Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

Jessie, my darling.

l've never smoked.

'Scuse me. That suit...

- She was crying. - Our Τeetu also.

Anyone can cook aloo gobi, but who can bend a ball like Beckham?

Mum, she's back.

Look at her arse!

You haven't left everything to the last minute?

"Do Something With Your Hair, Put Make-Up On, You'd Look All Right."

I mean, I never bunked off school like Pinky or Bubbly.

I only had a couple of wines.

and I really want to go,

paki but im indian

Bitch! Just cos she's still a V, man, she thinks she's better than us, innit?

And I don't fancy being busted by your dad again. You'd better get back.

Oh, you still not up? Guess who's come to see you.

Nah, it just looks awful.

You haven't seen any of it, have ya?

I thought I had a bad one on my knee but yours is gorgeous.

You blow 'em up, just like a Lilo.

John, have Εngland found the player to relive their World Cup glory from '66 ?

- They're due for a good stuffing. - Absolutely.

What is wrong with you, Jess?

I couldn't understand what that Εnglish woman was saying?

Can I not wear my tracksuit bottoms?

He's really taking responsibility every time they have possession

There was, like, junior boys' stuff, but when he busted his knee,

Ηussein's a Muslim name, their families are different.

Nah. No, he'd get sacked if he was caught shagging one of his players.

Joe, our coach! Joe, man, Joe!

l've got to go, Mum, someone's coming. I'll see you later. Bye.

Well, we're joined in the studio now by Jess's mother, Mrs Bhamra.

Yeah, yeah. I'm a right sob story, aren't l?

Dream the dream

I can't. it's the same day as my sister's wedding.

You're part of a tradition now.

I can't live without it

- Find out which date the hall is free. - I'll do that.

- Nothing as serious as this. - This, serious?

I don't ever want to see anything like that from you ever again!

- Mum! - Paula, please.

What, you mean...?

I really like that lace Lycra one. Uh-oh, there's your mate.

Your dad can't be as mad as her.

- She's got it. - Got it!

The posh French mustard is the defender.

- Aren't they? Pretty girl like you. - Mum! Stop embarrassing yourself!

see you slags later

- Ηow did it feel out there? - Brilliant. Really, really great.

Make sure you keep this by your bed all the time, huh?

- Oh, he's not my boyfriend. - No, I'm not her boyfriend.

Look at that kick!

I feel like I'm either going to let the team down or really piss them off,

- Give yourself three cheers. Ηip, hip! - Ηooray!

lndian girls aren't supposed to play football.

- Oh, I dunno. - You can't keep lying. You're too good.

just give us a shout downstairs if there's anything you two fancy.

I love that picture. lt was taken just after we beat Millwall last year.

even these mosquito bites will look like juicy, juicy mangoes!

Three players coming behind you the whole time, hunting you!

At least l've taught her full lndian dinner. The rest is up to God.

lt doesn't matter how long it takes

- Jules, take care of yourself. - Ah, see you later, mate.

when I was a teenager in Nairobi,

- You're all bloody mad! - Jesminder, don't use those swearing words.

- but now it's... - Now what?

Get those legs up!

- Jess, that's brilliant! - Yeah, nice one, Jess.

Tuck it in. Tuck it in. Tuck it in.

Don't smile! lndian bride never smiles.

- What the bloody hell were you thinking?! - Juliette, I saw you with my own eyes!

Violent conduct towards another player.

- But, Dad! - No! This is where you spoil her!

Thanks, Dad! Mum!

Down one-nil. Come on!

Pinky will meet someone new

I have to treat you the same as everyone else.

If I lose my patience

None of our boys are in any of the football leagues.

Oh no, sweetheart, not the sports bras.

Oh, Mum, do I have to go shopping again?

But, Dad, the 25th...