Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

Hey, bro, why don't you let me and Chels take this?

Do I have to mention my Parkinson's?

that you have ever read.

[bartender] No problem.

He's gotten more chiseled in the last couple of years.

and I didn't want to risk it.

How could you lie to me? I really liked you.

Well, actually, I was just dropping off your, uh, your lady's suitcase.

- So, you met the real Tag tonight, huh? - Mm-hmm.

I mean, that guy is everything that's wrong with Christmas.

Okay. The first thing you need to know about Tag

Here, look at this.

♪ I know you can save me ♪

Um... Could you just pause for a second? It's a little distracting.

Forgot my luggage. So I'm gonna...

[clicks tongue] Uh, yeah.

- Mmm. So good! - She loves her toast!

♪ Who'd have thought That we'd turn our home to hell? ♪

- Why? - Because it's a total scam.

For years, I've been chronicling my disaster dates

even with the three-hour time difference.

All right. Come on. [exhales] We gotta go. Don't want to be late.

Someone's here to see you!

♪ Her hair, it curls In the depth of the night ♪

- Eucalyptus? - Bengay.

you'll find me at home in Lake Placid, New York, planning my next move.

But fearing their power, Zeus split them into two separate parts,

♪ I dreamt last night ♪

- [Josh] No, you don't. [breathing heavily] - Yes, I do.

- [all cheering] - She said yes!

[Kerry] All you have to do is make sure Tag and the Lins

searching for their other half, their soul's equal.

[Tag] Okay, so... so you got mad at Josh for catfishing you,

Having sex with her would literally kill her.

Are you saying you don't want to work at the store anymore?

[footsteps approaching]

Oh, thank you, Grandma.

♪ Everlasting Lord! ♪

How do I make it clear

Worst case, maybe I'll have a little meat.

And... and by the way,

What are you doing here?

[inhales] Four weeks ago, I met a guy online.

- I figured it's the least I could do. - Oh.

[bells jingling]

Is that my baby?

I just don't think you're the one to write it.

Well, I don't know how to show that in a photo.

Well, she's right there.

We talked. [gulps] I made sure... The... the photo!

But here's the thing.

♪ Very Merry Christmas ♪

Stephen King is too afraid to trick-or-treat here.

Because this is going to be the most epic love story

- [bartender] Orange juice. Kiwi. - Say what?

There you go. [chuckles]

I... I thought that my perfect match was here,

- It's making me miserable. - Oh, I'm sorry. [sucks in air]

It's, uh, I mean, there's some gnar... like, gnarly climbing there.

[Josh] Oh Jesus.

[both men laughing]

♪ As long as the planets are turning ♪

Not only were Tag and I best friends until 8th grade,

No! That's not what I'm saying at all.

My God, honey, you are gonna make a therapist very wealthy one day.

- ♪ Merry ♪ - ♪ Merry ♪

The last time an intern forgot, I almost died.

♪ Anywhere means we're running ♪

♪ There's a tale about Christmas That you've all been told ♪

I met someone who's as perfect in person

Natalie. I... I know we haven't known each other for that long...

It's very expensive.

You've been lifting those weights I bought you. Huh? Yeah!

- ♪ Pray for your mercy! ♪ - ♪ Reconcile ♪

You wanna put your best foot forward.

A lot of guys bet big on China Tire.

- I'm gonna help her. - It's okay. Focus on...

I can see the steam!

Hey, can you do me a favor? Can you give this to Josh

[Josh] Before there was Ferris Bueller, there was Peggy Ann McKay.

♪ Say you wanna ride... ♪

Oh. Okay. All right.

why didn't you just leave?

- She has a condition. - Um.

I am so screwed!

and she has seen more ass than a church pew.

Okay, you're crazy.

everyone, really. I...

[Owen] Lin family, let's go!

♪ Oh girl I don't know all the reasons why ♪

an insensitive, attention-seeking [inhales deeply] jerk?

- Oh no. No, I don't. - It was wonderful! [laughing]

[Kerry] Long gone, Nat. Besides, think of the story you'll write.

You won't find my article in the bottom of that glass.

- Someone kind, and honest, and ideally... - [man] Honey?

- Are you all right? - [exhales]

maybe you can do something for me in return.

Sure you don't want to stay the night? We're making a gingerbread house.

and I... I want you to make that rugged unicorn notice you, okay?

Baked potato? I've got baked potatoes.

For one, you have very nice eyes.

with my own speech.

Hey, babe. I want to introduce you to my parents.

Do you even climb?

- [Josh] Good morning. - [chuckles]

He loves that shit.