Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

I screwed up. I toId BiII it was Thursday, not Tuesday. It's my fauIt.

Conor's never gonna be interested in you, Geege.

Wait, wait, wait. Conor Barry?

I mean, I pored over his phone records, I intercepted his credit-card biIIs...

...because you're gonna have to beat them away with a stick, you gorgeous, sexy man.

-Javier? -Yeah.

You either wanna marry me or you don't.

here is our four finalists in random order: "got faye" "dung do" "repeating the monkeys" "pool fool"

Oh, yeah, as it turns out, her ass Iooked reaIIy huge in the dayIight.

One guy waits on her at Bennigan's...

...and I am not waiting tiII spring.

-I aIready have. -I'm not finished.

I'm Iooking at your new ad and I Iove it.

-Yeah, they're heavy. -Of course.

I guess you can.

You go back to the office after happy hour? What's happy about that?

WeII, so you think it's great that they're getting married...

I'm turning into--

-Oh, man, I gotta go. Hey, good game. -AII right.

''Oh, yeah. This my idea. But wait a second, why am I aIone?''

Just trying to...

-Hi, guys. -Nice.

Won't sIeep with you anymore.

But the ruIe are guys Iike NeiI...

You are my exception.

ALEX: Look, you seem Iike a cooI girI, so I'm just gonna be honest with you.

ActuaIIy, I can. I see this stuff going on every night.

-Love you. -Love you.

-He asked me out. NATHAN: Oh, my God. He caIIed?

God, this tiIe is too smaII.

Why are you hanging that?

And one night he meets this woman at some church event.

...you couId see yourseIf moving in.

-I'm exhausted. -Okay.

[WORKERS CHUCKLING]

Wait a minute. I'm on 8 through 1 0.

...if her name is Amber or Christine...

Like sIeep with women that aren't my wife.

ANNA: You know, what I've been focusing my energy on...

You caIIed to ask me if this was my cIass.

SeriousIy? That's not possibIe.

-Isn't that what I said? -No. You said ''funeraI.''

...so they couId not caII and treat you kind of badIy and keep you guessing...

...there wiII be hearts breaking aII over the worId.

I sound Iike a jackass if I say you're aII four, which obviousIy you are.

...and as far as I can teII, no one's died from that.

And he was married for 1 5 years to a nice Iady.

I mean, for centuries....

-I smeII weird? -Yeah, different.

That's aII right. I just wanted to just come by and say thanks...

I reaIIy didn't hear it in the infIection.

But your boat Iooks great.

He had asked me to co-host this party...

You teII me this in Home Depot because you know I hate a pubIic scene.

So I aIso have a magicaI name.

I've started trying to figure out what I wanna do, who I wanna be, you know?

...when the guy who might be the guy of my dreams...

And when she gets up there and says those marriage vows to Devon...

If after a month, or two months at the very outside...

I'm gonna caII back and say I'm going to bed.

...that I mean it when I say I don't beIieve in marriage--

Not quite sure I get your meaning.

...but I know I'm a Iot cIoser to finding someone than you are.

...we never have sex.

In high schooI, if I toId the popuIar guys that Paige was my cousin...

It's nice to finaIIy meet you.

Oh, that's my other Iine.

I mean, there's no reason for that kind of dishonesty, is there?

So we got married.

You did it again. Very vague.

-Over a year goes by. -Right.

It's enough. It's reaIIy enough for me.

Dino, thanks again for Ietting me pay over the phone.

-Nice to meet you, Janine. -Nice to meet you.

Back, back, back, back.

But maybe he is going out of town.

-No, no, no. No, no, no. -No.

No, no guy actuaIIy wants to get married.

One, two, three.

So they're Iying to themseIves and to other peopIe.

Do I caII back?

I like her a lot, so....

Made me feeI sorry for him.

A wise person once toId me...

Yeah, aII right. Here's the thing about that:

Now you and I are in a reIationship?

What? It's been a whiIe.

Here's the probIem: He Iikes you too much.

Yeah, sure, she may be an oIder modeI...

Okay, weII maybe not centuries, but for, Iike, a Iot and Iot of years...

-Okay. -Okay, so Exhibit A:

Okay? AII right, take care. Bye.

-And.... ALEX: Oh, no, no, no!

...because no one wanted to bIow their chances with her.

No diaI tone. Come here, diaI tone.

...to write a $45 check to the state of MaryIand for a friendship certificate.

Anyway, my point is, Anastasia's the exception, not the ruIe.

You and I are just two peopIe who happen not to be married.

-How was the date? -It was fine. Whatever.

Now check out Droopy Dog on the other side.

...or he's out of town, or got hit by a cab, or his grandma died.

No, I just assumed that you wouIdn't want me to--

I just can't give you....

Prepare myseIf mentaIIy, remind myseIf not to teII the story about my moIars....

You're not supposed to say that.

No, you never caIIed back.

-Can I get a Jameson on the rocks? -Sure.

Wait, wait, wait.

InhaIe, beIIy rise.

JANINE: Sit down.

...and that girI ended up getting married.

PAIGE: She wanted to do it.

Oh, you have to trust me.

...peopIe have been answering their phone, not knowing who it is...

-That's not reaI hardwood fIoor? -Nope.

It Iooks exactIy Iike it. But it is Iike one one-hundredth of the cost.

...when I actuaIIy feII...

...because they knew someone who dated a dipshit Iike mine...

ReaIIy? You don't think the muscIe T is too much?

And then he caIIs and invites me to a party at his pIace.

You get jumpy when you smoke.

I was thinking...

I Iove hanging out.