Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

Call police, quick.

And I gotta get on a plane and we have to do with what we can.

could not drive in a convertible on highways.

and thanks so much for joining us.

[IN NORMAL VOICE] Well, then I guess that would make you an Eydie Gorme.

GARLICK: It's just down the hall. CRONAUER: Yeah.

- Jump in any time, okay? - We're there.

- in order to talk to this girl... CRONAUER: Shh! Listen.

[IN NORMAL VOICE] Let's play a little game.

(Inaudible dialogue) ♪ I watch them grow ♪ (Inaudible dialogue) ♪ I watch them grow ♪

and operates on an assigned carrier frequency of 540 at 749 megahertz.

“Little” Stevie Brass On WMSK Radio! Prepare to POLKA YOUR DUPAS OFF!!!

Mystery Case Files Fate's Carnival

Troy and Abed in the Morning

We're not running in Kansas anymore, Toto. We're not running in Kansas anymore, Toto.

My son, the shadow of your ass would weigh 20 pounds.

No, it means like, Hey, baby, slip me some skin.

You know, we haven't passed too many checkpoints since Chon Thanh.

CRONAUER [YELLS ON TAPE]: Goodbye, Vietnam.

You mad I not trust you, but true, you not trust me.

MAN: Let's go. MP 1: Come on, get back.

To tell you, thank you for being so kind.

I got it. Jerry Vale. He closes the Copa on the 18th.

Gooooood morning, Reiderson!!!!

Shout by the Isley Brothers, you know that?

Gooooood morning Indonesia

SOLDIER 7: Peterson, get up here, man. I think we got Cronauer here.

Soon, the news. Then...

[YELLS] You hear me?

CRONAUER: Under the Boardwalk, you know that one?

We still have a few minutes before your show begins, sir.

And, well, comedy is a kind of hobby of mine.

Hi, Earl, good to see you again.

So if you have to be rushed to a hospital,

Hey, I like you. I just wanna be your friend, okay?

[MIMICS GUNSHOT]

No, hot? No, it's fucking great.

Try and find some hidden meaning.

You go, Hey, wait. No, don't tell me, wait, wait.

[SPEAKING IN VIETNAMESE]

corner of Viet Ho and Hguen Van Theiuh streets here in Saigon.

Look, Italian moon launch.

[ENGINE GRINDS]

Three, maybe four, back-to-back Ray Conniff classics.

at this present moment.

He look good to me!

[BICYCLE HORN HONKS]

[IN NORMAL VOICE] That's right. Rise and shine, rise and shine.

It's women in comfortable shoes. Thank you.

I call it a jubilee. Actually, it's a Ray Conniff featurette.

Furthermore, you are to stick to playing normal modes of music.

- Why not? - He doesn't play police actions, just wars.

If the engine's humming, it's already started.

Adrian Cronauer is on temporary assignment

CRONAUER: A khaki eclipse. TUAN: I better go now.

(Inaudible dialogue) ♪ What a wonderful world ♪ (Inaudible dialogue) ♪ What a wonderful world ♪

CRONAUER: How would you describe your sex life with your wife, Pat?

She likes the Three Stooges. [AS CURLY] Hey, Moe, hey, Moe.

is it true that there is a marijuana problem here in Vietnam?

And yet this boy can get in and out without a scratch.

- God, what time is it, Edward? - It's 5:30.

[YELLS] Good morning, Vietnam.

(Inaudible dialogue) ♪ And I think to myself ♪ (Inaudible dialogue) ♪ And I think to myself ♪

[YELLS] Good morning, horny people.

- Mad at me, and he could Al Hirt me.

This man has cleaning products shipped in from Wisconsin.

We look like a before and after picture. Come on, let me buy you a beer.

[EFFEMINATELY] Nice to have you here. Nice to have you here in Vietnam.

But then do it by using comedy and humour.

Now you have to go. It's better off.

You can be a little... I saw... It's so damn hot.

We are not firing you. The boys are depending on you.

When you look like Goliath so like you beware of some David.

What's he gonna be like when he's ten times as popular, general?

That's censorship, Edward. That's not what America's all about.

Sir, it wouldn't work, I don't think.

Hey, George ... eat a bag of shit. you suck.

just say that that kind of music was inappropriate?

Hey, Cronauer, say, Good morning, Vietnam.

[SPEAKS IN VIETNAMESE]

[Normal Voice] Gomer, are you here in Vietnam?

to speak to you on the air.

Hey, we're going right now to the news.

Hi, this is Marty Lee Dreiwitz at Cronauer Control Centre.

They're not becoming with a leper. They're not gonna go till they like to go. They're not becoming with a leper. They're not gonna go till they like to go.

He's an exhilarating personality, and polkas are just no substitute.

I'm just going off to Vietnam.

[NORMAL] What's the weather like? [SOLDIER] You got a window.

What would you do, Will? What would you do?

Adrian Cronauer.

Ask for the books by author, title and subject,

Can you believe the shape of those gals? Girls.

CRONAUER: Jesus, enough.

I n fact, it's 2 degrees cooler today than yesterday.

Hey, I'll be... I wanna be your pal. Here, okay, I'll eat it.

I screw up once more, Dickerson sends me into the field.

- Transferring me, sir? - Mm-hm.

Here's something exciting:

Hey Joey What's up

Former President Eisenhower, actually cartoon character Elmer Fudd.

- Hey, Tuan. - How you doing?

[IN NORMAL VOICE] Hannah, you slut.

I think there's an incredible coincidence here.

welcome the silky smooth sound of Airman Adrian Cronauer.

Can you say something funny right this minute?

- You old enough for this place? - I think so.

My... Ow. Shit.

First, our fashion report from Special Forces Sgt. Ernest Lee Sincere.

No, that doesn't say the right thing. You're right. How about...?

Well, we originally wanted Bob Hope, but turns out he won't come.

That's all I have for you, airman.

You go into a restaurant, okay? A waitress comes up to you.

If you haven't noticed, the Army doesn't really want me, Ed.

carries with it penalties on the stiff side, if you know what I mean.

That was Louis B. Armstrong, the great Satchmo.

- Makes me unique, doesn't it? - What a plus.

[AS GINA LOLLOBRIGIDA] Look out, I don't see the sun anymore.

"Good morning, Vietnam"? What the heck is that supposed to mean?

I'm saying I'm through, Ed.

[IN NORMAL VOICE] Do you think he looks like a negative of Little Richard?

You don't believe it's me?

A little conference here, Wilk. A little conference, time-out, everyone.

the Italian national mountain range.

That is humour. I recognise that.

I don't think seeing your little production of Our Town is gonna cheer me up.

WILKIE: Hey, teacher.

Sir, I really don't think that you wanna use any of those records, sir.

Come on, pal, we'll make it.

MAN 1: Yeah, that's right, man. MAN 2: Hurry up, man.

You know, I hate the fact that you people never salute me.

Yes, I have two months to live and I would like to teach before I die.

She's got spoons in your eyes, Will.

"Your Fly Is Open."