Tasty Mystery Baskets of Clips

One minute, you in Africa, washing your clothes

"the state of Massachusetts regrets to inform you

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You know why you lost this case?

Oh, it's my pleasure.

Yeah, that's great.

Does your dog deserve human rights?

we're once again blind to it as it's happening.

a broken marriage and make it work again?

But they patted us down on the way in here. Where'd you even hide it?

It's totally potent.

It's been some time, hasn't it?

When I saw this, I threw up. Almost quit medicine.

Yeah, it's unbelievable. "Property."

How am I supposed to explain that to everybody?

I just did a line with a dude in the men's room

It's a crosswalk, jackass! We have the right of way! Yeah.

(WHISPERS) Yes, I do.

you call in every favor

for taking time out of their busy schedules

Obychno on izvyestyen svoimi razglagol'stvovaniyami privyetstviyami i vidyeorolikami na tyemu «kto luchshye». On takzhye byl izvyestyen kak pyedofil i lgal o svoyem polye i myestoimyeniyakh.

All right, there, you happy?

Your Honor? Mr. Bennett.

Well, Johnny, this is the second time you've made me real.

Me while p*rn : Hilarious

You're covered in rejected black-guy sperm.

and I'll be back with $200.

You were my thunder buddy.

All right, great.

Yeah, I am capable. I love a lot of stuff. Yeah.

TED: Oh! Oh, fuck!

waiting for Downtown Abbey to come on.

Is that the boxing movies?

SHut tHe FucK uP, JeVIn!

(SHOUTING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

Ir jei tai nėra pakankamai didelė naujiena,

Oh, my God! (SOBS) I have a disease, all right? I need help!

(SCOFFS) It's what this country does best.

I don't want to jinx it, but I think so.

You better not be messing with me.

Rome Tokyo Madrid New York Berlin Paris London Brasilia

So in the pocket.

I'm gonna get a huge migraine in the parking lot in about 20 minutes.

Oh, newsflash! Wenda whore has seen Gray penis.

What's the status?

I'm confident you'll make the right decision.

Mr. Bennett? John?

No But Maybe sonething inside the box well Crikey! All the animals have gone mad! U n h! Aaah! Get it out! Smack her in the head! Go, Gill, go! Fish in my hair!

oh yes you can noooooooooooooo!

"and, therefore, invalid and hereby annulled."

Gotcha! Keep down! Spongebob!

You Just Got to Bang Her and Maybe Pee on Her a Little

Your adoption request may have raised some red flags.

You were wrong to do that. Yeah.

Hey, do you think I could take a picture with you?

Yeah, she's our enemy now.

You know, as much as I love this person, we're completely wrong for each other.

He's a gourmet chef. So he knows how to toss a salad.

You are the fucking greatest, man. Holy shit!

Hey, fuck your Chrysler!

Oh, shit! Fuck!

No, don't start this shit, all right?

Come on, let's get out of here!

Frink as tolanda ambassador

Holy shit! Zombie! He's a fucking zombie!

You mean ol' moon

Why do you think I want your Cookie Crisp?

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in the river, titties out. You good.

I have a college degree.

to get stoned with me. She never would.

(TEMPO INCREASES)

Two League MVPs, four Super Bowl rings,

Start compressions. Prepare to intubate.

So you're saying you are capable of feeling love.

With your beam you led the way

We need an ambulance at 655 West 34th.

Overruled! Sidebar?

Oh, my God! Are you fucking kidding me?

See, I was trying to figure out

you're still the best thing that's happened to me in a long time.

Ms. Jackson? Mr. Meighan will see you now.

Maybe if you guys had spent a little less time mooning over each other,

Come on, guys. I mean, are we done here? I got to go.

Why, you said it twice. Is that an actual phraser

I'm sorry I turned you away.

There's containers over there. Scoop it up with that.

Johnny, meet your new godson,

By all a psychos on an it's rock.

MEN: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!

No. This is insane.

Take your goddamn teddy bear with you!

It's just a way for the government

VINERIA: Shut the fucK up!

You guys making trouble over here?

Are you gonna let me finish talking?

Excuse me, Doctor, your wife's on the phone.

There's just no indication

SAM: And do you, Ted,

And I own four houses on Baltic Ave.

Who's Superman? What?

I'm nervous that you're going to be swayed

If we get out of here by dawn, we should be fine, right?

I defended Ted Clubber Lang in Ted v. Massachusetts.

Ted 2 (2015)(sub)

Well, you think that’s great, you just see the Rest of the Town. You know, I loved to see the Rest of the Town! So, you just open the gate, take this boot off, you mean to get the Kalute in check out the local sink.

and I... I can't believe it's official.

And, uh, I won't be followed?

We should just wait by the car.

and making them watch Tyler Perry.

Hey, Johnny. Johnny.

Betelgeuse. Betelgeuse. Betelgeuse.

I am meddling with powers I can not possibly understand.

Right on. You, too, man.

Oh, look, I did a lot of blow in the '80s

Yes, I supervised the stuffing of the teddy bears.

It doesn't matter what the world calls me. I know who I am.

JOHN: Hey, what the fuck are you doingr Get off of mel

I would first like to thank the ladies and gentlemen of the jury

I love my wife. Okay? My wife.

You sons of bitches! What the fuck is your... (GRUNTS)

Okay? So, uh...

You son of a bitch!

so I want a full report on all...

Comic Con fans,

But let's make one thing clear.

So if I purchase these Trix, there'll be no trouble?

TED: Oh! Fuck me! TAMI-LYNN: What's the matter?

You got your hand on your dick. What are you doing?

So I talked him into going along with the bit.

Thirsty, Urkel?

Thank you, Your Honor.

and a shamrock tattoo on his calf? Nope.

Video? I like Asian teen stuff preferably.

I know, I know, I know. And... And that's why...

No. It's got to be "Fuck." It must be "Fuck."

Okay, you ready? Oh, shit Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I hope your kids get bird flu!

SAMANTHA: That was such a good dinner, Tami-Lynn.

Fish in my hair!