Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

I'm here to see Mr. Black.

Plain-ass bitch.

Who you telling? I was close, girl.

I'm inspired to write a song

They gonna put me on a Wheaties box! Oh!

You're lucky I wasn't in your medicine cabinet,

Wow, that's really just so sweet of you, Mrs. Black.

Good, 'cause you got fucked up!

- Are you upset? - I'm upset.

Hit that bottom!

I have a very important question to ask you, Ms. Steale.

Yes. Drink to forget.

You know, that's not even real flowers. It's fucking fruit.

Not as sad as Luther Vandross' Dance With My Father.

I don't make the rules, I'm just telling you.

How about this? Let's try in Spanish.

If you're looking for the homeless shelter, it's two doors down.

I Wish I'd died.

I was just in the area and wanted to pick up a few items.

Did I tell you that twins run in my family?

Ooh, girl, I tried to take a piss earlier,

I know what you're saying,

- But what you not gonna do... - You not gonna do...

super-handsome, possibly-dangerous thing,

If I could just find these keys.

Wait a minute, is that a Retina display MacBook Pro?

I like baby talk, I like to cuddle.

Boy, was I mistaken!

- I got nothing. - 'Cause I'm better than you.

Please go back to the water-torture thing!

and he tells her the story about their lives together.

It's a spicy goat dish from Nigeria.

Yeah, you're like... You're, like, a lot

Oh, for sure. I will put that...

I would've thought they'd be more droopy,

and have the family over for dinner.

Is that something that you think you can do?

You know, I'd like to bite that lip.

with the damaged hair and the cankles.

Handcuffs. All right.

which means there's no room for the dopey intern

A b c d e f You and your eggs and your ramen and your job.

There's no mother, no brother, no cousins, no second cousin removed,

That's 100 problems, Hannah!

I was sure that Christian was gay.

I'll just... I'll see you back at my place tomorrow. Yeah.

This must change!

- Could be that you're lucky. - No.

No, you listen to me.

Interestingly enough, he donates all cash.

Teach you a little lesson about rolling your eyes. Come on.

Ooh, and I love Nicholas Sparks movies.

I've just been waiting.

Are you thinkin' about marrying her?

No, Christian. You are incapable

No play cousins.

I don't know what to do!

- Hickies? Edible Arrangements? - Mmm.

Yes, you did. I have it on tape.

you penis suck of yours.

- The village is a gangbang. - Hannah!

And it's a start, okay?

I'm gonna be honest with you, Christian. She's not attractive.

What if she get pregnant?

Johnson. Dakota Johnson.

Can I show you some love?

You can't be cuckooin' on this mo'fuck!

I'm actually around all of next week.

I got three fillets for fryin'.

- Yeah. I'd really love a handjob, though. - What?

- Wha... - Yeah, I read your text.

that she'd grow up one day and run off with Gary.

What if I wanted to hire you?

Don't give her all the dick, bro.

about you right now.

For Christian, of course, we have fried chicken and Kool-Aid.

I mean, not really. You look like a sad Gollum.

- Who the fuck are you? - My name is Hannah Steale.

Two in the pink, one in the stink, yeah.

I am so sorry, Hannah.

- over all the years... - Oh, shit! What!

I want to be like that old man whose wife has Alzheimer's,

The tape is this way. Follow me.

Well, what's more romantic

Have one of these. Here you go.

as long as you promise you won't tell my dad I fucked a black guy.

It takes the sting off.

I can't believe you thought I was gonna take you on the chopper.

Turns out you were right about bin Laden.

- Christian. - I hope I answered all your questions.

The Molly must not be crushed up all the way.

Come with me. I'll explain.

You're not gonna amount to anything, sexually or musically.

Let's be clear. I will not share you with another woman.