Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

(news anchor) There was some research done saying more and more people
We have a great show for you tonight, so without any further ado...
The good news is, all the computer voting systems installed in polling stations remained secure.
- Because I need it to stay awake. - Do you have any green tea?
- Did that hurt? - Yeah. Yeah.
I think we can do it. I know we can do it.
That reception was extraordinary. I will try and be brief, 'cause I know Tuesday's bingo day in Congress.
The following is a quote from our debate advisory standards:
- Or maybe helium, 'cause if you have a helium car... - (applause)
Yes. That's how I knew that she was a Delacroy employee and that she was fired.
I notice many of you with little cellphones. Soon they'll get so small they'll just be inside...
- (news anchor) And Indiana goes to Dobbs. - (cheering)
- But you have your own TV show. - But on the show I ask the questions.
Our political leaders are too indebted to special-interest groups and party politics.
I mean, where's the hanging chad?
- Can I get a refund? - We will continue.
- I have to talk to you in private. - Now?
- How so? - TV scares me. It makes everything seem credible.
So I'll share the big scoop with you, 'cause, uh, Oprah was booked.
Oh!
Um...
- I'm a producer. I've produced a lot of turkeys. - Yes, you have.
But you were voting for change, for the sake of change.
He did make some issues come home to people, and if he could actually follow through,
Maybe it was sheer vanity, maybe it was a political stunt,
- (host) Yeah, there are two of them. - All right.
- So this is all part of the same computer error? - Yes.
Did you meet with her personally?
Jack, you're the manager of the President of the United States.
(Tom) I've read a lot of Op-Ed pieces recently saying that Tom Dobbs doesn't talk about the issues.
- Pull over. - We are a family at Delacroy.
First of all, we don't cluck, we gobble, OK? And if it's not such a big deal, why don't you be the turkey?
Yes, I thought he was really hot.
We'd be in the Senate with our suits on, and if you're backed by something,
(# They Can't Take That Away From Me)
All right, I'll try. I'll look in my GPS or something.
- You'll have your turn, Mr. Dobbs. - Sorry.
Because I haven't been...
It's hard to believe it's a year since we've gathered together,
The free world will now be led by a comedian.
Come on, where's the conspiracy in that? None, really.
If you find any other nonsense you'd like to talk about, I'll be glad to discuss it.
With 99% of the vote in, comedian Tom Dobbs has won Texas.
basically anonymous, but politicians are a lot like diapers.
- How long have you been smoking? - Since I was seven.
(overlapping voices continue)
there's no problem.
Today I was in the Oval Office on a preparatory meeting
She didn't seem that crazy.
Some big story, something to do with Eleanor Green.
- They love him. - Yeah, it's working like a charm.
You can have a hard-on, but you can't see where to put it.
but to me this decision is a slam dunk.
- (groans) - Let's get you to the hospital.
These politicians today look like they're borrowed from the wax museum.
Not for me.
Yes, first opportunity I get I'll pick her up, bring her to the airport.
Oh... shit.
To Jack Menken, an incredible human being.
Now we got applause. This is wonderful.
- You want me to be the turkey? - Yeah, come on.
She warned the chief executive of Delacroy, James Hemmings,
I took a poll, and one third of Congressmen and women thought this was still the present fashion.
Forget trying to be presidential. You end up looking like them - another stiff in a suit.
(scattered laughter)
They should be changed frequently and for the same reason. Keep that in mind when you vote. Good night.
- It's my middle name. - Compassion.
Eleanor? Hold on.
Whatever the hell happened, we'll never know for sure.
I decided to run because I'm fed up with party politics.
(woman) Ellie? Do you want me to get some help?
Yeah, I'm euphoric, he thinks he screwed up!
because it is the future that interests us.
This is where I belong, with folks like you, finding the funk in dysfunctional.
(TV) Voter confusion...
Eleanor Green, FBI.
Take a look at this. Take a look at this. Perfect, just perfect.
Everybody Loves Raymond is doing huge numbers in reruns.
More and more people are watching your show, Jon Stewart, Bill Maher for news.