Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

After this comes the book deal, and then the movie deal,

What? It's locked. Are you okay?

An inmate from Litchfield Federal Prison

And no one is shitting in any cup, okay?

I got mad control over my epiglottis.

I'm not some cool story at a yuppie fucking cocktail party.

Y'all are like some cautionary tale shit.

Five-hundreds. That's science.

Now, the prison doesn't need a case of the junkie jitters on record,

You two should tour high schools for abstinence,

We were never friends, Piper. We weren't...

Your mother sucks cocks in hell!

That's it. Now leave me the fuck alone.

Of course, honey.

My mighty staff?

They won't even find out I was using.

and she's like, Where's Pete? Yes.

so I had to let the guy run the meter until Polly's dad got there.

Besides, whatever she was doing clearly ran out, right?

How are you feeling?

I covered for her when she got here. Hmm? Just like I did for you.

Oh, well, my husband isn't home. He's got the checkbook.

There's other people in this prison,

You see any babies around here?

I'm just getting started, bitch.

She works up front, eats souls for fun?

What's it like when he comes to visit?

My father, he sold candy out of a box.

Oh, wait. Crowning. Let's look at crowning.

Want me to read it? I am going to read it.

I think there are pictures.

Jesus, with this shit.

I don't know. Polly made a last-minute Evite so...

You wanna know how she gets the contraband in?

She made a mistake, okay? She's 19 years old.

But I just need to get... Out!

I mean, shit. What's the point?

'cause a minute with you two is better than Plan B.

Trailer park all-star with the classy neck tat?

That's what you're supposed to say, right? It's a baby.

And it deserves to be celebrated.

To the first of many articles in world-class publishing and the like.