorgeous.

- You're all bloody mad! - Jesminder, don't use those swearing words.

Anyone can cook aloo gobi, but who can bend a ball like Beckham?

- Give yourself three cheers. Ηip, hip! - Ηooray!

- She's got it. - Got it!

John, have Εngland found the player to relive their World Cup glory from '66 ?

paki but im indian

I only had a couple of wines.

"Do Something With Your Hair, Put Make-Up On, You'd Look All Right."

- Find out which date the hall is free. - I'll do that.

- They're due for a good stuffing. - Absolutely.

You're part of a tradition now.

Violent conduct towards another player.

- Mum! - Paula, please.

- Oh, I dunno. - You can't keep lying. You're too good.

even these mosquito bites will look like juicy, juicy mangoes!

He's really taking responsibility every time they have possession

I love that picture. lt was taken just after we beat Millwall last year.

I mean, I never bunked off school like Pinky or Bubbly.

Ηussein's a Muslim name, their families are different.

At least l've taught her full lndian dinner. The rest is up to God.

Thanks, Dad! Mum!

Pinky will meet someone new

- Oh, he's not my boyfriend. - No, I'm not her boyfriend.

and I really want to go,

Well, we're joined in the studio now by Jess's mother, Mrs Bhamra.

- Nothing as serious as this. - This, serious?

Can I not wear my tracksuit bottoms?

Joe, our coach! Joe, man, Joe!

I really like that lace Lycra one. Uh-oh, there's your mate.

There was, like, junior boys' stuff, but when he busted his knee,

I feel like I'm either going to let the team down or really piss them off,

Bitch! Just cos she's still a V, man, she thinks she's better than us, innit?

The posh French mustard is the defender.

- But, Dad! - No! This is where you spoil her!

Make sure you keep this by your bed all the time, huh?

- Jules, take care of yourself. - Ah, see you later, mate.

Look at her arse!

What, you mean...?

Mum, she's back.

'Scuse me. That suit...

Down one-nil. Come on!

You haven't left everything to the last minute?

see you slags later

Yeah, yeah. I'm a right sob story, aren't l?

You blow 'em up, just like a Lilo.

Tuck it in. Tuck it in. Tuck it in.

Look at that kick!

I can't. it's the same day as my sister's wedding.

Oh, Mum, do I have to go shopping again?

- She was crying. - Our Τeetu also.

Nah, it just looks awful.

- What the bloody hell were you thinking?! - Juliette, I saw you with my own eyes!

- Ηow did it feel out there? - Brilliant. Really, really great.

l've got to go, Mum, someone's coming. I'll see you later. Bye.

Jessie, my darling.

I don't ever want to see anything like that from you ever again!

Oh no, sweetheart, not the sports bras.

- Aren't they? Pretty girl like you. - Mum! Stop embarrassing yourself!

lt doesn't matter how long it takes

What is wrong with you, Jess?

Get those legs up!

Your dad can't be as mad as her.

- but now it's... - Now what?

lndian girls aren't supposed to play football.