Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

Had my first school dance. Oh, thank you.

...that doesn't have blood dripping from its lips and flesh between its teeth.

It's amazing how quickly things can go from bad to total shit storm.

Buddy of mine showed me how to do this.

In those moments when you're not sure the undead are really dead dead...

Look, stay back, 406, okay? I don't wanna hurt you, but...

Year 2020 "You guys want some Purell"

This guy has a direct line to my funny bone.

No Twinkies Shit fuck

It's a fast-acting virus that left you with a swollen brain, a raging fever...

There is a box of Twinkies in that grocery store.

Come here, big fella. Just gonna take a little off the top.

And we took shelter in the back of the truck.

Fuck this clown.

And then I'd finally be a member of a cool, functional family.

I have a case of chronic anxiety.

You are like a giant cock-blocking robot...

It makes you think if you can go back to the way things were right now...

The last pack of Charmin that anyone will enjoy in the whole universe.

I'm sorry, he just gets me.

Oh, this is so exciting. You're about to learn who you gonna call.

Where are you, you spongy, yellow, delicious bastards?

AND IT MAY LOOK LIKE THE COYOTES DESTROYED HIM BUT THAT'S ACTUALLY JUST CONOR GARLAND

I'm not sure what's more tragic: that my family is gone...

...if you can have a type, what would that be, you think?

Are you fuckin with me? Uhhh No

- Oh, free parking. - Yeah.

I think they might actually require our assistance this time.

Don't talk about me like I'm not here.

You see, you just can't trust anyone.

Give him the gun.

All those fucking zombies.

- Went heels to Jesus. - Oh, made love.

Who'd have guessed that would be zombie killing?

You’re right that’s the worst part.

...he is on a steamroller, and a zombie goes down in front of him.

You got taken hostage by a 12-year-old?

Friday night, third straight week indoors.

It's okay, but FYI, I beat wholesale ass for a lot less than that.

It's called 5:00 shadow, but sometimes I'll get it prematurely.

Let me call you back.

...with all my phobias and irritable-bowel syndrome...

- No Twinkies. - Shit, fuck!

So do you have any regrets?

- Wichita! Little Rock! - Hurry!

On the bright side, I had found a place to go number two.

Not as fun as I remember.

...we had hope. We had each other.

I think we should probably just keep going.

I took it off to pump my gas, and I thought that I put it in my purse...

Since I could masturbate. I mean, not that they're connected.

I mean, not running, sprinting.

I saw this construction worker. I shit you not...

I hate to give credit to anyone who looks like Yosemite Sam...

I'm going after Wichita.

I don’t work at Alamo Drafthouse