Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

I know, Brad. I didn't mean to fuckin' lose it.

Obviously not the direction of the song, right?

MALE ANNOUNCER: Get ready for mischief, mayhem,

But you guys can introduce us.

We did it in front of the mirror.

I'm just happy that you guys are happy.

You gotta choose someone, Lou.

Oh, that's actually not bad.

You have no idea.

Where does it say in the Shitty Parent's Handbook to treat your son like shit?

He was beating the shit out of me!

My pleasure, son.

No, that was the third greatest moment of my life.

I mean, this is exactly the sort of thing that he needs.

What I would do is spike his morning cocktail with a potent sedative

You look like... Kevin Yardley!

I made a lot of mistakes. I've taken advantage.

so why have any fun tonight at all?

- (BEEPS) - Yeah, well, guess what?

This lady right here.

Look, you're gonna like this me a lot better.

About time someone manned up and shot the bastard.

You know, I couldn't, unless I had some sort of...

- Lou, what are you doing? - Lou, get out of the road.

(AUDIENCE CHEERING)

Have you ever felt like your entire life was a fraud?

No time to explain. Follow me.

This is so smooth, I don't think I went bald.

who fucked Lex Luthor.

I get this shit.

Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck.

He didn't invent Goo... Lougle.

And now that he's gone, I can't help but feel...

Who will the lucky winner be?

Since it happened in the future,

I'm actually getting married tonight, so I can't.

Do you think I can make that dumpster, guys?

I remember when I first heard that stupid song. I was like,

Quick juggling and make some fucking drinks!

Oh, God. I can't believe that son of a bitch stole my idea.

Are you ready for the ride of your fucking life?

Start making things right.

We got a murder to solve here, huh?

But in that moment, everything became clear to me.

Hey, is it still day out there?

(SIGHS) Jacob, I know what you're going through.

he should still be dead.

maybe this summer, you know, I come work with you at Lougle?

I'm bored by this shit.

Me! Me! I did it! I chose it!

You saw it. I'm a disaster.

This is gonna get worse before it gets better.

the universe has to offer at our fingertips

Oh, this is a great call.

I'm going to shoot you in the dick

Shit! It's bad! Somebody call an ambulance!

Boo! You suck at this!

That's how we got nitro?

- Oh, my God! - How did you even do that?

and inappropriate, what we're doing. You're welcome, Mom and Dad.

Nice skirt, by the way.

before he goes back in time and kills Lou!

Because fireworks make me want to puke, and you know that.

NARRATOR: One fateful ski trip in 1986

Hey, bite down on this. Good. Okay.

I think it was when my nephew from the future

Adam! Have you seen Lou?

Adam? What'd he do, have a light lunch and a spa day?

I mean bad like the part of Boogie Nights

Yeah. Crazy, right?

Chuck Zito? That motherfucker!

I just want to go somewhere, just you and me.

What's he doing here?

I had a Passat follow me around for three weeks one time.

Arnold's hand gets chopped off in the past,

I know what it's like to feel unappreciated,

I'm Arthur Miller.

What are the, uh, house rules here?

- It's 2015. - Shut the fuck up!

No, why would someone write that book?

Alternate universe. Like Fringe.

Do you think she and I are gonna be okay?

(SINGS PARODY OF MELANCHOLIC POP SONG)

You Oughta Know. Feelin' Like Teen Spirit.

if it's actin' funny.

- That'd be fucked up. - Touch me, you filthy vagrant.

It's guy on guy, girl on girl.

Yeah, I think so, too, Lou. Thanks.

Honey, we found our mini-cake bites.

Okay, this has gone on long enough.

- Come on! We want some new ideas! - WOMAN: Eat a bunch of waffles!

That's your fucking plan here?

- Hey. - Oh, hey.

MAN: Yeah. Touch up his nipples, please.

Yeah, in so many ways. But, listen,

Hey, why don't you make like a fuck off and get out of here?

You'd figure after 10 years, something would be different, right?

No. Scratch that.

so they're traveling to the lowest part of his body,

It's in the ether.

It's midnight Everybody strut right now

Waffles, waffles. It's a neck-and-neck with...

Fuck you for making me bald.

First order of business,

MAN: Don't listen to anything he says.

Let me do this! I got this!

Life is fucking weird, you know?

For one, they're fit and handsome and you're neither of those things.

Every day's a seance, baby. Every day's a seance.

You blew half of Pittsburgh before your bachelorette party.

We get blackout drunk, we hallucinate,

Weren't you listening to my speech, dude?

No, they broke up before I was even born.

That's what it is.

- It's self-driving. - What?

Did you change?

What do you think?

Yeah, you're getting married for the rest of your life,

I left my phone back in the 1800s.

That's a good one.