Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

You're gonna hear me roar Nice.
- You. Keys in the car? - Keys are in the car.
Wait. Cocks in the machine. What is that?
- Give me your credit card. - Good.
See that space? That empty space above the fireplace?
- You like to fuck guys. - No. My sex addiction is to ladies.
Hey, hey. If you're coming in for the morning grind...
You said kidnapping. I was like, What a weird word.
- Boy, that was predictable. No, thanks. - We're good.
bought the company is keeping us on to run it.
- It's a choice. - Well...
Majestic, in position.
That's top of the line. That's like the Cadillac of plungers.
Kurt, you gotta stop hiring hot unqualified women.
- You're not gonna pull this stunt again. - What stunt?
...and just wrestling.
If we don't come up with a ransom plan that you love, we pull the plug.
- We're back on him, sir. - How do you know it's him?
It's good to have a gay friend in your group too, you know?
Well, he's doing well.
Whatever makes you feel comfortable... Well, there goes a shirt. All right.
Wait, whoa. You can't just walk up to the guy's front door.
Fifty-fifty chance it's gonna be open.
They tried to peg me as a child sex offender. It was total bullshit.
Can I talk to you outside, please?
- I'll think about my girls. I can get it done.
Bridge is still clear, chief.
It is smart. It is mad creative.
Hold on. Before we kick this thing off, can I just say something?
...and that is the part where people get caught.
- Look who's the predator now, bitch. - Wait, Dale. What are you doing?
Right, but he's not super young.
That's right. You dummy. Don't you know that?
It's called her vagina, Nick.
After Kurt's little performance, there's no way he's gonna call the cops.
- I'm gonna go to this light right here. - If you've gotta go, you gotta go.
...or the little boy dies.
- Turn it off. - I'm trying to. It's broken or something.
Are you kidding me? Turn it the other way.
You were here this whole time with a cell phone...
You're the best.
Then we'll all roll.
- I'll write that down. - Can we get his contact info?
- How's that? - Uh, do you have a scarier S than that?
We just got inside. Let's stay.
No, I don't think I'd call the cops. I couldn't take that risk.
- Dale's little boys. - Girls, Kurt.
It's all just material. Electrons, protons.
How do you kidnap somebody without them knowing...
I don't know what thatched hut you grew up in, but this is disgusting.
This illustrates my point, idiots. We need to find somebody who's legitimate.
No, that was a gift.
- Hand's cramping up. - Here, let me help.
- Got it. - Why would I wanna be the soul?
The plan did not account for a locked door?
You know what? How about you fellas show us how this gizmo works?
- You're enthusiastic and you're unjaded. - And unqualified.
That's what's going on.
- Right. - So beautiful.
And we're back in five, four...
- Whoa, Kill Shot? - Yeah, I wanna be Kill Shot.
With game-time traffic, he could be here in less than 10 minutes. How we doing?
- Inside a woman. - Meeting adjourned.
Yes, Mr. Rex.
- He's dead. - We should've stayed cogs.
Dale's gonna help out. Thank you, buddy.
Jumanji
- Oh, fuck. - What the fuck is that?
Save me a shake.
- What's that laugh about? - I just said good luck.
- ...with the wand with the soap. - It's got everything in one thing.
Um...
The Blade is in position.
See, you can't have this both ways.
- You got kittens? - Surprising.
Why we even doing this thing?
It doesn't reach. Should it reach?
- Take the money and get out. - He's got cool shit.
Disguised. Armed. Dangerous.
Better than having some strange dude with you.
To throw the cops off if they start snooping
It's the only thing you went in there to buy.
- Hey, all right. There it is. - I got his elbow. Yeah.
If we're switching positions, she'll lose track of who's where.
We'll see you later. See you Monday. Get out of here.
- Yeah. - Well, that's productive, though.
- I can't save my marriage from prison. - No, you can't.
Oh, God. That is nice.
I'll tell you right now. I'm sold. I wanna invest.
All right, we're back in 20 seconds.
Funny Things WHERE'S GOD WHEN I'M S-SCARED? (1993) GOD WANTS ME TO FORGIVE THEM!?! (1994)
Yeah, you know what I mean.
Oh, shit. Are you kidding?
Mm-hm. - That's my code name, Nick.
And don't think we don't know you got the law with you. That's something we do know.
And your fathers had no balls.
Please, welcome Nick, Kurt and Dale.
In these moments, it's more impactful to be still.
Through no fault of our own, we found ourselves in another pickle.
Dude, get your fucking head out of my crotch.
Are we talking about him or Predator? I'm terrible with metaphors.
So I drive to the Staples Center.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, buddy. Simmer down. Kidnapping was your idea, remember?
From a legal standpoint...
All I'm asking you to do is finish your own plan but for double the money.
Well, he's got them on his mind, clearly.
Why would you start production...
Oh, shit. So, what phone does he have?
It was a blow job. It was a blow job, only. Didn't fuck her.
...till all this shit goes by.
Look at those babies. Oh, Dale, they look just like you.
She told me everything she put you through because of her affliction.
That was bullshit.
Dad, what are you talking about? We never make this kind of deal.
- We lost the wire. - Shit.
It might be your acting.
He does have klan eyes
All-time shittiest idea you guys ever had. Can't believe you talked me into this.
They're not working. They consider this playing.
Can you imagine if someone stole one of them?
You can't roll over and die when your back's against the wall.
Honey, no one's head's going in my lap. It's
Kidnapped?
- You what? - You did what?
Well, I can't stop anybody from brainstorming.
Oh, this is awesome.
No, that's...
That's them. Those three, they tortured me, then said they were gonna kill my dad.
Hmm.
Ha! There they are. There are my shower buddies.
I would marry Ed Helms, fuck Bradley Cooper and kill Zach Galifianakis.
...your options are...
By the time the cops know they've been had...
Aw, that looks bad. That looks bad.
I can make sure Dad pays up.
And then I need you to proceed north onto Figueroa and await further instructions.
....
We'll come back, don't do anything rash.
Ah. Oy, oy, oy.
But we got you.
And then when you, uh, set me free...
I am Blanston.
- He's got bullets. He's got bullets. - He's got bullets? Fucking hell.
So, what do the doctors say? Am I gonna die?
Wait. Shut up, shut up, shut up. This is Stacy.
I was on the fence.
My mom died when I was 4, and, um...
- Yeah. - We're all in trouble.
Well, what's the next part of the plan, Motherfucker?
- Get them off. Get them over. - No.
- I didn't think that far ahead. - You get even dumber in the mornings.
- Come on, man. - Easy.
Kim.
He's gonna help? Okay, I got a notepad. I got a notepad.