Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

[ENGINE GRINDS]
I can't believe you're gonna pass on this. The man is a goddamn subversive.
[COUGHS]
[FLATLY] Hey, excuse me.
Wash with it, go straight to heaven. Thank you.
Well, tell him I drink so I can be this funny.
When are you gonna teach us to softball?
Or are you normally not that inquisitive?
- Thank you. - Thank you all the same.
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
THIS WILL NOT LOOK GOOD ON A RESUME
Next thing you know, I'm on a fucking truck. What happened?
I thought it was hilarious.
Hey, hey, hey, come on now.
Walkin' in the Wind.
That's a joke, right? I get it.
You will address me as Sergeant Major Dickerson.
always rinse you razor with cold water instead of hot.
I'm sorry, son.
We'd like to welcome you to Vietnam, the country that is more stimulating
Really, and that hair.
GARLICK: Try it again.
Do you really expect me to run this radio station
Humour, I recognise that....
Your going straight to hell for that one!
Goooooood Morning CX Leaders!
Thank you all the same, and...
Oh, it's an order. I n that case, gentlemen, let's edit.
We shoot them.
MAN [ON RADIO]: - Despite a letter of intention.
Most of all, I like what you've done for the men.
- Comedy, sir. - Comedy?
Look, I caught his show on the Isle of Crete, and this guy is funny.
And goddamn it and stupid and crap.
- Okay, that one, okay? - I said that this a very good substitute.
- For three years, he's been trying. - Walter Brennan?
TUAN: Come on. - Okay.
I'm sorry.
WOMAN: Come on.
write to the HSAS Library.
- Hello, I'm William Holden. KIRK: Right here.
It's time for Adrian Cronauer.
World cup Trumps shit show
Cronauer!
GOOOOOOD MORNING ANDRé
What's The O Stand For? Oh, My God, It's Early.
Never fail you. You guys mind if we make an unscheduled stop?
No fraternising with these girls in the memo.
CRONAUER: What do you think you'll do, Ed...
I wanna introduce you to someone right now from my English class.
in connection with several bombings in the area,
Respectfully, sir, the former VP is a good man and a decent man.
Gooooood morning, Vietnam!
Don't you understand, Dick?
Why? Because I have to, it's the Army.
McPHERSON: Wouldn't work on radio, sir. - See, sir?
Shopping for dinner and the things you buy during, uh...
it's for real too long i've waited too long my breath's down to a 6 body in my-- body in my inibatations so long i've waited too long it's for real step down you still say to stepadownadowd town. too long it's for real you said i'm high on the 6 get me drunk feeling on the 6 too long for real
You guys take care of yourself because you all look like,
You a stick man
Speak your piece, Dick.
And whoever says yes, we shoot them.
[AS ROD SERLING] Picture a man going on a journey
CRONAUER: Here's a riddle for you.
I trusted you.
- What are queens? - Tall, thin men who like show tunes.
¿Quieres invertir en un Lote Campestre?
- Is that date firm? - I got it from my niece.
Vee.
Pope Paul VI celebrated a Mass in Italian.
- You teach American thing okay. CRONAUER: Okay.
We only little Vietnamese.
You're on a DC-8 from Tan Son Nhat Airport
Ha, ha. Thank you so much, Adrian.
MAN: To recover contents such as shoes, socks and undergarments.
- You forget the girl. - Oh, I'll let her say no.
are asked to contact Lieutenant Sam Scheer.
of never to be for both the same and another.
Doesn't mean you're like going:
Guam, sir? There's nothing going on in Guam.
This way, this way.
Now, this thing is a delicate balance over here,
I said, who brought in the fucking gook?
Keep going! Keep going!
but this stuff you wrote, it's not funny, sir. It's sad.
I am the authorities, you moron.
This news is not official, airman.
[IN RUSSIAN ACCENT] What the hell was that?
Sir? Do you see anything on this profile indicating an officer?
I can only tell you about how you can talk on maybe the real streets of America.
There's a Puerto Rican waitress.
You see a girl with the type breasts they like and they put her in a fancy car,
I just remain reticent.
CRONAUER: Is that a new rule? GARLICK: No, old rule.
WILKIE: Play game of softball.
Da Nang me Da Nang me
[SPEAKING IN VIETNAMESE]
Joey Bishop. I wish someone would explain this one to me.
Say that.
[SOLDIER] Poontang. [NORMAL] Thank you, Roosevelt.
[SCREAMS]
[NOWHERE TO RUN TO PLAYING]
what it is, what it shall be, what it was.
And I'm stupid enough to save your bullshit life at An Loc.
the softball game between the 133rd and 4th Infantry Divisions
You don't think I can come up with something good?
- No. I'm sorry. - No?
That's nice if you're with a lady, ain't no good if you're in the jungle.
[YELLS] Good morning, Vietnam.
then when you return, I give you a free salad.
Sir? Do you see anything on this profile indicating an officer?
- Are asked to drop a card to Major Gerald Kleiner over at the 5th.
The other 1, 100 calls said that the man can't do comedy to save his dick.
I love a polka as much as the next man
What I mean is in the spirit of the Keystone Kops.
Join the Army and mark things.
Man, he's gonna say goodbye to the whole goddamn country now.
We're out of here.
That's it, eye on the fruit, Minh. Eye on the fruit, on the fruit.
Sparky. Sitting back, having a cup of formaldehyde.
that you paid more than a coloured TV for.
Gooooooood Morning Spastic Slags
DISPATCHER [OVER RADIO]: Four-twenty-seven as far as...
Personal missing luggage...
Mr. Cronauer, we like your lessons better than the book's.
[AS FRENCHY] Lieutenant Steve, let's play some music.
We're back. Here's the news.
TUAN: It's not funny at all, he said.
SOLDIER 15: We love you, man.
by having you write down your name, address,
No, no, no. He made a mistake. We all make mistakes.
Give it a go, give it a go.
Okay, she goes in the kitchen, she gets a knife, she starts stabbing you.
Hey, what kind of news are you leaving me there?
KIRK: Oh, what a dude.
But facts are facts.
Very good. Okay, now we got a special situation right now.
Those we would find acceptable here