Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

Our exit polls have only in some cases proven accurate.

(host) Yeah, there are two of them. Got almost $3,000 in that kitty.

Her motives aren't quite clear to us,

- Anyway, happy birthday again. - Again? Did another year just pass?

There are no red and blue states, there's only the United States of America. That's what we're about.

If this is a debate, you should answer questions honestly.

- But it's my mess! It's my mess and I'll clean it up. - OK.

Yeah. Besides, Secret Service already flagged you and I said you were OK.

but Kellogg trumps him with double G's and you trump him with double B's.

You guys have a fight?

That will surprise more than a few of the experts.

We are, my friend, in uncharted waters.

You're running because the people wanted you to run.

At 7 p.m. Tom Dobbs, who had a successful cable show featuring political comedy,

Based on what? Guessing. Listen, this is your project, Eleanor.

It'd be fun to think about what they're doing behind closed doors.

- I guess we both have a problem in that area. - Yeah. Yeah.

- I did not have sex with that woman. - (laughter)

I know it's the right thing to do, so why do I feel like this?

If Mama Cass had shared a sandwich with Karen Carpenter, they both would be alive today.

- My mess. - (woman) Can someone call 911?

You gotta cut loose. In this debate, get your show attitude in there.

The bottom line is, they've lost track of what they're responsible for.

- There's a lot to discuss here. - Yeah. I think...

He's talking about hydrogen fuel. He wants an amendment to the Constitution on flag-burning.

'Cause we're gonna go real, girl. But here's the deal. A lot of you voted for me, or at least some of you.

Well, I don't know if she's enrolled in the program, I'll tell you that.

They have to deal with oil companies, chemical companies, drug companies, and they owe them.

Well, it was a small cutback, actually.

Well, yeah. He sounds different. That's why they can hear him.

I definitely was, yes. I did inhale, because I thought, What the hell? I'll inhale it.

You didn't tell him, did you? I mean...

for computerized voting in the coming presidential election.

Education, healthcare, environmental issues.

We deal in weapons of mass distraction. They push your buttons.

In the bowels of the building, something else was about to take place.

Good night, Danny.

The Statue of Liberty says, Give me your tired, your poor,

we can have a sense of humor about ourselves. We have to.

What do you mean? How?

That was part one of the unusual progression of events.

I mean, I don't know. Look, I don't know.

Why did you tell him?

There seems to be a link between smoking and heart disease. Or am I just making that up?

I didn't tell him. He's just making a joke. We'll talk about it later, honestly. It's OK.

- Do it. - Why?

- You don't believe her, do you? - I do. It's true.

I know it's ironic I'm talking like I'm concerned. I don't even vote.

What? Are you calling me a liar?

It's been a pleasure, Mr. President. Thank you.

- Hey, Angus. Cappuccino. - Can't you see he's busy getting mine right now?

And in the process, people get neglected.

- That's not why I'm here. - That's all right. This is my personal cell.

They're just trying to pay you off.

While President Kellogg and Senator Mills

- You realize that's what it is for us. We're like cats. - (laughter)

(mumbles) Double B... double L... double G.

Over eight million emails.

I guess that absolves you of any conspiratorial thing that you fixed the election.

And here's the real question: it's like, if that's not why, what is the real answer?

Tom Dobbs has not spent one cent.

You're either getting on that plane or not.

Richard Pryor in his prime, or Kofi Annan, the head of the U.N.?

- I didn't win? - Not even close.

...compared to a network show, he has been extremely influential in some smaller circles.

I'll remember this, ladies and gentlemen. It's an old phrase,

OK? And, Tom, with all due respect, how are you gonna come off as family-friendly?

Well, Tina, I have just one question: is this a face that a woman would be obsessed with?

Deep drill, you know? Get down in the mud and take it home, daddy. That's how I feel.

- A little bit of a tan. - Thanks. I went to a tanning salon.

Um... do they have listening devices?

- Are you all right? - No!

I... I just want to be truthful.

On one side there's this certifiable lunatic who says the Holocaust never happened.

they bring up a constitutional amendment to ban burning of the flag.

There's a plane there. We'll get on that plane, I'll take you to New York and we'll solve your problem. OK?

I-I'll call you tomorrow, OK?

Pretty much the bottom line. If I was in Italy I might get lucky.

Forensic scientists say they have recreated George Washington as he looked at age 19,

Well, apparently it is, 'cause this is taking forever.

Maybe Tom Dobbs had something to do with it. Who knows?

Eleanor, tomorrow at 11 o'clock I'm gonna have a press conference

- Oh, staffing up? No, that's not what I meant. - OK.

There's no pop, zing. There's no oomph.

eventually you get to an immigration officer who takes your passport.

- Press conference set up? - Uh, yeah. What the hell's going on?

- She said it made the sex with me more bearable. - Eleanor didn't do drugs.

My name is Miss Sogyny.

A Malaysian man, famous for pulling planes and buses with his hair,

to the level of undisciplined behavior Tom Dobbs exhibited.

That's weird. She doesn't seem like the type.

- Cappuccino? - Yes. Thanks.

- No problem? - We move on.

Also, remember the best birth control, ladies. The best birth control and the cheapest is simply this.

That being said, if I had my druthers, I'd love an all-lesbian cabinet.

(Tina) A report suggests that more species of birds mate for life than previously believed,

(man) This is what we got going on today.

Now, the FBI cleared up any suspicion that you knew Eleanor Green before the election.