Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

Easy. Easy now.

You're just gonna have to figure it out for yourself.

for an institution that fails as often as it succeeds?

Everyone knows that the girlfriend

- Is that Emily? - Is that Emily?

You're beautiful. You're sophisticated. You're a very talented writer.

That's not funny, Hayes. That's very...

And it was swell

I couldn't imagine not being able to hold them.

there lived a young man named William Hayes.

Okay. All right, munchkin. Let's go!

For the past two years, I have lied to the press about our relationship to protect him.

- But I understand. I get it. - I actually think it's very sweet.

- I called you. - I know.

- 20 bucks. - I got 20 bucks.

Did you have another girlfriend before you met her?

- I'd vote for him again. - In a heartbeat.

From... Don't tell me!

"With love and hopes and dreams of second chances. Alice."

But you had such persistence

"We are all half-dressed, pretending we can't be seen by the boys.

I'm gonna hold you back from all these...

So the last time we saw William Hayes,

Hey. That is a coincidence. I love women that say "unfailingly repugnant."

As I recall from our first encounter, you're a man of principles and ideals, even.

Yes, I understand your concern, but I think you should remember

and some of the facts, but I just decided that right now.

I mean, how do you accidentally thrust a penis into... Hi, Luis.

My number is 212-664-7665.

- Wow. This is pretty good. - Will, this is really good.

Oh, come on! No.

I'm writing these really dumb items for New York Magazine.

And inside, he wrote a beautiful inscription, which I could care less about at the time

- Gareth. - Hayes.

I love long-haired brunettes with horn-rimmed glasses.

Wake up to a new America.

But I screwed it up.

because there's no way I can face going alone.

"One hundred million are wiped out instantly..."

You should practice with me. I'm really good at that. I will be Emily.

I'm a workaholic.

she's mine, not yours.

I was gonna say, did I ever tell you about the day my dad proposed to my mom?

- This is great. - Thanks.

Goes 'round the moon

Once upon a time,

- You wanna bet? - Sure.

What's all that noise?

- that I want to be part of it anymore. - You were there

It was 1994, and New York was full of new life.

"... infantilized by a youth-obsessed media..."

- Maya. - I need to know!

You Don't Look Happy Or Excited About The Prospect Of Our Marriage!

And before I knew it, even though we were separated by entire worlds,

Thank you. - Scotch, rocks, please.

That was the start of the Internet. And overnight, everyone in Manhattan

You should dump him.

Now he tells me to deny it.

And the staplers and those scissors?

But I don't think I will. You see, I don't want a fling.

- This has been fun. Yeah. - Bye, toilet paper guy.

Which idiot forgot to check the menus and the programs?

No, but you're off to a great start.

Take it easy, Maya. It's just a story.

- These? - Yeah, both of those.

That's funny. In a minute, I'll have 40.

I wrote three speeches for Congressman Sweeney.

Guess that's it for Emily.

Did you know that penguins mate for life?

- Yeah. - William Hayes?

She wants to be the girlfriend, except it's too late.

we became great friends.

- which is good news, right? - Could be.

It's your birthday party. Everybody is waiting for you.

You think he did it, don't you?

No. Until I was 16, I wanted to be an actress. I wanted to sing on Broadway.

How glad the many millions

I'm not. I just know that these bozos you're working for,

4.25? You pay $4.25 for a pack of cigarettes?

...I knew... - Put that back in your pocket.