Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

All baseball players out of here! I mean it!

So don't you think we would get more ass living on campus?

$300 and a kid?

ROPER: Just give it up, son.

something that he could potentially find meaning in.

ROPER: What the fuck, Niles! DALE: Well, that was ugly.

- Did you see that? - JAKE: What?

That's where I tie it in to baseball.

See, that's a bad bet. I'll take the bet.

Oh, man. I mean, this is gonna be fun.

just broke that rule, you know?

is trying to stop us from, from going to a party, is that...

(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

- How you doing? - GIRL: Hi.

- Pete Ward's here? Yeah, baby. - ROPER: Oh, yeah.

I'm a sophomore. I live in the apartment next to Angie.

Jacob? Hey, how you doing? I'm Billy Autrey.

ROPER: What party?

Don't tell me you're flying blind into this thing.

That's a good point. That's a good point.

Now, superstition, it's bringing a...

PLUM: She looks like my fifth grade teacher.

- on the first day or so? - Yeah.

- All right, go get 'em, Jake. - Let's go, fellas.

- Beuter. - Yes, sir.

What the hell's wrong with you? You scared the shit out of me.

down at that Jolly Fox and Sound Machine, or whatever.

All right, new guy coming in, getting all the ladies.

This one, this one loves catching our balls,

BRUM: The fuck is wrong with that guy?

- How's it going? - Yeah, yeah!

Here we are ... Persians for a night!

We knew we'd find you drunks here!

(SHOUTING CONTINUES)

(INHALES DEEPLY)

See, no, it's genius, actually.

And we used to be telepathic.

JAKE: I, uh, think that's our professor.

Well, hey, oh, hey This will make your day

ROPER: Sharpshooter status, right here.

so he'll disguise himself somehow.

Don't act like you don't like me just because I got good hair!

(CHUCKLING) Okay.

- Finn, don't disappoint me. - Give me a second.

Did he just flick a lime in my drink?

Yeah, yeah, he never wants people to know he's watching,

Oh, thank God. Finally.

- Hey. Nice to meet you. - Hi. Nice to meet you.

There's plenty of room in both these houses for socializing.

Because corporate America is shoving something down your throat

Y'all wanna know the truth?

You could come all sweaty and in your uniform.

and we've agreed to be responsible for them.

It's the one with the three scratches on the bill.

(DISCO MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)

Sharks have tails.

that the lucky helmet was probably not the factor

"The beauty of a living thing isn't about the atoms that go into it,

From California, senior Charlie Willoughby.

Does that mean you're not going?

- You're fucked, Brum. - What?

- Fuck. - I tell you.

All right! Our lucky year!

No trust me, man, she's not fucking pregnant, all right?

- Val? - How you doing, Dale?

It steps up from one moment to another and leads you there, just...

I'd like to introduce you to the new guys on the team.

Tony: like my mustache?

I swear to fucking God! Shut your mouth!

I feel great with those odds.

- Good game, man. - You can't...

and everyone else is, like, hideous.

- Folded like a lawn chair. - Yup. Yup, yup, yup.

- Hey, what's wrong with Jacob? - (JAKE GROANS)

Coming full circle.

that we're ever gonna get that back?

preferably in the bed, as well.

of the things they've done.

in large groups or anything,

- (LAUGHS) - Wow.

Well, take notes, boys,

Sure those pants couldn't be a little tighter there?

The raw dog. (CHUCKLES)

that also offered me a scholarship.

- (COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING) - (WHOOPING)

It sort of begs the question about who we really are.

Alex Brumley, outfield.

- And the eyes! - ROPER: Let me see that.

- (JAY GASPS) - PLAYER 1: Whoo-hoo!

I'll make a good father someday.

Hey, screwdriver! Okay?

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

ROPER: Huh? Is that right?

is that you have not earned teammate status yet.

Okay, Jacob. Yeah, we'll see you, man.

Now you can come back here and do the five-knuckle shuffle

- (JAKE GRUNTS) - Impossible to move.

Ah, give me a second.

I'll head over pretty soon then.

I ain't never put it in a pig!

The best in a-gambling Nesbit's a-rambling

Mmm. Oh, we're going to a show soon.

JAY: Bunch of fucking numb-nuts!

Sick to the bone but we come with style

You want me on the mound!

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO)

Okay, lock in. Lock in.

- Hi. Charlie Willoughby. Hi. - Jake. Good to meet you.

(BREATHES DEEPLY)

Except for, I think... This one.

- so this is about done. - Mmm-hmm.

It must've been awfully important like...

I'm not afraid to challenge you, man.

No, not dumb necessarily.

We weren't spontaneously performing in the streets

Cats shouldn't be in fridges.

And this dude on the porch?

Can you give us a moment?

Oh. What's up, dude? You gotta see this.

- Freshman's hearing things. - No, dude.

- Wait, Jay Niles isn't with you guys? - (ALL GROAN)

I mean, yeah, it's ridiculous to roll a boulder

I ain 't really a fan of that attitude

(ROCK MUSIC PLAYING)

Be responsible out there this weekend, okay?

- PLUM: What's up? - What's happening, man?

Yes, sir. (EXHALES)

(INDISTINCT CHATTERING)

WILLOUGHBY: Yeah. FINN: You know, I tried to warn them.

- ROPER: Oh, my God. - Fuck you!

You close your eyes, and somebody places

Fucking swing the bat, man.

But what you limp cocks don't seem to realize

Four screwdrivers One fat straw, baby!

Full throttle to the bottle.

It just seems a little phony.

I reckon he'll be out of there before too long, won't he?

That's what that was all about.

Just gets a little hairy.

you're the Hillside Strangler anymore, um...

Lot of Twilight Zones, man.

Yeah, I loved it.

So, what you want me to do?

Shut up shut up shut up. Cause I am doing so many Stupid errands. By speaking with forked tongue

- It's our ball. - Damn it!

(IN GERMAN ACCENT) I have very special ways.

I like the quiet guy in the back seat,

Look, I'll tell you who we are.

All right, boys. All right, bring it up, bring it up!

Oh, I'm, uh, I'm on the baseball team.

I'm telling you.

- Hey, do me a favor. Stop for a second. - ROPER: Why?

Drop one class, blow off another.

The hiney was flawless.

I feel like the Astros are gonna make it to the World Series.

Carl Sagan knows the universe is eternal

- Yeah? All right. All right. - Cool.

Spread your girl's legs and then I have lunch

Now I gotta put out that fucking fire.

I had a stack of offers about that high, that high.

- Oh, yeah. - Mmm-hmm.

Yeah, man. I mean, school hasn't even started yet,

How did you even, like... (CLICKS TONGUE)

Good, bad, doesn't matter.

Dancers... (RETCHING)

But you only gotta be passing nine to be eligible.

You thinking you got me clocked, then I set you up.

Uh, well, shit, if you ever wanna find Beuter, just follow the phone cord.

What do you do? I mean, you didn't really answer me.

but I told them I'm going to college for a couple of years.

No cover, free beer till 11:00 at Guaranteed Wholesome.

Get it under your arms and on your chest.

MANAGER: Out of the club! Right the fuck now! Get them out!

Them's the rule, Brums!

Did he just call his dick a joke?

No, no, I'm all right, thanks. (INHALES SHARPLY)

It's called a little bit of freshmen...

You ol Jimmy Fallon on shrooms ass you ol Adam Sandler Rob Schneider lookin ass you ol wanna bone Kristy Swanson lookin ass You ol Eddie Murphy mixed with P. Diddy lookin ass you ol Jamie Foxx Tommy Davidson lookin ass you ol Jennifer Gardner Judy Greer shape ass