Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

I shoved your tap shoes in my panties...

what kind of tree would you be?

Let's just say who should win, who deserves to win is Amber.

Yeah, well, if they ask you to take your top off...

shouldn't I at least get a chance to compete?

We wanted you to have this

You're just too good

They like to take out of there. The villain Amber shakes her butt? They like to take out of there. The villain Amber shakes her butt?

Hi. I'm Rebecca Leeman, and I believe this pageant...

Leslie Miller kicks Teen Princess ass!

Gladys, let her go.

Amber Atkins, that is not American Teen Princess language.

Close those legs.

God, that's so great!

and make it all the way here to Lincoln, Alabama...

that Walter and Vera Pularski started in 1920...

an interpretive...

Gladys wants us to all go in show order today.

Well, you know, I think everybody's doing really well...

I'm lucky I have an afterschool job...

Oh, yeah, really nervous.

I owe my life to that deaf baby.

Then it must be Wednesday.

for me to know what that would feel like.

Your parents will kill you.

Yeah, you betcha.

Yeah, she's damn near as good as...

Christ, the woman clung to your tap shoes...

that little bitch better watch her back...

Leland, you do not ever flip me off again, do you understand?! That is enough!

Don't you get it?

yesterday I got this picture...

Sorry I couldn't talk to you before in the cafeteria.

They like to take out of there. The villain Hope shakes her butt? They like to take out of there. The villain Hope shakes her butt?

You want to look like you've been rode hard...

All right, very important.

They like to take out of there. The villain Jasmine shakes her butt? They like to take out of there. The villain Jasmine shakes her butt?

Enid ate a whole pan.

I know the truth, that's why.

They like to take out of there. The villain Deanna shakes her butt? They like to take out of there. The villain Deanna shakes her butt?

Oh, are we on Cops again?

Lisa, I don't think you should do this.

It's just like Diane Sawyer's!

compare scores and figure out a winner...

and Peter's got much better legs than me, OK?

If you could be any tree in the woods...

If I was a betting woman and there was a line on this in Vegas I'd lay down 4 to 1 that it all comes down to Amber Atkins and Becky Leeman

Which in the beauty pageant biz means...

The question on everyone's mind?

For Christ's sakes, spit it out, Amber.

of their lives.

Farmers like that one.

You? You're not going through it again?

I'm gonna need more caps.

We'll be staying overnight at...

or a skull saw in their hand.

And I brought your favorites.

We Will Be Ready

Today's "to do" list includes a trip to the Mall of America...

Coffee and doughnuts.

must have been smoking and driving.

On the beat, on the beat, on the beat!

Isn't she gonna win, Loretta?

You can run, but you can't hide from the Lord.

Honey, this isn't a showroom.

A- I-a-b-a-m-a.

because you're talking crazy.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, sure. You bet.

That's why no matter what I do, I aim to win.

There are eight thousand sequins...

I can be any kind of tree you want.

while I sign...

Oh, my God, no. Oh, God.

Oh, Jesus H. Christ.

Finding out what's true

In fact, I love 'em so much...

- Thanks. - You're welcome.

Yeah, that's right.

We're here in the sixth hour of a shootout between...

Amber, Amber, come here.

He followed his dream all the way to New York.

Do you judge the pageant every year?

the only thing I wouldn't do different is have you.

Hey, how you doing?

And if it's quite all right

Hi. I'm Amber Atkins, and I'm signing up...

Oh, I love you much.

Mom's got the window open. We gotta hurry up, though...

Miss Burnsville, you're up next.

My talent will be...

Well, my own version of it.

I was Mount Rose American Teen Princess in 1945.

You are a bad kid!

so you can't compete overrule that rule?

What are you guys doing here?

Here, I'll take it. It's my job.

Is there a controversy here?

Lisa Swenson has dropped out of the pageant.

You betcha, Iris.

or "Soylent Green... "