Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

Because Claire wanted a baby.

"Cock-suck away his sadness."

Oh, God, of course you do.

Yeah, I'm ready to help. Just tell me what to do.

Charlotte, put that down.

You guys talk to each other like that all the time.

then I'm gonna have to take away your phone and your computer.

That's great! Yes.

Mom, I can't be late for school. I have a test.

That's loud. Every eight minutes, buddy.

I'm very close.

and I would not know what the object was.

And I feel bad for the kid.

Fuck off, Jill. God, everybody fucking hates you.

Stop eating dot cakes!! Stop eating dot cakes!!!

I would enjoy our last few months together. Me too.

You're never, ever in the moment.

I don't think anyone is looking for handouts. I mean, you know...

Thank you. The girls are so excited you're here.

Oh, yeah. I've been growing it.

It was better. It takes some of the pressure off.

There's not much I can do.

I know, I know. PETE: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

Which is so odd because your children are Jewish.

He's doing sad, lonely eyes to get the next lady.

I think I might have an anal fissure, or a hemorrhoid, or a worm or something.

All right, I'm off.

How did that happen?

was Graham Parker.

Hello. Hello, Debbie.

(CHUCKLES) What a mess.

I know, I am a dick sometimes.

You don't get it. See, you don't understand how it works.

That's what everybody did. You did some blow, had sex, had an abortion.

How wonderful to see you.

Look, I saw you have two babies, okay?

I don't think so. It's wheat.

It’s my birthday

They love widowers. It's like the polar opposite of divorced guys.

Listen, Charlotte really needs to get here on time

Please don't put a pillow over my face.

No. What he said to me was... He called me an iCunt.

I hope I never get my period if this is what happens.

No, no. It's not what I mean. I'm just...

ACCOUNTANT: (ON PHONE) And then you missed the mortgage payment,

I like it, and I think Graham Parker's sexy.

I'm faster than you!

It's just not our way. We don't talk to each other.

I thought you said smokers die.

And the other thing is your dad's stuff,

Could you see it in your heart to lend me some money?

I think she might be stealing.

He's coming, he's coming. Oreo Man is coming.

I would. Kill myself.

Why don't you go on the table?

Ah. So, you were expecting it to sell?

I don't wanna hang out with her when I'm in my 20s.

A lot of people are RSVP-ing to your birthday party.

You're no fun. You never want to play.

Lately, my penis hasn't been getting as hard as it used to, all right?

Oh, my God. Oh, my gosh.

These might be my very last words.

Stop crying like a baby Stop crying like a baby

That's good news.

You have never been nice to her

Turn around, turn around, turn around!

I mean, if you want.

I know everything. I talked to the accountant.

Do you know why we're missing money at the store?

It's nice to see you in class. We'd like to see more of you.

But I'm gonna start with you, Jill.

I wish my fucking foot would go right through your skull.

Who wants to be killed? I do!

In fact, if you insult my wife again, you know what I'm gonna do?

I mean, there's no way I could. Why?

If she goes to work, then I gotta hire somebody!

Is that what you want me to say? You happy?

That is so insane, it kind of makes sense.

All the pressure is on the guy.

Close the door.

Really, Jill? Do you think it is?

That was deeply uncomfortable.

I don't want him to think I like him that much.

PETE: Don't be such a ball-buster.

He doesn't seem happy.

Right, right. I mean, we're both so busy.

I'm going to have to cut back.

Who's Tom Petty? You know who Tom Petty is.

It is. You're right.

Sadie, the one you chat with on the Internet.

My boobs? Yeah.

I'm sick of everybody fighting.

Ready to just choose joy and forgive everybody.

We have everything we need right now to be completely happy.

We were on the way to the doctor's office.

Oh. Pete wouldn't know what to do with that.

It's not melting my brain, it's blowing my mind.

You have responsibilities? Don't talk to me about responsibilities.

Do you mean that in a good way?

DEBBIE: Why did you put that guy's teeth in your mouth?

You know, I actually made this one myself.

No, Debbie's not really into selling the house.

It was like being in fucking Weekend at Graham's.

I'm sure Oliver would agree. Well...

And this is what people buy.

Yeah. Should we get a block of porn?

A couple numbers have trickled in.

(SINGING ALONG)

That's nice. Come on in. Sure.

No! No, they're Barb's.

That's why your body looks like your body

And, you know, you're only here for five more years.

Hey. Oh, hi, Pete.

Actually, we had lunch together last week. Uh-huh.

Bye, Graham. See you later, Graham.

I'm sorry about the record.

I was there. I'm the one who took your mother to the hospital.

You think that haircut's cool? It's not.

Sex is the number one thing people fight about.

This is what happens when you corner a rat.

This place can be quiet.

Did you say that?

You need to cancel it.

We stick around.

And you really need to pay attention to the numbers

Realtimelaundry

Absolutely. It's gotta be peaceful.

some of the clothes that we have in the store?

The guy in the wheelchair is gonna sing it to the Asian girl, I believe.

Why do you need to have sex, Deb?

Let's go, we'll feed them. Mommy will feed them.

I would love to lend you money, but... Thank you.

What's wrong with Art Garfunkel? He has a beautiful voice.

If he insults my daughter again,

How do I call eBay?

When I kissed him, I felt his little tiny teeth nubs with my tongue.

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

I'm gonna let you watch Lost. Come on.

That's what you look like.

because that puts a lot of pressure on you, and stress,

Is there something that you can do to be helping me right now?

Hey, how funny would it be if I bought your house?

Paul McCartney. Okay. Stop it.

because she's got an ear infection again.

Everything that goes in is dicks?

I'm sorry. Okay...

Oh. We are on time.

DEBBIE: It's just not my kind of music.

Mom, why can't I get new clothes?

Kids! Time to go!

You're a blast to dance with.

Yes, because you spent thousands of dollars on shit we don't need.

I'm dead! You're dead! You're dead!

Say it again. Bodies by Jason.

What are you doing?

Be right back. Okay.

I'm trying to fuck you.

You shut up. Shut up, Sadie!

Because you're eight.

And I won't be around to see it, and that makes me very sad.