Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

it's a service I provide
20 minutes can change you.
Okay. Come on.
They smear it on your face,
I thought my wife bailed me out.
- * Whose heart... * - Look at all the people.
He's a comedian.
Joel left you?
Don't know. When everyone's gone.
It's his act.
- What? Why? - Public indecency
Is everything ordered for next week?
Right thigh 181/2.
Yes. You slowed it down.
He was a good husband. He was a good provider.
My dish is here. I'd like it back.
Sorry.
* Can't you talk any louder? *
Two cakes, one for eating.
Man: we can't hear you.
Or stunned.
What I paid for that dress. We're very happy.
where God says you can't eat shrimp.
Of course it's your fault.
Yeah. He loves it.
a press agent talking to Abe Lincoln.
I see you acting ridiculous all day long.
No, no, no. Wait. I will be better.
And yes there is shrimp in the egg rolls
I'll make an airplane. That's what I'll do.
Bob Newhart probably used Henny Youngman's stuff
Fine. Baz still gave me the crappiest time.
Did the alarm go off?
* Muscle and blood and skin and bone *
Nobody's happy. It's Yom Kippur.
Joel is funny, and he likes to do his comedy.
Come back next week!
Well, you can't eat a soup with no spoon.
Joel Maisel, king of comedy.
Connie Francis: * Who's sorry now? *
That's why we do it, right?
Actually, I'm a little bloated right now.
You will when we're done.
Emcee: Thank you, Janet Shaw.
I dressed in costumes. I gave him kids...
to Joel's balls the other night?"
Look at what greets you at the door.
of what the hell I actually do.
I thought it was a phase, but now...
Why? What did you do?
It can go from hot to cold without cracking.
with the string tie and beard?
And because it's better
I had it all.
I know, but the driver's having trouble with his marriage,
I need an audience. I feed off an audience.
Thank you for the nice... nice...
- Your what? - Pyrex. My Pyrex.
Do you know what a dream is?
This day is perfect.
385 Riverside Drive.
Steal. You didn't steal.
I thought he wanted spontaneity
I'm... I'm... I'm not happy.
Nobody touches Susan’s Pyrex Especially on her birthday!
Give me that slot again next time.
Mama, for the love of God,
If you don't entertain, it's fine.
Uh-huh.
This isn't my fault!
I have been very lucky.
- Do you need a cab? - Nope.
You're not mad.
* You are the living end *
and a dreidel signed by Sammy Davis Jr.,
Yeah, it won't be at 1:45.
them small Pennsylvania towns...
* Or a dwarf who used to know Snow White *
A door does not represent infinite possibilities.
Don't pick a weak man.
And that's why he didn't eat the soup.
Midge: Oh, the things Joel taught me.
All right, all right.
I'll wait till he's done.
I made my brisket
It was probably a moth.
Didn't your son have the measles last week?
* Girls talk *
"Ted the Moth."
Uh, where's the shawl, Abe?
who wouldn't want to come home to this?
I'll make a Lancaster.
* A lovely pair of heels that kick to beat the band *
Six to nine more months left on those arms.
Who's Joel?
Oh, that might be the funniest thing you've ever said.