Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

In those moments when you're not sure the undead are really dead dead...

I'm sorry, he just gets me.

...that doesn't have blood dripping from its lips and flesh between its teeth.

It makes you think if you can go back to the way things were right now...

Buddy of mine showed me how to do this.

...with all my phobias and irritable-bowel syndrome...

And we took shelter in the back of the truck.

I'm not sure what's more tragic: that my family is gone...

Not as fun as I remember.

And then I'd finally be a member of a cool, functional family.

I don’t work at Alamo Drafthouse

...if you can have a type, what would that be, you think?

I hate to give credit to anyone who looks like Yosemite Sam...

I mean, not running, sprinting.

...we had hope. We had each other.

...he is on a steamroller, and a zombie goes down in front of him.

You see, you just can't trust anyone.

I'm going after Wichita.

- Went heels to Jesus. - Oh, made love.

I saw this construction worker. I shit you not...

Are you fuckin with me? Uhhh No

- Oh, free parking. - Yeah.

Friday night, third straight week indoors.

Give him the gun.

It's a fast-acting virus that left you with a swollen brain, a raging fever...

No Twinkies Shit fuck

- No Twinkies. - Shit, fuck!

Where are you, you spongy, yellow, delicious bastards?

I think we should probably just keep going.

AND IT MAY LOOK LIKE THE COYOTES DESTROYED HIM BUT THAT'S ACTUALLY JUST CONOR GARLAND

On the bright side, I had found a place to go number two.

You got taken hostage by a 12-year-old?

Come here, big fella. Just gonna take a little off the top.

Year 2020 "You guys want some Purell"

Let me call you back.

I have a case of chronic anxiety.

Oh, this is so exciting. You're about to learn who you gonna call.

The last pack of Charmin that anyone will enjoy in the whole universe.

- Wichita! Little Rock! - Hurry!

Had my first school dance. Oh, thank you.

It's okay, but FYI, I beat wholesale ass for a lot less than that.

I took it off to pump my gas, and I thought that I put it in my purse...

All those fucking zombies.

This guy has a direct line to my funny bone.

Since I could masturbate. I mean, not that they're connected.

Don't talk about me like I'm not here.

Who'd have guessed that would be zombie killing?

Look, stay back, 406, okay? I don't wanna hurt you, but...

There is a box of Twinkies in that grocery store.

It's called 5:00 shadow, but sometimes I'll get it prematurely.

Fuck this clown.

You’re right that’s the worst part.

I think they might actually require our assistance this time.

It's amazing how quickly things can go from bad to total shit storm.

You are like a giant cock-blocking robot...

So do you have any regrets?