Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

It's a bathing cap. I just like to put a bathing cap.

And now here are the headlines.

Shape of the blue.

Let's play this backwards and see if it gets any better.

[IN BRITISH ACCENT] Well, you carry on, Montesque.

[IN NORMAL VOICE] Well, what do you use to look for them?

I don't know, lieutenant. I guess it means good morning, uh, Vietnam.

Is it me or is Jimmy light in the loafers?

- I thought I'd come and help smooth... - Don't help and don't smooth.

nothing actually happened.

Let's try a very special situation. Wilkie, something special, okay?

[IN NORMAL VOICE] Gina Lollobrigida has been declared

She's stabbing you. She's putting forks in you.

Antics, damn it. Comedy of errors, like the Keystone Kops falling down.

Are you planning, sir, to take some of the marijuana back to the United States?

- Come on. - Come on.

I'm not going on.

DISPATCHER [OVER RADIO]: Fire 4, there's a fire in the landing

I'm pretty sure you can step on crap. I once saw it in a French movie.

You go in the jungle, make a statement. If you're going to fight, clash.

MAN 3: All right.

but what about the silent masses who do?

[IN NORMAL VOICE] Yes, have you used any?

You'll be bored, you know.

The Armed Forces sincerely regrets any inconvenience

[SINGING AS ETHEL MERMAN] Oh, I've got a feeling

- All right. - Yeah.

Yes, sir. I run this show, general.

Okay, let's take one more ball here.

Oh you’re going straight to hell for that one

No wonder you hauled ass.

You go in the jungle, make a statement. If you’re going to fight, clash!

And there's a man who's screaming out to be made fun of.

Why you still here?

The leaves, they fall upon the helmets, says yes to me.

We not the enemy. You the enemy.

[I GOT YOU (I FEEL GOOD) PLAYING ON RADIO]

How's the boat?

That's a direct quote, sir

Let's try a little phrase, uh, I like to call:

You better stay cool. You better not get involved in anything.

Negative, sir. It is not.

Bullshit. I know Nixon personally.

E.g., Hey, Hauk, eat a bag of shit. You suck.

I trust you, man, it's just that I can't eat something that looks like a cesspool.

WOMAN: I love you.

I've got pages and pages of great material.

How do we know it's Adrian Cronauer?

I think the troops are trying to tell us something, fellas.

I ncidentally, you're on the air in about ten seconds.

I'd like you to collate these one-minute spots prior to broadcast.

[CHUCKLING SOFTLY]

Don't build him up. You'll let them down.

Good morning, Crossfire

to have a man under my command start a fucking bar brawl?

- Good afternoon, class. STUDENTS: Good afternoon, Mr. Sloan.

You could fly to Guam with those.

[MIMICS TELETYPE MACHINE]

Friends of Phan Duc Tho.

First of all, don't make fun of the weather here.

Pardon me, girls?

How come I don't get one?

[IN NORMAL VOICE] No. No, come on.

Been harassing me since the day I got off the plane.

- Where you from? WILKES: New York.

Andy Williams, Perry Como and certain ballads by Mr. Frank Sinatra.

(singing What A Wonderful World) ♪ Oh, yeah. ♪ (singing What A Wonderful World) ♪ Oh, yeah. ♪

I saw one of those guys, their orange robes, burst into flames.

- That road is Victor-Charlie, sir. - It is definitely not a friendly area.

That's stupid, you don't call someone crap.

Oh, my bar! Why? Who do that?

What a country. Heat, humidity, terrorism.

and they buy her some expensive food, and then lie about money.

Boston. You know who sang the song My Guy?

Former VP Richard Nixon will arrive here this week.

[POLKA MUSIC PLAYING ON RADIO]

KIRK [ON RADIO]: Shuffle Off to Buffalo, The Sidewalks of New York.

Get a job. Right. We got it, you're cooking now.

Help me get some photo of those ankle, I give you my bar!

I have never ever, in my travels, come across a man as large as you

Don't try to do comedy. It's not in your blood.

Okay, I'll give her the best shot.

Oh, girls, girls, come on over. Your loss.

Goooooood morning MDU!

- It did happen... - You shut your mouth.

Good Morning Bielefeld

I'm not gonna cover for you this time, son.

You'll stay here and drink instant beverage or something.

Booger Hook Nazi's be like.

[AS MISTER ED] Wilbur, come in the room.

That funky music will drive us till the dawn.

- Sorry. HAUK: Thanks.

Hey, I'll take whatever you can give because I'm just happy to be with you.

You're actually too close to some of the nerve agents they were testing?

Here you go, there you go. Hey, got one? For you.

WOMAN: Levitan.

- The former VP will be here on Friday. GARLICK: Ha-ha-ha.

with a glass of cappuccino coffee?

Good Morning E-Commerce

Look, up there. Pull.

[SONG PLAYING AT HALF-SPEED]

Sergeant Major Dickerson, ha, that's another story altogether.

SERGEANT: Left, left, left, right, left.

You don't win the case of fish balls and lizard testicles.

Sir? Do you see anything on this uniform indicating an officer?

Keep your eye on the fruit.

[ENGINE TURNING]

[AS HANOI HANNAH] Oh, Adrian, Adrian. What are you doing, Adrian?

You could fly to Guam with those.

You used me to kill two people. Two people died in that fucking bar.

Didn't you ever wonder why you were pulled out

- There you are, sir. - Please, don't call me sir.

- What'd she just say? - She said no, sir.

That's a direct quote, sir.

My God, it's Mardi gras, and I'm on the main float.

It's going to be an exciting day of listening and learning,

(Inaudible dialogue) ♪ The bright blessed day ♪ (Inaudible dialogue) ♪ The bright blessed day ♪

Now you say hi to me, then you smile.

For me, I want to do something different.

THIS WILL NOT LOOK GOOD ON A RESUME

CRONAUER: Thank you. - Hey.

I want to turn in the ball to the original place.

Heavily fortified and considered very unsafe, sir.

I n the dictionary, under asshole, it says, See him.

- Would Pussy or cunt be out of line? - Way, way, way out of line.

What's the weather like out there? It’s hot, damn hot, real hot

Let’s boogaloo

Why not? I got a great personality, you ask anybody.

[MUTTERS INDISTINCTLY AS HELEN KELLER]

Set me free Why don't you, babe?

Uh, look what you did.

Well, you see, I'm not used to going on a date with a grand jury,

There's actually no rubber on these tyres.

[AS GLINDA] Oh, no, don't go in there.

Gambia, Singapore and the Maldive Islands join the United Nations.

[IN NORMAL VOICE] Hey, that's it for me. That's the end of the Adrian Cron-Hour,

I'll burn you so bad you'll wish you died as a child.

Thank you for your support. Now I've got a show to do.

Why do I feel like the miracle worker up here?

[SINGING AS ELVIS PRESLEY] Viva Da Nang, oh, viva Da Nang

And who gave anyone permission to program modern music?

You got me, bang. But, hey, I like the class, so I'm gonna stay.

- Terrible, that's terrible. - Those are gorgeous gals.

but I'm gonna turn you over right now to Mr. Excitement.

I n your shopping trip.

Good Morning Vietnam

They're starting to cut you with knives, putting spoons in your eyes.

He lugs a trainload of shit behind him that would fertilise the Sinai.