Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

Bollocks.
She's got prominent lips like me...
Creates quite a market when a painting
Mmm... (URINATING)
and I'm here, it's time for you and I to talk turkey.
high-tension car battery.
No one knows the filthy underside
a pair of rather flashy Varleys
Mmm.
(BOTH SCREAMING)
and the secret bank accounts along with it.
Oh, I don't like that. I don't like it.
(CHUCKLES) Yes. Where is the Goya?
Twenty-five million.
Finally!
500, ladies and gentlemen.
Can you imagine the two of us
eight million in back taxes.
- One second. - (STOMACH CONTINUES GRUMBLING)
We must secure the painting,
The truth is nice, but a rumor is priceless.
Send your camel to bed, damn it!
he will kill us and simply take it instead.
Get on that ladder!
Who is this woman Mortdecai and what does she want? Hmm?
We'll have your things sent over from the hotel.
Oh, Jock...
You know I'm not interested in your flaccid Sheridan.
The Duchess of Wellington.
Vladimir, please to take Mr. Mortdecai's trousers down.
Do you mean you are ready?
Who's the client?
I don't like it!
A child! She spawned a child!
Oh, how I long for the rain and indifference of Europe.
(STAMMERING) What makes you think I have it?
cheap, leather encasement, just like on telly?
(KNOCK ON DOOR)
Get back behind the tape!
All right. That gives us six...
Yes, but someone found out about the plan,
Fernand Just Quignon's Lavender Field.
- Oh, don't do that! - For heaven's sake.
The sale of your Rolls-Royce to Krampf
No, I can't understand a word she says.
and I'm trying to stop him.
Right you are, sir.
This may be a customary greeting in America.
Johnson!
Anything will do, I thank you.
President Trump?
(GROANING)
Because I have a question for you, old bean.
to sell off some of my prized possessions.
Oh!
Oh, and poor Spinoza...
But why does everyone seem to think...
Yeah, like I told the lady earlier today,
Jockie,
And is the legend true?
when she discovered the Goya,
Dear Alastair,
to another of our embassies for help
Oh, my dear, I'm so tired. And so married and so tired.
(DOOR BUZZING)
I paid three million for that tapestry,
or I'll have the magistrate open that file
Whom exactly?
(CHUCKLES) Not nearly.
Two hundred. Very good. Do we have three?
the guest bedroom for Mr. Mortdecai?
releasing a fart
(GRAHAM GASPS)
Oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear, oh, dear...
of some of my more unseemly escapades.
Now, tell me about that tramp on the horse.
Dad! What the hell are you doing?
Ohh.
an admirable job stomping all over the place.
Oh, Alastair. It's so lovely. Do come back.
But I watched it burn.
Fundamentalist, revolutionary, trained in Syria,
You served in the War then, Your Grace?
(BOTH GAGGING)
- (GUNFIRE) - MORTDECAI: Oh, dear!
Ahh!
goin' on five years now.
of our financial affairs.
(INHALES)
A client with a mild curiosity, that's all.
and this little bit of magic
Shall we start the bidding at 100,000 pounds?
Go to the Colonies? Me??
(RINGING)
That is a superb Hulihee sans sideburn,
and retrieving a certain something in the process.
You owe me.
Well, that's what Emil's after.
I see.
Oh, dash it all, Jock, man, your hand!
In addition to being my manservant and thug,
An arts dealer, an accomplished fencer,
MORTDECAI: As you may well know, I am many things.
I do believe it was Maggie Thatcher
Oh... (LAUGHS)
and now Bronwen is as stiff as my Uncle Richard's hatband.
steal the painting from Bronwen.
Hello...
Oh, really, why? Why?
sort of cement brothel, my love.
One million pounds.
Proceed.
Which I am sorry to report has been...
To what do I owe the pleasure?