Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

Once upon a time,

No, but you're off to a great start.

she's mine, not yours.

4.25? You pay $4.25 for a pack of cigarettes?

Hey. That is a coincidence. I love women that say "unfailingly repugnant."

Did you know that penguins mate for life?

Take it easy, Maya. It's just a story.

Yes, I understand your concern, but I think you should remember

Thank you. - Scotch, rocks, please.

"With love and hopes and dreams of second chances. Alice."

Oh, come on! No.

- Yeah. - William Hayes?

Everyone knows that the girlfriend

But I don't think I will. You see, I don't want a fling.

- Gareth. - Hayes.

You Don't Look Happy Or Excited About The Prospect Of Our Marriage!

- This is great. - Thanks.

I love long-haired brunettes with horn-rimmed glasses.

- that I want to be part of it anymore. - You were there

So the last time we saw William Hayes,

I mean, how do you accidentally thrust a penis into... Hi, Luis.

because there's no way I can face going alone.

You should dump him.

That's not funny, Hayes. That's very...

You think he did it, don't you?

Did you have another girlfriend before you met her?

As I recall from our first encounter, you're a man of principles and ideals, even.

I couldn't imagine not being able to hold them.

That was the start of the Internet. And overnight, everyone in Manhattan

Goes 'round the moon

"One hundred million are wiped out instantly..."

She wants to be the girlfriend, except it's too late.

we became great friends.

there lived a young man named William Hayes.

- Wow. This is pretty good. - Will, this is really good.

That's funny. In a minute, I'll have 40.

Wake up to a new America.

- These? - Yeah, both of those.

- Is that Emily? - Is that Emily?

What's all that noise?

- Maya. - I need to know!

And inside, he wrote a beautiful inscription, which I could care less about at the time

And the staplers and those scissors?

- This has been fun. Yeah. - Bye, toilet paper guy.

And before I knew it, even though we were separated by entire worlds,

- But I understand. I get it. - I actually think it's very sweet.

I'm a workaholic.

for an institution that fails as often as it succeeds?

But you had such persistence

But I screwed it up.

My number is 212-664-7665.

- 20 bucks. - I got 20 bucks.

- You wanna bet? - Sure.

For the past two years, I have lied to the press about our relationship to protect him.

How glad the many millions

"... infantilized by a youth-obsessed media..."

I'm writing these really dumb items for New York Magazine.

Okay. All right, munchkin. Let's go!

It was 1994, and New York was full of new life.

Guess that's it for Emily.

- which is good news, right? - Could be.

and some of the facts, but I just decided that right now.

I'm not. I just know that these bozos you're working for,

No. Until I was 16, I wanted to be an actress. I wanted to sing on Broadway.

- I'd vote for him again. - In a heartbeat.

You should practice with me. I'm really good at that. I will be Emily.

...I knew... - Put that back in your pocket.

I'm gonna hold you back from all these...

Now he tells me to deny it.

Easy. Easy now.

You're beautiful. You're sophisticated. You're a very talented writer.

You're just gonna have to figure it out for yourself.

- I called you. - I know.

"We are all half-dressed, pretending we can't be seen by the boys.

I was gonna say, did I ever tell you about the day my dad proposed to my mom?

It's your birthday party. Everybody is waiting for you.

From... Don't tell me!

I wrote three speeches for Congressman Sweeney.

And it was swell

Which idiot forgot to check the menus and the programs?