Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

That even though your parents aren't what you need them to be,

so he demanded satisfaction in the form of pistols at dawn.

he doesn't even know what mourning means anymore.

but because I knew it could be so much better,

because they ran a review and tore him to shreds.

That's more my mom's speed.

that always seemed to circle back to everything being my fault.

the only thing you wanted all along, to be seen.

No rimshot there?

All that I was ready for. I was not ready for "I see you."

and now it never would be. And that's what losing a parent is like.

My darling mother gave the eulogy.

"My husband is dead, and everything is worse now."

to try to attribute it to anything.

And I have to be like, "I don't know, all of it?"

How, most days, I can't concentrate

[rimshot plays]

Seriously, hold your applause.

Anyway, you know what I thought...

so, I'm the real hero of the story.

I watched her do it.

You've got a head start on most kids.

while your brain is still loose and stupid.

You're actually very lucky.

Hey, Mom, knock once if you love me and care about me,

I actually had a near-death experience, recently.

but when I finally had enough, I went to the store and it was gone.

He claimed the critic didn't understand what it meant to be a man,

I performed a comedy routine for my high school talent show.

Sorry, spoiler alert for the season six finale of Horsin' Around,

Sorry about the closed casket, by the way.

like if I'm not having an "awesome day," suddenly I'm the negative one.

It was a couple hours later

who was as batshit as he was and took him up on the offer.

she never even picked up the little noise and snot factory!

Not, "How are you doing today?" No. "Are you having an awesome day?"