Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

I always wanted to go on a movie set.

There's no exit except down the main staircase.

What are the schlongs like on Broadway? You want some?

Ina's mom always said,

Just one more drink for old time's sake.

You chickenshit...

Fine. Get the wrangler.

For the 2709. I can do that. Thirty minutes.

[Robert] Here we go.

Bob, come on! Bob! I'm gonna cut you up!

And camera! And sound!

[water running]

It's probably the ether. It's...

[George] That's true.

and then you head to the phone, do the rest of the dialogue.

Every fucking casting director in the city told me

I know it hurts.

[sighs] Stupid...

Yes, sir. You got a permit?

No, it's not fun. Yes, it is.

Teddy and I saw Cottage Blues last week.

Uh, Spain. Madrid.

Claire. Well, Claire's a lesbian.

Well, the girl seems nice.

Exactly! This is how we make the money back.

Scene 17, take six. Mark.

[Jack] This is what we've been looking for!

Marion Davies stutters a bit. Maybe supporting roles from now on?

I thought they were in Mexico.

as your humble servant bears witness

Up. Up. Up. Up. Up. Up.

I'm not... I'm just gonna...

We're still having a problem with the firing mechanism.

Someone said Garbo, I think. Oh, yeah?

there's a 10-year-old kid and he's a prodigy at all these adult things.

How's the guest list looking for tonight?

[stomach gurgling]

Yeah, it's only one, right?

Gloria? Jack Conrad. Listen, I need some advice.

[slow jazz playing]

He's supersmart with words.

Spain. Madrid. Wow.

It's only 2:00. Don wanted to save the elephant.

Well, I'd like to work with you too.

That's right. Sounds like the best party in town.

Well, put the kid on it.

So, we give him the bag, he calls McKay, and the threat against Nellie is off.

Imagine me at the opera? That would've made Ina's folks happy.

What's he telling you? What was he saying to you?

[audience cheering]

Hiya. I'm Nellie LaRoy.

have him ask her name and have her reply,

Oh, okay. Yeah, sure, I mean, if you have half an hour to spare.

Hey, Count? Count? [snaps fingers]

You fucking whore! I love you.

[laughing continues]

Cut! [bell rings]

[cheering, chanting continue]

She'll do it for cheap.

It was incredible! I just... How do you do it?

Because I know that you've been trying to get my career going.

Now go over, put it in the pot. Scream like a big, fat pig.

You've been given a gift. Be grateful.

Like the ladies of MGM.

And all I do is I give and I give! Pedro!

Would you like me to tell you?

Nell, why don't we just... Is it okay...

I love you, Manny.

Hear what I said? Yeah, I heard.

There is no why.

We'd better hurry.

Listen, I'm not asking you to fuck him.

[guest 2] I'm not surprised. She never had any talent anyway.

Manny, you're scaring me. I need another hit.

and feel he knows you, like... like a friend,

We've got an eight-part sign-out process. Let me go try to find a pen.

Suck a dick, Señor Avocado.

I meant to call you. The reds chill her out.

[elephant trumpeting] [all clamoring]

You're still the kid I met 20 years ago, you know.

Hey, Josie! Hey, Nana!

[tires screeching]

[gears grinding]

Ah, people want the kiss, we give them the kiss. [cork pops]

Okay, everyone, a reminder.

Why would I do that if you won't be able to use it? You told me to do it quiet.

[door opens] [car horn honks]

[engine off] [Manny] Do you need anything?

All right, places, everyone!

Up. Up. Rest of the body doesn't move.

this time with the Hungarian vixen, Olga Putti.

Joe, you hear what he just said to me? Listen to this psychopath.

I can move it right now. My whole year is wide open.

Jack, do something!

We were just having fun! [sobbing]

Find it on that horizon. Yeah.

Nellie! [all gasping]

for your pretentious Eugene O'Neill-Henrik Ibsen jerk-offs

It's closed. I know it's closed!

Teachers told me I was no good. Boys told me I was no good.

Just next time say, "The Count."

[crying, speaking Spanish]

Tony. The prop guy.

Camera boy! The camera boy! You saved my movie!

Camera! Camera! Yeah.

[sobbing] Please be nice to me, Manny.

Fine. Close-up on Constance.

Uh-huh. How'd you like to leave MGM,

Nellie, we have to leave now!

you sick fucks!

[The Count] Hey. [Manny] Hi.

And she has no idea it'll end like all the others.

Let's do a title here.

One drink and we leave. Right after this we leave.

Nellie, we did it, okay?

You're trying to bury the pain.

You'll never forget it.

How many movies have we done together now?

You know I can't afford to get injured, Joe.

Yes, she is lovely and very talented.

Stop! [pats window]

Is she here tonight? Can you point her out to me? Uh...

And that's Noah's Ark?

You could be a star again, Nellie. Again. It's you and me.

No. No, no, no, no. No. No, no.

when they can't see there's so much more to be done!

It is truly an honor to meet you.

[crew member] And camera! [camera clattering]

I'm at peace with that.

Exactly! Exactly! You can be in their life.

You ever been on a movie set before?

you know what the signs on all the doors read?

Hurry the fuck up!

I hate when people put fucking toppings on ice cream.

[sniffles, speaking Spanish]

It's you who gives me life.

He saved my life.

A few minutes' drive. Wilson and I can take you there and back.

My camera's here! My camera's here!

Yeah. I just have one question.

Come on. Okay, no problemo.

It's 25 for the vehicle and 30 for the transport of the livestock.

No, 18th. Thursdays are always classier.

[elephant groaning]