Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

what it is, what it shall be, what it was.
You're on a DC-8 from Tan Son Nhat Airport
I love a polka as much as the next man
Well, tell him I drink so I can be this funny.
That's a joke, right? I get it.
[SCREAMS]
- Thank you. - Thank you all the same.
[NOWHERE TO RUN TO PLAYING]
This way, this way.
by having you write down your name, address,
Look, I caught his show on the Isle of Crete, and this guy is funny.
Gooooooood Morning Spastic Slags
[SOLDIER] Poontang. [NORMAL] Thank you, Roosevelt.
[IN RUSSIAN ACCENT] What the hell was that?
- Are asked to drop a card to Major Gerald Kleiner over at the 5th.
We only little Vietnamese.
Personal missing luggage...
The other 1, 100 calls said that the man can't do comedy to save his dick.
WILKIE: Play game of softball.
Da Nang me Da Nang me
I am the authorities, you moron.
You will address me as Sergeant Major Dickerson.
Really, and that hair.
¿Quieres invertir en un Lote Campestre?
Guam, sir? There's nothing going on in Guam.
[INAUDIBLE DIALOGUE]
We're back. Here's the news.
I just remain reticent.
in connection with several bombings in the area,
are asked to contact Lieutenant Sam Scheer.
World cup Trumps shit show
Don't you understand, Dick?
[YELLS] Good morning, Vietnam.
always rinse you razor with cold water instead of hot.
CRONAUER: Here's a riddle for you.
Your going straight to hell for that one!
McPHERSON: Wouldn't work on radio, sir. - See, sir?
- Okay, that one, okay? - I said that this a very good substitute.
I said, who brought in the fucking gook?
Now, this thing is a delicate balance over here,
TUAN: It's not funny at all, he said.
Man, he's gonna say goodbye to the whole goddamn country now.
This news is not official, airman.
What I mean is in the spirit of the Keystone Kops.
Doesn't mean you're like going:
Why? Because I have to, it's the Army.
the softball game between the 133rd and 4th Infantry Divisions
Do you really expect me to run this radio station
THIS WILL NOT LOOK GOOD ON A RESUME
CRONAUER: What do you think you'll do, Ed...
SOLDIER 15: We love you, man.
You see a girl with the type breasts they like and they put her in a fancy car,
You guys take care of yourself because you all look like,
GOOOOOOD MORNING ANDRé
[ENGINE GRINDS]
Never fail you. You guys mind if we make an unscheduled stop?
Sir? Do you see anything on this profile indicating an officer?
[SPEAKING IN VIETNAMESE]
Sir? Do you see anything on this profile indicating an officer?
And goddamn it and stupid and crap.
No, no, no. He made a mistake. We all make mistakes.
Pope Paul VI celebrated a Mass in Italian.
MAN [ON RADIO]: - Despite a letter of intention.
Sparky. Sitting back, having a cup of formaldehyde.
write to the HSAS Library.
- For three years, he's been trying. - Walter Brennan?
That's nice if you're with a lady, ain't no good if you're in the jungle.
- Comedy, sir. - Comedy?
We shoot them.
I thought it was hilarious.
[FLATLY] Hey, excuse me.
Goooooood Morning CX Leaders!
Cronauer!
Hey, what kind of news are you leaving me there?
Speak your piece, Dick.
- You teach American thing okay. CRONAUER: Okay.
Give it a go, give it a go.
Joey Bishop. I wish someone would explain this one to me.
Mr. Cronauer, we like your lessons better than the book's.
Join the Army and mark things.
What's The O Stand For? Oh, My God, It's Early.
WOMAN: Come on.
I can only tell you about how you can talk on maybe the real streets of America.
then when you return, I give you a free salad.
Thank you all the same, and...
MAN: To recover contents such as shoes, socks and undergarments.
Walkin' in the Wind.
of never to be for both the same and another.
[COUGHS]
CRONAUER: Is that a new rule? GARLICK: No, old rule.
Keep going! Keep going!
Next thing you know, I'm on a fucking truck. What happened?
Oh, it's an order. I n that case, gentlemen, let's edit.
Or are you normally not that inquisitive?
Vee.
Ha, ha. Thank you so much, Adrian.
And whoever says yes, we shoot them.
Okay, she goes in the kitchen, she gets a knife, she starts stabbing you.
TUAN: Come on. - Okay.
- What are queens? - Tall, thin men who like show tunes.
KIRK: Oh, what a dude.
Those we would find acceptable here
Humour, I recognise that....
Respectfully, sir, the former VP is a good man and a decent man.
I'm sorry, son.
DISPATCHER [OVER RADIO]: Four-twenty-seven as far as...
GARLICK: Try it again.
but this stuff you wrote, it's not funny, sir. It's sad.
Most of all, I like what you've done for the men.
Very good. Okay, now we got a special situation right now.
- You forget the girl. - Oh, I'll let her say no.
No fraternising with these girls in the memo.
We're out of here.
that you paid more than a coloured TV for.
it's for real too long i've waited too long my breath's down to a 6 body in my-- body in my inibatations so long i've waited too long it's for real step down you still say to stepadownadowd town. too long it's for real you said i'm high on the 6 get me drunk feeling on the 6 too long for real
There's a Puerto Rican waitress.
Say that.
Shopping for dinner and the things you buy during, uh...
- No. I'm sorry. - No?
But facts are facts.
You a stick man
I'm sorry.
Wash with it, go straight to heaven. Thank you.
[AS ROD SERLING] Picture a man going on a journey
Hey, hey, hey, come on now.
And I'm stupid enough to save your bullshit life at An Loc.
- Is that date firm? - I got it from my niece.
[AS FRENCHY] Lieutenant Steve, let's play some music.
I can't believe you're gonna pass on this. The man is a goddamn subversive.
Gooooood morning, Vietnam!
- Hello, I'm William Holden. KIRK: Right here.
We'd like to welcome you to Vietnam, the country that is more stimulating
It's time for Adrian Cronauer.
I trusted you.
You don't think I can come up with something good?
I wanna introduce you to someone right now from my English class.
When are you gonna teach us to softball?
That's it, eye on the fruit, Minh. Eye on the fruit, on the fruit.