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Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips
Joni?
- Here. - Thank you.
I mean, you treat the Constitution like a build-your-own-pizza menu.
Shit, I don't even know who's at my house.
Oh, listen, I'm not gonna need you this weekend or tomorrow,
I hereby declare Drumstick and Cranberry
- There you go. - We're gonna have a mutiny.
Husband? You're married?
Oh, honey, I can't.
How'd it go with the New Hampshire Napoleon?
God, it still sounds so weird saying that.
At each of today's programs,
For my family back in Connecticut, we ditched the turkey.
Kent: Ben is bringing over Vice President Doyle.
of salmonella poisoning linked to contaminated poultry.
- In Maryland, ma'am. - Oh, that's where I'm from.
to forgo a traditional Thanksgiving
My eyelids are seriously starting to look like Keith Richards' ball sack.
I invited Richard to come back with us for Thanksgiving tomorrow.
Now, the beauty of this procedure
What are you asking him for? He's not a doctor.
I hope you die a horrible death
So do you have a list of spectacular dumbasses?
It makes a big difference to know that she's calling from the Oval.
And I noticed it, so I confronted him with the evidence.
I'm pretty sure I said be and also careful.
'cause I've got to call all of these Congress people.
- What? - What just happened?
My wife and I are trying to work some things out.
My husband and I are having his whole family over for turkey.
Could be more. Probably fit a lot of corn in there.
Got a little something for you.
Yes. We will be right back after this short break.
Yeah, Jeff?
The first ever Thanksgiving,
How do you feel about the term Turkeypocalypse?
- Oh, please. He wishes. - Ma'am, Mike just announced to the press
You know what it is? You want to fuck my wife, too, don't you?
Kent: Well done.