Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

Keep your eye on the fruit.

Uh, look what you did.

Well, you see, I'm not used to going on a date with a grand jury,

[CHUCKLING SOFTLY]

Oh, girls, girls, come on over. Your loss.

How's the boat?

- I thought I'd come and help smooth... - Don't help and don't smooth.

I trust you, man, it's just that I can't eat something that looks like a cesspool.

Goooooood morning MDU!

You better stay cool. You better not get involved in anything.

Good Morning Bielefeld

Antics, damn it. Comedy of errors, like the Keystone Kops falling down.

[IN NORMAL VOICE] Gina Lollobrigida has been declared

Don't try to do comedy. It's not in your blood.

[AS HANOI HANNAH] Oh, Adrian, Adrian. What are you doing, Adrian?

You could fly to Guam with those.

How do we know it's Adrian Cronauer?

I want to turn in the ball to the original place.

Set me free Why don't you, babe?

[POLKA MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO]

Look, up there. Pull.

Andy Williams, Perry Como and certain ballads by Mr. Frank Sinatra.

MAN 3: All right.

[IN NORMAL VOICE] Well, what do you use to look for them?

Been harassing me since the day I got off the plane.

Are you planning, sir, to take some of the marijuana back to the United States?

(Inaudible dialogue) ♪ The bright blessed day ♪ (Inaudible dialogue) ♪ The bright blessed day ♪

Gambia, Singapore and the Maldive Islands join the United Nations.

- What'd she just say? - She said no, sir.

Booger Hook Nazi's be like.

Why do I feel like the miracle worker up here?

First of all, don't make fun of the weather here.

He lugs a trainload of shit behind him that would fertilise the Sinai.

nothing actually happened.

Former VP Richard Nixon will arrive here this week.

I'll burn you so bad you'll wish you died as a child.

That's a direct quote, sir

You'll be bored, you know.

[IN NORMAL VOICE] No. No, come on.

- Where you from? WILKES: New York.

[AS MISTER ED] Wilbur, come in the room.

Pardon me, girls?

That's a direct quote, sir.

And who gave anyone permission to program modern music?

Don't build him up. You'll let them down.

[IN NORMAL VOICE] Hey, that's it for me. That's the end of the Adrian Cron-Hour,

but what about the silent masses who do?

The leaves, they fall upon the helmets, says yes to me.

I n the dictionary, under asshole, it says, See him.

Sergeant Major Dickerson, ha, that's another story altogether.

I ncidentally, you're on the air in about ten seconds.

CRONAUER: Thank you. - Hey.

- Come on. - Come on.

And there's a man who's screaming out to be made fun of.

- Would Pussy or cunt be out of line? - Way, way, way out of line.

[SINGING AS ETHEL MERMAN] Oh, I've got a feeling

- The former VP will be here on Friday. GARLICK: Ha-ha-ha.

E.g., Hey, Hauk, eat a bag of shit. You suck.

WOMAN: Levitan.

Here you go, there you go. Hey, got one? For you.

Negative, sir. It is not.

I think the troops are trying to tell us something, fellas.

Shape of the blue.

[MUTTERS INDISTINCTLY AS HELEN KELLER]

How come I don't get one?

No wonder you hauled ass.

Good Morning Vietnam

They're starting to cut you with knives, putting spoons in your eyes.

Help me get some photo of those ankle, I give you my bar!

- It did happen... - You shut your mouth.

Why not? I got a great personality, you ask anybody.

You go in the jungle, make a statement. If you’re going to fight, clash!

with a glass of cappuccino coffee?

Sir? Do you see anything on this uniform indicating an officer?

I've got pages and pages of great material.

Oh, my bar! Why? Who do that?

You don't win the case of fish balls and lizard testicles.

You could fly to Guam with those.

My God, it's Mardi gras, and I'm on the main float.

There's actually no rubber on these tyres.

THIS WILL NOT LOOK GOOD ON A RESUME

Now you say hi to me, then you smile.

I'm pretty sure you can step on crap. I once saw it in a French movie.

Friends of Phan Duc Tho.

Hey, I'll take whatever you can give because I'm just happy to be with you.

- Terrible, that's terrible. - Those are gorgeous gals.

And now here are the headlines.

to have a man under my command start a fucking bar brawl?

DISPATCHER [OVER RADIO]: Fire 4, there's a fire in the landing

Good Morning E-Commerce

- There you are, sir. - Please, don't call me sir.

[AS GLINDA] Oh, no, don't go in there.

Let's play this backwards and see if it gets any better.

I'd like you to collate these one-minute spots prior to broadcast.

(singing What A Wonderful World) ♪ Oh, yeah. ♪ (singing What A Wonderful World) ♪ Oh, yeah. ♪

Okay, I'll give her the best shot.

What a country. Heat, humidity, terrorism.

You got me, bang. But, hey, I like the class, so I'm gonna stay.

Boston. You know who sang the song My Guy?

[I GOT YOU (I FEEL GOOD) PLAYING ON RADIO]

We not the enemy. You the enemy.

KIRK [ON RADIO]: Shuffle Off to Buffalo, The Sidewalks of New York.

Is it me or is Jimmy light in the loafers?

Get a job. Right. We got it, you're cooking now.

Why you still here?

For me, I want to do something different.

[IN BRITISH ACCENT] Well, you carry on, Montesque.

You go in the jungle, make a statement. If you're going to fight, clash.

Didn't you ever wonder why you were pulled out

SERGEANT: Left, left, left, right, left.

That funky music will drive us till the dawn.

[SONG PLAYING AT HALF-SPEED]

- Good afternoon, class. STUDENTS: Good afternoon, Mr. Sloan.

It's going to be an exciting day of listening and learning,

I don't know, lieutenant. I guess it means good morning, uh, Vietnam.

That's stupid, you don't call someone crap.

Oh you’re going straight to hell for that one

WOMAN: I love you.

- Sorry. HAUK: Thanks.

I n your shopping trip.

I'm not going on.

I saw one of those guys, their orange robes, burst into flames.

I have never ever, in my travels, come across a man as large as you

[MIMICS TELETYPE MACHINE]

What's the weather like out there? It’s hot, damn hot, real hot

[ENGINE TURNING]

I'm not gonna cover for you this time, son.

You'll stay here and drink instant beverage or something.

- That road is Victor-Charlie, sir. - It is definitely not a friendly area.

[IN NORMAL VOICE] Yes, have you used any?

Bullshit. I know Nixon personally.

but I'm gonna turn you over right now to Mr. Excitement.

- All right. - Yeah.

[SINGING AS ELVIS PRESLEY] Viva Da Nang, oh, viva Da Nang

It's a bathing cap. I just like to put a bathing cap.

She's stabbing you. She's putting forks in you.

Let's try a very special situation. Wilkie, something special, okay?

Thank you for your support. Now I've got a show to do.

Yes, sir. I run this show, general.

The Armed Forces sincerely regrets any inconvenience

Okay, let's take one more ball here.

Let’s boogaloo

You used me to kill two people. Two people died in that fucking bar.

Good morning, Crossfire

Heavily fortified and considered very unsafe, sir.

Let's try a little phrase, uh, I like to call:

You're actually too close to some of the nerve agents they were testing?

and they buy her some expensive food, and then lie about money.