Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

You're off the hook in terms of being involved in any attempt to fix the election.

- Tom, we've gotta get to Saturday Night Live. - There's time.

It was a lot of guys in Boston going, Here's your tea, right here!

Tom Dobbs has been gaining momentum since the debate.

Listen. We're staffing up right now and...

Well, Menken thinks it's for the best. No sense postponing the inevitable.

should be included in debates. Unquote.

Hey, pick up a couple of cartons of cigarettes for Menken. They're cheaper on the road.

comedian Tom Dobbs is leading.

Excuse me, Mr. President.

You don't find this a little bit absurd?

That's where most of the money goes in any political campaign.

In hindsight, not one of their better decisions.

- It doesn't bother me. - I hate to interrupt,

But even in the face of tyranny there is comedy. Two old Jews were sent to kill Hitler.

(press corps shouting)

How many of you think the educational system is working?

President-elect Tom Dobbs paid an impromptu visit to Congress

I'm just here just making sure everything's secured.

Look at the human body. Is it intelligent? I find it more interesting.

I had an ex who used to do enough tranquillizers to put a flock of sheep to sleep.

I don't know. I don't know where I am. It's dark, there's a factory,

- Hi. I'm Amy Poehler. - I'm Tina Fey. And here are tonight's top stories.

- How about Virginia? - Virginia's OK, but Debbie... Such a slut!

- Come on. - (Jack) Tom, go for it.

And very early tomorrow morning.

But NASA actually spent $28 million

I like a dirty environment, if you know what I mean.

that this not a scheduled visit, it is not on the docket for today, it's not really official,

It's a pretty closed-up system, and it's gonna move up quickly...

Mr. Dobbs, how would you explain your decision to run for President of the United States?

Next thing you know they have to deal with the special interests,

Oh, shit. Why does he have to get himself into this mess?

- (Tom) Thank you for picking that one up. - Where's he going with this?

Oh, no. No, no, no. I don't have a drug problem.

- Do it. - (Tom) Some of these measures are already tough.

You touched my things. What is wrong with you?

It's a little too late now.

Look, Tom, I don't know what to do... Hello?

(Eddie chuckles)

Don't get off track.

- What do you think I'm unhappy about? - You agreed to play the turkey.

You'll get a more interesting cross section than the folks you got right now. I guarantee it.

Remember the motto It's no joke? It's no joke!

We've never run a configuration like this ballot, so I thought I'd give it a test drive.

We're talking about freedom of speech. And freedom of religion -

You're a good candidate, Tom - as loony as that seems - but... (groans)

Shouldn't you be giving that up?

but what we've seen since then is that the public apparently sees him as a candidate for change.

How plausible is it that a woman would fix an election because she's obsessed with me?

It's alphabetical.

- Do you want a better healthcare system? - (cheering)

(Eleanor) Yeah?

Everything they say seems credible. And so, as it goes on, nothing seems credible anymore.

Because it's a great opportunity. Say you were blinded by love, you didn't know she was popping pills.

You have a busy schedule. Keep your head in that. Period.

He's so sensitive, someone once asked, What do you think of gay marriage?

I got a promotion. They're sending me to Ireland.

Can you go see Tom right away? He thinks he screwed up.

(Mathias) This is a meet-and-greet, nothing more.

Recently, a lot of the past administrations said it's unpatriotic to question the government.

But the results of the election will be wrong! One candidate will win because of computer error.

- You want me to be the turkey? - Yeah.

- She had to be hospitalized. - No, she didn't mention that.

- for tonight's 90-minute debate which is coming... - Cute.

Did you know there were once ads

I am in total agreement, without equivocation,

Yes, sir. I'm in her hotel now.

I made a mess. I've made a mess.

there are roughly 7-8,000 slots to be filled, 1500 of which will require Senate confirmation.

They thought I was wild in the debate? Watch me in the next two weeks.

- Yes. - How do you turn the music down?

I think she may have figured out the glitch.

That's my ex-wife, who I am not on good terms with. I just farted a little while back there.