Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

My step-monster?
Why do you think God invented credit? For fabulous people like me.
And no more women.
That's none of your business.
Don't you worry. Everything's gonna be all right.
If I don't find him, I'll be stuck paying for her funeral.
When are you gonna get a car...
Hey, I've been an amateur gynecologist for years.
Looks pretty out of hand.
Thanks, guys.
My thighs are fat.
How great!
Yeah.
- What are you doing? - Nothing. Where is this thing?
I got it! I got it!
But you don't even know me.
Ron?
I'll find Billy.
Who are you calling?
So there were six of you.
Who is that?
...for one word from that woman...
Guess you wouldn't understand about loving someone from afar, huh?
Come on. I mean, all those guys you went out with...
Yeah, well, forever got a lot shorter suddenly, didn't it?
You sure you don't want to go to some nice ladylike hotel?
In about three or four weeks.
One night, I got high on cheap malt liquor, and I pledged my love to her.
Aren't you even a little concerned about Wendy?
Billy is great.
You wanna sit down there?
Thanks, Alec.
Alec Newberry.
...that maybe I could get a job on campus...
Why don't you call me? I'm so sorry.
- Tell him we're moving in together. - We are not!
See the officer about that.
If you'd get married and run a franchise...
So what's up?
It's only peppers, Al.
Get him out of here!
- Says who? - Anyone who's been in love.
I mean, there were other guys for me in high school.
I mean, Howie's a fine boy...
Al, you're so perfect. Such a young god.
Not so many kids.
...than working for a Democratic congressman.
Excuse me.
When are you gonna grow up?
How'd you do?
- Tell me about it. - I'm not.
- Have you been waiting long? - Just got here.
Nice meeting you.
We walked past that...
Kirby, please.
- So what's wrong? - Billy's wife.
Alec, you gotta come get me.
You won't be needing your notes anymore.
- You haven't seen it since I moved in. - You moved in too?
This scuzzy welfare hospital calls me. Remember my father's second wife?
Billy, I want you to know I'm not gonna be getting you any more jobs.
Will you give Billy a break? He lost his job today.
If I can be of any assistance...
Please? I'm in the Potomac Suite.
...incredible feelings, tied up in a box with my pictures.
Watch your step.
- Would you like some coffee? - It's money, isn't it?
Let me just introduce you to Ron. He's gay too, and he's so fabulous.
I beat out David Autry.
I believe you.
Besides, it'd confuse everybody.
Are you the new Mideast ambassador?
Howie, let's make this a double wedding.
What?
You're not going to med school to impress a girl you're infatuated with?
I'll get you the rest once I get settled in New York.
That's great.
Thank you for being honest.
Stir those vegetables.
Jules, you know...
Troy, man, I was thinking...
...because you put pressure on all of us.
I steal People magazine from my dentist's office.
Felicia hasn't kicked me out yet.
The historical laughter heard most frequently from schizophrenic paranoids
I have a better excuse.
- No, he knows what he's doing. - No, he doesn't.
What did you tell her?
I'm sorry.
Your place?
I only remember 800 pairs of shoes.
What?
...not use as the excuse for not marrying me your goddamn career?
Great.