Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

No, that doesn't say the right thing. You're right. How about...?

[YELLS] Good morning, Vietnam.

[NORMAL] What's the weather like? [SOLDIER] You got a window.

Now you have to go. It's better off.

Furthermore, you are to stick to playing normal modes of music.

corner of Viet Ho and Hguen Van Theiuh streets here in Saigon.

I'm just going off to Vietnam.

You know, we haven't passed too many checkpoints since Chon Thanh.

- in order to talk to this girl... CRONAUER: Shh! Listen.

[EFFEMINATELY] Nice to have you here. Nice to have you here in Vietnam.

- Mad at me, and he could Al Hirt me.

First, our fashion report from Special Forces Sgt. Ernest Lee Sincere.

No, it means like, Hey, baby, slip me some skin.

[IN NORMAL VOICE] Well, then I guess that would make you an Eydie Gorme.

[IN NORMAL VOICE] That's right. Rise and shine, rise and shine.

Sir, it wouldn't work, I don't think.

Try and find some hidden meaning.

“Little” Stevie Brass On WMSK Radio! Prepare to POLKA YOUR DUPAS OFF!!!

- Why not? - He doesn't play police actions, just wars.

Yes, I have two months to live and I would like to teach before I die.

That's censorship, Edward. That's not what America's all about.

CRONAUER: How would you describe your sex life with your wife, Pat?

That is humour. I recognise that.

- Jump in any time, okay? - We're there.

SOLDIER 7: Peterson, get up here, man. I think we got Cronauer here.

You go, Hey, wait. No, don't tell me, wait, wait.

Gooooood morning, Reiderson!!!!

I don't think seeing your little production of Our Town is gonna cheer me up.

Adrian Cronauer is on temporary assignment

CRONAUER: Under the Boardwalk, you know that one?

She's got spoons in your eyes, Will.

Hi, Earl, good to see you again.

Ask for the books by author, title and subject,

Here's something exciting:

at this present moment.

I call it a jubilee. Actually, it's a Ray Conniff featurette.

If the engine's humming, it's already started.

welcome the silky smooth sound of Airman Adrian Cronauer.

So if you have to be rushed to a hospital,

We're not running in Kansas anymore, Toto. We're not running in Kansas anymore, Toto.

Adrian Cronauer.

Soon, the news. Then...

Hey, George ... eat a bag of shit. you suck.

Look, Italian moon launch.

CRONAUER [YELLS ON TAPE]: Goodbye, Vietnam.

You can be a little... I saw... It's so damn hot.

- You old enough for this place? - I think so.

[SPEAKS IN VIETNAMESE]

We still have a few minutes before your show begins, sir.

I'm saying I'm through, Ed.

[ENGINE GRINDS]

A little conference here, Wilk. A little conference, time-out, everyone.

That was Louis B. Armstrong, the great Satchmo.

Call police, quick.

could not drive in a convertible on highways.

[BICYCLE HORN HONKS]

[YELLS] Good morning, horny people.

When you look like Goliath so like you beware of some David.

MAN: Let's go. MP 1: Come on, get back.

Hey, I like you. I just wanna be your friend, okay?

- Makes me unique, doesn't it? - What a plus.

To tell you, thank you for being so kind.

What's he gonna be like when he's ten times as popular, general?

"Good morning, Vietnam"? What the heck is that supposed to mean?

just say that that kind of music was inappropriate?

the Italian national mountain range.

Can you believe the shape of those gals? Girls.

[IN NORMAL VOICE] Do you think he looks like a negative of Little Richard?

"Your Fly Is Open."

This man has cleaning products shipped in from Wisconsin.

Three, maybe four, back-to-back Ray Conniff classics.

Come on, pal, we'll make it.

(Inaudible dialogue) ♪ I watch them grow ♪ (Inaudible dialogue) ♪ I watch them grow ♪

- God, what time is it, Edward? - It's 5:30.

[SPEAKING IN VIETNAMESE]

CRONAUER: A khaki eclipse. TUAN: I better go now.

You don't believe it's me?

[IN NORMAL VOICE] Hannah, you slut.

He's an exhilarating personality, and polkas are just no substitute.

Well, we originally wanted Bob Hope, but turns out he won't come.

Hey, I'll be... I wanna be your pal. Here, okay, I'll eat it.

That's all I have for you, airman.

Hey, we're going right now to the news.

It's women in comfortable shoes. Thank you.

I think there's an incredible coincidence here.

and operates on an assigned carrier frequency of 540 at 749 megahertz.

[IN NORMAL VOICE] Let's play a little game.

Hi, this is Marty Lee Dreiwitz at Cronauer Control Centre.

[Normal Voice] Gomer, are you here in Vietnam?

No, hot? No, it's fucking great.

And yet this boy can get in and out without a scratch.

[YELLS] You hear me?

We look like a before and after picture. Come on, let me buy you a beer.

What would you do, Will? What would you do?

GARLICK: It's just down the hall. CRONAUER: Yeah.

I screw up once more, Dickerson sends me into the field.

Sir, I really don't think that you wanna use any of those records, sir.

Hey, Cronauer, say, Good morning, Vietnam.

- Transferring me, sir? - Mm-hm.

You go into a restaurant, okay? A waitress comes up to you.

[AS GINA LOLLOBRIGIDA] Look out, I don't see the sun anymore.

carries with it penalties on the stiff side, if you know what I mean.

MAN 1: Yeah, that's right, man. MAN 2: Hurry up, man.

You know, I hate the fact that you people never salute me.

You mad I not trust you, but true, you not trust me.

- Hey, Tuan. - How you doing?

[MIMICS GUNSHOT]

(Inaudible dialogue) ♪ What a wonderful world ♪ (Inaudible dialogue) ♪ What a wonderful world ♪

They're not becoming with a leper. They're not gonna go till they like to go. They're not becoming with a leper. They're not gonna go till they like to go.

And I gotta get on a plane and we have to do with what we can.

My son, the shadow of your ass would weigh 20 pounds.

We are not firing you. The boys are depending on you.

Can you say something funny right this minute?

(Inaudible dialogue) ♪ And I think to myself ♪ (Inaudible dialogue) ♪ And I think to myself ♪

Hey Joey What's up

Former President Eisenhower, actually cartoon character Elmer Fudd.

Gooooood morning Indonesia

I n fact, it's 2 degrees cooler today than yesterday.

She likes the Three Stooges. [AS CURLY] Hey, Moe, hey, Moe.

and thanks so much for joining us.

CRONAUER: Jesus, enough.

is it true that there is a marijuana problem here in Vietnam?

to speak to you on the air.

Mystery Case Files Fate's Carnival

Troy and Abed in the Morning

WILKIE: Hey, teacher.

If you haven't noticed, the Army doesn't really want me, Ed.

My... Ow. Shit.

He look good to me!

Shout by the Isley Brothers, you know that?

I got it. Jerry Vale. He closes the Copa on the 18th.

And, well, comedy is a kind of hobby of mine.

But then do it by using comedy and humour.