Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

MAN: Apple is going to reinvent the phone.
Holy shit. We went 10 years into the future.
(SINGING) You're a fucking nerd
Nah, I got a thing I gotta do.
I have a surprise for you.
I'm doing fucking shitty, Gary.
(GROANS) God, it hurts so bad.
News selected. Thank you, Mr. Dorchen.
MAN: Uh, can we get... I don't, uh...
I got a feeling we'll see him again.
It's not always the Grammys. Sometimes it's the Grammys.
(SIGHS) He just gets me so mad.
Just like I copyrighted that word "Well"..
Just punched him with my fist.
What the hell does that mean?
Okay, load 'em up!
Do it! Do it!
so I don't have to talk to you.
Slowly.
Does he have, like, emotional problems?
Wait. So you are the inventor of time travel.
So how did the ultimate party animal get the inspiration
Kelly, we're soul mates.
I think I may be Mr. Dorchen.
It turned this worthless piece of dirt into a goldmine.
(WOMAN SCREAMS)
introducing Lou the Violator
Oh, my God! Fuckin'A! You're Nick Webber, man!
Ah!
How the fuck are you rich?
Plainly, just by virtue of Lou being here alive in 2025
Where's my hair? It's where my power lies.
From that shelf down.
What are you talking about?
when you see something you like, you make your selection,
He's got such a big future ahead of him.
Oh, really? Because you seem to have stepped right into my life.
All right, fine! The fucking murder thing.
- Lou, Lou. - Lou. Lou!
We'll solve my stupid murder, which hasn't happened yet.
I see the cocaine. So what?
Make each moment count.
Yes!
Instead of linear, think of space-time as being fluid...
I think this is a choice,
You, too, buddy.
Nick Webber has a show in 2025. Still got it!
Dude, is there, like, a stage manager around?
- Is it fun? - Yeah, it's kind of fun.
(CHUCKLING)
I'll bet there's a lot of people here tonight
I'm not the murderer. Come on.
Nick Webber Nick Webber
Don't say that!
- Jacob is my cousin. - No.
Mmm-hmm.
Yeah. You know what?
I have definitely given a back-alley blowjob.
No, I'd flickered? No, I didn't.
You look like Michael Chiklis fucked Big Daddy Warbucks,
Just
Hey! Jake the Snake!
Hey, baby. (SNIFFS)
NICK: Mmm-hmm.
You look like a grown-up Gerber baby.
Knock on something.
Holy shit!
Hey! Welcome to The Daily Show. I'm Jessica Williams.
- What the fuck are you doing? - Hang on. Trust me.
It's okay. It's okay. Watch.
Uncle by marriage!
It's the party. And there's still time!
You know, I bet...
This is different.
That's just the plot of that movie National Treasure.
Where'd it go? Where did it go?
I'm strong as fuck.
- Okay. - Yeah?
Before that, let's back it up.
(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)
(GASPING)
Wait.
the name of the cat wrangler.
JACOB: Fuck your fucking wig.
Yeah!
Holy shit.
like Andre Agassi or Bruce Willis or something.
Well, I'm going to do that. So, first... And then...
I've seen fucking movies, you guys! I've seen movies!
that happen to make him a bunch of money. That's it.
Susan, I promise it's not a dick and balls this time.
My dick is back!
...about what happened at Choozy Doozy...
(LOU GROANS)
A great room is a great room.
BOTH: You're my best choice!
No?
beside the hot tub time machine.
GARY: This ain't a circus!
Okay!
Mad Man is a great show.
(LAUGHING)
Why would that book exist?
- I'm gonna get, like, a billion views! - NICK: Okay.
Jacob!
for greater regulation of the industry,
that you're wearing back here in the studio!
- LOU: Nick. - Yeah, buddy.
- Come on, baby. You got this. - Let him do it.
Come on. Let's get a drink.
Come on, Lou, you know he can't help it.
How long has he been on heroin?
Looks like a Miami IKEA.
Because life is about number one.
And, we're back with the Celebrity Choozy Doozy challenge round.
Thanks for holding him down for me!
Okay, I get it, man, I get it. I get it. I'm a loser.
Yeah. See, the thing about that is, it's complicated.
I like that. I like you.
(MUSIC PLAYING)
Oh, God, I'm so good at that!
Oh, come... Come on!
(DANCE MUSIC PLAYING)
JACOB: Oh, shit. Oh, shit. Oh, shit.
- Fuck you, dude! - Yeah.
You can call me Uncle Lou now.
Okay, I'm always going to be a loser. I'm not like you guys.
What am I supposed to fucking knock on?
Shit got bad, Lou.
- Jacob! (GRUNTS) - Let's go!
No. Okay, fraud is too strong a word.
because of me.
Ooh, the Electric...
Whoo!
I didn't know you had company.
ADAM: You're a nerd You're a nerd...
Some curious news out of the tech sector today.
had a shotgun pointed at my dick