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Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips
We would have kept this private, but additional facts concerning Miss Green have come to light.
- It's all about distractions! - Mr. Dobbs...
- Tom, I can't! - Why?
Good point. But this wasn't just funny in the abstract,
No, but he should know, don't you think?
...Tom Dobbs!
- Have you looked at these numbers? - Yeah. Yeah.
And that's why I have been a very rigorous advocate of tough security measures.
and he said, I think gays have a right to be just as miserable as the rest of us.
What?
The bottom line is Eleanor Green came to me and told me
It's going to be difficult to assess how the American public will respond
(Danny) Oh, shit. Look what you did.
- did you vote for me? - No.
The first time I sat behind it, I had a sort of nervous chill.
It's too much of a lead-in. Just the punch line.
(under breath) Didn't realize you were such a bitch.
The next thing you know, they're patting down an 85-year-old lady in a walker.
- No, this is someone else. - Who?
it was very pointed and very to the point.
I mean, OK, I don't know you. I mean, I know you...
and definitely not lobbyists.
is that fiction needs to be credible.
I got a chance to meet him. Dobbs.
- I don't do drugs. - Cocaine...
"- It's Forever. - Hold Your Horses."
Please. It's all right. He's only annoying when he's happy.
There has been one serious injury. Police have identified the injured woman as an Eleanor Green.
Just fine.
- James Hemmings. - James. Tom Dobbs, president-elect.
I gotta play my game.
- Oh, my God! - We'll have to start writing.
(Jack) Who gives a shit what talking heads think? Different is good.
Danny, I told him.
You see, Mills and Kellogg both have double L's,
Ellie, whatever your problem is...
and lack of accountability.
We have to announce 14 cabinet secretary positions, or at least float some of your possible choices.
Thank you.
- She was trying to tell me something. - It was snowing.
- Thank you. - You sure you don't want one of us to drive?
As word spread quickly, more and more members of Congress left their offices
She knows a lot about computers. More than you ever wanna know, really.
That's from our new book, One Night in Paris.
Oh, no. I have a glorious love-hate relationship with TV.
but let me make this clear - we are not suggesting any impropriety on behalf of the president-elect.
They're called the Witches of November. A storm from the Great Lakes.
They're connected with Delacroy. I think they know I broke the code.
It's an emotional issue! They talk about the desecration of the flag,
- No, it's good. - Well, he told me about your drug problem and...
Or did you fly in in that lovely helium plane? Oh, that's a blimp, I'm sorry.
How do you answer the allegations that you were arrested for smoking marijuana?
Double G's before double L's.
I guess it was pleasure. It was a vacation. I'm sorry, I took a vacation! I don't know why.
So, we all saw you in Congress in that outfit the other day - that was quite flattering.
Good evening. Welcome to this last presidential debate
- Do you think anybody'll believe you? - Sure. Why not?
- My cellphone died and some guy is after me. - I thought two guys were after you.
Police said a truck lost control.
put on music that I liked,
You gotta go to makeup, Tom.
Oh, for God's sake.
It's his emphysema. He has a problem with the enlargement of his heart, but he's stable.
- She hasn't called me either. - Well, you never know with females.
You can't just say it didn't happen.
- Are you tired of a Congress that does nothing? - (cheering)
Take your seats, please. Tom Dobbs will speak to you before the show.
If everything seems credible, nothing seems credible.
He's dead. Let's go round them up.
I'm gonna talk this over with Menken. Come on, I want you with me. Come with me.
Uh, Tom, the doctors say that Jack's pretty weak, so he could doze off before all the results are in.
I don't know where I am.
Really? Why?
(click)
- (high voice) I learnt to read. - (laughter)
So what do you make of this woman's obsession with you?
and definitely don't put your faith in a machine that has less controls than a Vegas slot machine.
(reporters firing questions)
We have an extensive healthcare program.
It'll take 30 years to develop. Meanwhile, we haven't got any more fuel efficiency.
more than from newspapers and actual news programs.
They're very tough about that. They're very skeptical.
This is our night to shine, Tom. This is the opportunity of a lifetime.
The president-elect's just been shot.
Yes, my name is Rachel Tensions.
I'm not just a tree-hugger, I'm an air-breather. I'm sorry.
(Hemmings) I'm surprised she's there. She should be in drug rehab.
(host) Yeah, two N's. That'll get you on the board with $1800.
- Ready for your piña colonic? - What are you doing here?
Lovely. Thank you.
it's Weekend Update with Tina Fey and Amy Poehler!
- Why are you there? - I didn't know what to do. I thought this was safer.
It was a very small cutback, actually. Just me.
- James Hemmings' office. - Yes, is Mr. Hemmings in? This is Tom Dobbs.
You'll get on the scale and the scale will go, Psst! I've talked to the microwave.
It started on August 20th.
Oh, God. I think I burned my lip.
She tried to warn the Delacroy Company and they hid it. Bad for business.
You don't want an amendment to the Constitution on burning the flag. Make it out of asbestos!
America votes, a leader is chosen.
Sorry. I'm just a little nervous, guys. I do care.
(man) From Studio 8H in the Rockefeller Center,
I don't know what that means, Eleanor. Listen, where are you?
I'm more than confident of my decisions, my positions,
Do a couple of those Eleanor Green jokes and we get this stuff way, way behind you, all right?
which will invest in their computer voting system.
It eliminates long lines and confusion at the polls.
- (# Hail to the Chief) - Do we have a special guest?
Foikk
OK.
(phone rings)
(mutters to herself)