Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

and John Dough...
But you... I mean...
Oh, that was "Buy American. "
Leslie Miller, proud to be an American.
One suggestion, sweetie.
Where is it?
At least I got to compete, and my mom got to see me dance.
Anyone talk to Jenelle lately?
Mm-hmm. Yeah. I'm gonna sing and dance...
Yeah, sure.
I'm not saying I'm the best or that I'd even win, but...
they won't be looking at your feet.
Everything smells like that in Mexico.
While every contestant...
This thing cost your dad a pretty penny...
We got to go to state!
What? Oh, my God.
Oh, thank you so much.
Ain't that right, Jean?
I work here now!
But none can compare to the greatest bark of all...
IT MUST BE WEDNESDAY.
We got to... Get off of me, you cow!
Oh, yeah, hell of a way to go, there.
Ruined a brand-new pair of Lee Press-Ons.
after he attacked me...
As acting president...
Excuse me, but I'm bragging up your kid here.
There we go.
Wait.
to get our mom a proper headstone...
Where each girl has a little ten-minute get-together...
Wait.
Well, then you'd better be willing to back it up...
Roll ‘em over! Lay ‘em flat!
What?
Sarah Rose knows you're a teenage girl
You are the one that wanted this.
Yeah, sure.
always keeps her flame burning bright...
for the reigning Mount Rose American Teen Princess.
Choking on swan gas.
but, I mean...
that the national didn't cough up a goddamn nickel...
Sometimes I dream of winning.
I know what some of your big-city, no-bra-wearin'...
The tard's pants are completely off.
Amber, I'm sorry. I really am.
Lincoln, Alabama, look out!
Spike, my German shepherd...
since she was knee-high to a pig's eye.
Brett Favre.
So, Brett, you want to go to the lake with me on Thursday?
Foul play? Shit no.
thousands of seventeen-year-old girls like yourselves...
You Guys Know The Retard's Pants Are Open?
Stephen, the thinnest, most smartest
"Where the hell is my waiter?!"
Who are you?
'Cause otherwise it could have gone right through my head.
I had to turn it in for scrap.
Jesus Christ!
- Marco! - Polo!
Don't make me kick you where the good Lord...
Oh, no. You just missed her.
she'd look up my dad and marry him.
by Gladys before the pageant.
My little Carol Burnett.
Shut up, Hank. This here's business.
So, has your mom kept your dad's life a secret?
Oh, gotta go.
Said she doesn't look nothin' like the picture they gave you.
Oh, she's super happy.
I'll let you drive.
Honey, if I was a good lover...
we turn over to you this young woman...
and there was a line on this in Vegas...
running eighteen miles a day on about four hundred calories.
is old-fashioned and demeaning to the girls.
you know...
a group of boys calling themselves Queen...
I think that you guys should leave.
Bad wiring?
We was robbed. We was robbed.
I mean, maybe other people think I can't win a beauty pageant...
I have a little secret weapon of my own
I was ready.
Oh, crap. Oh, crap. Oh, crap.
Nah, I quit.
Oh, my God.
when they raised and slaughtered their first pig.
Maybe it's your way of telling us to buy American.
Doing It Right
Hey Amber
Oh, my God, my tap costume's gone.
would have to be Miss Teen America 1995...
I thought it might help you get some sleep.
you might as well be talking to the wall.
OK, real good.
Yeah, all my mom's clothes melted onto mine.
Amber, I'm sorry. I don't make up the rules.
Never been around young girls.
Foul play? Shit, no.
in alphabetical order.
Springer Needs Help
Don't let that worry you, Annette!
Showtime.
from neighboring state pageants...
I don't think so.
The t**d’s pants are completely off
and being a big-time reporter like Diane Sawyer.
Minnesota's American Teen Princess...
This is exactly how I picture it! Choking on pug gas.