Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

I think that what happened was, at the time,

Any man watching me, listening to what I have to say,

[applause and cheers continue]

there is no word for a male mistress.

of wanting to fool around outside of your marriage,

You're too scared to ask your wife for alone time,

how do you feel about your wife Ali going up on stage

where not to put it, how fast, how slow,

Now, I am told it's because men are threatened

And then they become obsessed with dried jujubes

…that I'm a real piece of shit, okay?

I like Fabuloso, okay?

But Barbara is a woman,

I was like, "Oh my God, I still got it! I still got it! I still got it!"

…that your toddler threw on the floor…

Fan pussy is a great reward for doing stand-up comedy.

at the most inconvenient time of the day.

It's so annoying.

That wasn't passed down to you from your mother.

And that, single people,

When I saw that in my underwear, when I saw those loogies,

[crowd laughing]

-♪ If you trust me -♪ Do it ♪

I want to be part of your Telemundo, okay?

I got both of those things.

because it runs in my family.

My husband and I are the same age.

Only other married people with kids can empathize

It's highly unlikely that any man in here…

You sit there at the most crucial time of the day,

…while this grown-ass man is straddling your rib cage,

[growling, grumbling]

"Oh my goodness,

"She doesn't give a fuck about what I do 'cause she's chill."

I'd be like, "What the fuck am I doing?"

So if you haven't seen the movie, it's a romantic comedy…

Has your sperm swam in the eyes of an icon?

And then it turned out that my colon was perfectly healthy,

And then she turns to me and says,

It's all because of fan pussy.

"Oh, you don't talk to me like that."

this important woman could be doing with her valuable time…

and you see him from this very unflattering angle

is frightening.

and then it's an emergency.

so you might as well pick the bitch that will give you health insurance, okay?

-Merona, whatever's on sale. -[women laughing]

You know, I'm very jealous